The Watchtower Advises...

by Nosferatu 28 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    I couldn't figure out whether to put this in "Research", "Humor" or "Adult". However, since I had to do research to compile it, it ended up here...

    Awake! Nov.22, 1997 p 11-121. Wash your hands with soap and water after contact with feces and before handling food.

    Glad to know that the WTS has consulted the bible on what to do after playing in poop.

    Awake! Jan.22, 1976 p16-20
    Time magazine commented:
    "Each day across the nation, dogs deposit an estimated 4 million tons of feces and 42 million quarts of urine on city streets and parks

    Jehovah's creation at work!

    Awake! Nov.8, 1971 p21-23
    As the number of dogs increases, so do their wastes. A large dog will eliminate a pound and a quarter of feces a day, but the average for all dogs is about three-quarters of a pound. That amounts to over 60,000 tons of solid wastes a year from just New York city dogs, and that does not include millions of gallons of urine! Can these wastes cause disease?

    What other shit can you think of that comes out of New York?

    Watchtower Dec.15, 1999 p4-8
    In downtown Seoul, a store that specializes in underwear made television news by displaying in its window a Christmas tree decorated only with underwear. The atmosphere of Christmas was noticeable, but any sign of welcoming the Christ was not.

    So, the moral is don't welcome Jesus with underwear.

    2000 Yearbook p148-223
    We took our underwear, went to the tower, were baptized, quickly changed, and then reported for work." They were grateful that Jehovah had helped his servants to find a way to symbolize their dedication in obedience to the command of Jesus Christ.

    I thought underwear was a BAD way of showing your respect for Christ?

    Awake Sept.22, 1988 p8-11
    If your home has an outside toilet, why not put a lock on it to prevent others from dirtying it?

    That won't stop people from shitting on your car.

    Watchtower June 1, 1989 p15-20
    In Bethel Homes, the toilets are kept scrupulously clean, and provision is made to enable those using them to wash their hands immediately. Members of the family are expected to leave the toilet clean after use, which means checking to see that the toilet is properly flushed. This shows consideration for the next user or for the housekeeper. Should not such fine, loving principles govern each and every Christian household?

    Human waste is the only type of shit that is kept OUT of Bethel.

    Awake March 22, 1972 p20-22
    With the growth of urban areas and the reduction of fertile areas-often chemically treated-would it be too simple to suggest that it is we whose mad behaviour has affected the tits?

    I'll let you figure this one out for yourself.

  • CaptainSchmideo
    CaptainSchmideo

    You know, I used to scoff and laugh at this, but it IS truly amazing the incredibly gross things that grownup people who should know better are capable of when they use a bathroom.

    Ever been to a campsite or facility where several tenants have to share the toilets? And there is always some slimy disgusting pig who manages to crap EVERYWHERE except in the d*mn toilet?

    Ever observed the men who go into a restaurant bathroom, use the urinals, and then leave to go back to their meals, and they don't wash their hands? (Remember "Poppy got sloppy!" from that episode of Seinfeld?)

    Remember what is smells like in the Men's room at the assemblies? It's gotten better now that they don't serve Hot Links at lunch anymore, but Great Yahweh! what a stench. I only hope that the brothers wash their hands before handing out the literature.

    Since the Awake is distributed in third world nations, where they probably don't have hygiene classes in school (or, for that matter, school), I can see where this could be necessary to educate people in stuff that we in the Western Hemisphere take for granted (except in France, of course, where they might have the bidet, but they also have the outdoor Pissoir).

  • funkyderek
    funkyderek

    Nos, it's not really research if you just look up dirty words!

  • defd
    defd

    Dont you have anything BETTER to do than to NIT PICK?

    D.

  • nicolaou
  • carla
    carla

    Wasn't there a recent one which advised how one must 'bury' it and then wash your hands? I hardly think even in third world countries they need to be told how to crap and wash their hands, their not retarded only poor! So all this 'spritual food' really comes from God?

    Think about it dfd- this is your so called spritual banquet. Dig in.

  • anewme
    anewme

    I was potty trained by the Watchtower really well!

    Even now as a dfd person I dutifully inspect the toilet area before leaving to make sure I leave it nice for others! And of course wash my hands and clean around the sink area (some KHs even have a sign reading "Please dry around sink after use, thankyou."

    WAAAAA!!! But now I dont get any kingdom points for it!!!!!!

  • jeanniebeanz
    jeanniebeanz
    So, the moral is don't welcome Jesus with underwear.

    Damn it!! That's what I've been doing wrong all these years. *quickly takes down thong display on front porch, chimney and flag pole*

    Carla, Too funny... lol

    J

  • carla
    carla

    what are they talking about 'we took our underwear'? Why would you talk to people about your underwear much less write about it?

  • Lilycurly
    Lilycurly

    LOL!

    Favorite word of the day: "Outdoor Pissoir" , hihi

    Least favorite: "Provision"...*shudders*

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