My DA has been finally announced last thursday. Now, the thing is, my father asked the elders if it was still okay for him to talk to me. Elder1 says :No, she is DAed, is not living with her family anymore, you can't talk or associate with her in any way. (That elder has been shunning his daughter for a few years now.)
Elder2 says: I think you can, the WT says if she is still in the family circle, you can still speak to her
This is a mistake many rank and file JWs make, letting an elder be their conscience. I wonder if either of these elders share scriptures or WTS written material to backup their opinions. I wonder why your father didn't do his own research on what the WTS has in writing then confirm his conclusions using his research. I have had the same experience with elders; I usually first ask the question and see if they are going to encourage me to do my own research or tell me what to think/do. Then I come out with my research and ask how what they said harmonizes with that the "slave" says. They usually act like you tricked them. Even if one elder says one thing and another says something else, in the end it is what the body of elders in your father's congregation that determines what is "right" or "wrong." You can go over their heads to the CO and/or DO or contact the WTS headquarters. Whatever you do, if it ain't in writing, it doesn't count and even then it doesn't.
I recommend he do what I see many elders do in regard to DF'd/DA'd family members who don't live under his roof. Put every contact under the category "necessary family business." I know elders who have been in regular contact with grown DF'd children, even riding to work with them, for over 25 years. When I pointed this out, I was told that it was "necessary family business."
*** km 8/02 p. 4 Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative Is Disfellowshipped ***
The
Watchtower of April 15, 1988, page 28. "It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative.
Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum," *** km 8/02 p. 4 Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative Is Disfellowshipped ***
Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters requiring contact.
*** w89 9/15 p. 24 Be Obedient to Those Taking the Lead ***While there might be a need for limited contact to care for family matters, all spiritual association with the disfellowshipped relative would have to be cut off.
***
w88 4/15 p. 28 Discipline That Can Yield Peaceable Fruit ***Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle:
*** w83 1/1 p. 31 Questions From Readers ***
Of course, the grandparents have to determine if some necessary family matters require limited contact with the disfellowshipped children.
***
w81 9/15 p. 29 If a Relative Is Disfellowshiped . . . ***Such a person is still related by blood or marriage, and so there may be some limited need to care for necessary family matters.
***
km 1/71 p. 2 Your Service Meetings ***If some continue association that is not absolutely necessary with disfellowshiped family member living outside the home, committee should lovingly help them to understand principles involved and to comply with Bible’s counsel
***
w70 6/1 pp. 351-352 Questions from Readers ***Yet, there might be some absolutely necessary family matters requiring communication, such as legalities over a will or property. But the disfellowshiped relative should be made to appreciate that his status has changed, that he is no longer welcome in the home nor is he a preferred companion.
***
w63 7/15 p. 443 Family Responsibilities in Keeping Jehovah’s Worship Pure ***However, it would be well to appreciate that only the contacts absolutely necessary in matters pertaining to family interests should be carried on with one who is disfellowshiped and who lives outside the family circle.
