1. How did your mixed marriage happen?
c) You left the JW's afterwards.
2. Did the two of you talk about your different beliefs and how you were raised before you committed to the other?
yes. i was a quirky JW, and held "quirky" beliefs privately (about the universe in general). but they never stepped on god's toes. and i think she liked that i was a creative-type but was grounded enough to get married. the MAIN beleif matched, and that's what she valued i guess. and ya, we both knew the odd parts about each of our upbringings. hers were non-existant, and with regards me, she had the false belief that she could "change" me for the better in marriage. lol, biology is strong.
3. How many times a month or week (whatever is easier to describe) does spiritual subjects come up in your home?
well, before i DA'd myself, they hardly ever came up except when she was nagging me about doing better in the hall, blah blah woof woof. like once a month (hmmmm?? lol).
but after i DA'd they come up about two or three times a week, in discussions lasting on average a half hour.
4. How do you relate/interact with other witnesses or congregation members?
i don't. there is no interaction, and i certainly don't relate to any of them anymore.
5. Do you talk to non-JW family about your JW spouse?
um, no, i don't have any. my uncle is DF'd, but he still thinks it's the truth, so i don't talk with him either. he's like a witness as far as i am concerned. if my grandpa was still alive, i could talk with him. he was the coolest, really. and my dad i could talk with if i were able to find him, but he's been gone for the last two years and missed all of this (points at self). so he would totally understand as well. and my bro in law is married to my JW sister, so that's a "no-go" as well.
6. Are you an "opposing mate"?
ya, i mean, i'm an apostate, you know? and i will always bring up subjects about "god" and the universe. and these concepts, that i introduce gently, are in opposition to the number #1 JW doctrine: that there is a god. but i mostly let her do the talking, trying to wrap her brain around the subject. and sometimes when she gets home from the meeting and puts her books on the counter in the kitchen, i will grab a mag and flip through it randomly, usually stopping to marvel over the resplendent articles on tortillas or whatever, squished right in there with the other articles. and she told me that sometimes at meetings now, she'll catch stuff that she remembers me talking about, and can't stop herself from comparing the two (she said this with a "thanks alot jerk" tone, lol).
but this is the main reason we are splitting up. that basically, we consider ourselves enemies. not in a friend sense, but in a worldview sort of way. she can't go on living with someone who is so totally against the very views that she holds so preciously. and i just cannot respect fundys. and jws are fundys. and the last thing i want to do is spend all my waking hours with a fundy, because it's so banal and boring!
but i never stop her from going to meetings or anything. that would be abusive. but i do offer her seductive alternatives on meeting nights, and she often accepts. lol. again, and ironically, biology wins out over religion! he he he... sorry...
7. If you are a Christian, what are the most contentious subjects with your JW spouse?
8. If you are an Agnostic/Athiest, what are the most contentious subjects with your JW spouse?
remarkably jgnat, and i think this speaks volumes, but the most contentious subjects in our house are not about whether god exists, but are about the WTS. i could go on ad infinitum about why i think there is no god (as you all well know). but as soon as i start critisizing the WTS (which is not as often as just religion in general), her hackles go up, and the claws come out. lol how weird. like i could call god a name, and call the WTS the same name, and she would get more upset at the latter. i guess she thinks god can defend himself, but that the WTS needs help. lol, no shit!
apart from that, contentious subjects used to revolve around my spiritual status in the hall when we were jws.
but very recently, since we decided to break up, we hardly have any contentious subjects anymore! probably because neither of us care anymore.
9. When/how/what made you realize your marriage/family was threatened by your spouse's JW affiliation?
well, i knew right from the start. all JWs know that more than anyone else, they are to love jehovah the most. so i knew that she loved jehovah more than me, and i knew that if she had to choose between the two it wouldn't be me, and i knew i was a third wheel to her. i knew all that stuff before i DA'd. i honestly tried to be optimistic, but it's hard when you really think about it.
10. My favorite question, anything else to add?
i mean, she chooses a make-believe world over me. how can i go on loving that? how can anyone respect that? and live with that? this is what i just cannot get over. wrap my brain around it, and wonder in amazement at its cockamamie ludicrousness.
we are at opposite ends of the worldview spectrum, imo. here you have not just a fundy of the highest evolved meme, but also a mind control cult member of the most evolved meme. believes in anything coming from the WT. right? and then you have me. a materialist, reductionist, evolutionist (of course), skeptic, positive atheist ("there is no god"). but not just any positive atheist, but a "life is meaningless and pointless (so lets party!)" school of atheist. LOL. so even socially we are at odds. she is conservative in thought and action, and i am flaming liberal in thought and action. i am even an anarchist politically. so i didn't just leave the wits and join the green party. i really went far. so, totally on opposite ends of the beleif spectrum imo.
almost everything about me has changed radically. even, for example, my relationship with the family dog, oliver. it irritates my wife to no end that i refused to get his nut sack chopped, and that i feed him raw chicken and other meat all the time and not the card board from the store, and i don't try to squash his instincts and his unsocial behaviour in favour of a dog that really enjoys being a dog, and not wishing he was a human the whole time. and this of course comes from my view of evolution that we are but animals ourselves, and since oliver is another animal in my tribe, i will treat him with respect, and he shall eat what i eat (with the exception of chocolate) and i shall not punish him for not being a human.
and my wife knows that this behavour comes from a place far far away from her place. a place where there is no point to the universe, where bad people get away with bad things and good works go unrewarded, and everyone are apes, and the talk is open from social norms, and there is sex, drugs and rock and roll, and much slacking off and laziness, and where the only god is some abstract concept called natural selection that no one is required to worship, but we are all subject to. this is the place i am. we all know where the witnesses are. starched, conservative, bible, salesmen. heh. the two places, the two ways of life under a single roof do not lead to the same place in life. one partner is burning the candle at both ends 24/7, and the other has stored the candle away for that rainy day when they're 65.
thanks jgnat. :)
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