This is a mistake many rank and file JWs make, letting an elder be their conscience. I wonder if either of these elders share scriptures or WTS written material to backup their opinions.
When a JW goes to an elder "for help", the WTS-appointed representative will most likely "do the right thing" and offer "his" assisstance by telling him..."let's get Jehovah mind on the matter". This is a loose translation for "let's see what the Boyz-in-Writing want us to do on this matter".
Any "help" then MUST be followed in the prescribed manner and with the understanding that deviating from the pattern of unhealthful teachings, will lead the questioning JW down a bumpy and boulder--strewn path.
The comfy weasel words used to give the appearance of the JW having any thoughts of using his God-given conscience, are just fluff and the real issue is never mentioned, of course.
Anyone who chooses to leave the cult is then considered "the enemy" and will have left due to disagreement with WTS teachings. The cult leaders are well aware of family ties and are more than anxious to sever any of these normal ties in order to protect the WTS' still obedient slaves from hearing anything anything negative about them.
It has absolutely nothing to do with making anyone "ashamed" or teaching them a "loving lesson" other than not being in the club any longer. The WTS-obedient and mindnumbed slaves think they are then "pleasing Jehovah" when they are only "pleasing " the WTS and helping to preserve their image of the only true religion, that God approves.
The bottom line is that if the WTS can curtail any and all conversation with former JWs, they will go to any lengths to do it. When a family has an emergency happen, there is most likely no opportunity to sit around jawing about WTS policies, and the Brooklyn dictators are leaving a bit of wiggle room by saying that the JWs would then be "allowed" to speak briefly to any former JWs so they don't appear tro be completely cold and heartless as they really are. (Remembering once again that all their teachings are entirely biblical)
I am so sorry for your situation in all this WTS crap and even more so for your Dad's situation being under the cult rulez and regz as he is. I wish you all the best...
hugs,
Annie