What weird things have you read in the bible?

by stillAwitness 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • one of 12
    one of 12

    What I remember is from the Green copy of the New World translation ( and maybe only this copy), at 1 Corinthians 11:5. If you read across the top line on this page, both coloumns it says,

    "All things are lawful but not a woman with a shaved head"

    This used to crack me up. I don't have an english copy of that anymore to show the kids.

    Jennine

  • Legolas
    Legolas

    Ok it's early here so hang in with me for a sec.....(Talking on the many wives for a sec).....You know how they always put down the trinity with the scripture John 10:30...'I and the father are one'...saying that that was only two people not three...well in Genesis 2:24 it says........'That is why a man will leave his father and mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.' ...So where are all the other women mentioned?

  • zagor
    zagor

    Don't be overly righteous, neither make yourself overly wise.
    Why should you destroy yourself?

    Ecclesiastes 7:16

    Interesting scripture,

  • Clam
    Clam

    StillaWitness - good point - he must have changed his name by deed poll, because He stirred up the whole earth to rebel is certainly not going to be in the Book of Baby Names.

    Tetrapod- yes your post sums it up beautifully. I've copied and saved that - thanks!

    I dont know where to begin myself. Psalms 60,v 8 always tickled me, "But I will use Moab as my washpot, and throw my sandals on Edom" .

    I suppose these lyrics were pretty cool in their day, Very Captain Beefheart.

  • slugga
    slugga

    I thought this was pretty gross

    1 Samuel 18:27

    So David rose and he and his men went and struck down among the Phi·lis´tines two hundred men, and David came bringing their foreskins and giving them in full number to the king, to form a marriage alliance with the king

    Did someone actually have to sit down to count them? Its no wonder the current philistines the palistinians are a bit pissed to have the jews back living next door lol

  • Mary
    Mary

    I could never figure out why a talking snake never set off the warning signs in Eve's brain that something was amiss.......and how is it that Noah and his sons and their women never had any offspring in the 120 years it took them to build the Ark? Not like they had condoms or The Pill back then. Think these guys went 120 years with no sex?

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii
    Proverbs 27:14 "He that is blessing his fellowman with a loud voice early in the morning, as a malediction it will be accounted on his part."

    I think Solomon just had enough of his wives waking im up in the morning, because straight after that he says:

    Proverbs 27:15 "A leaking roof that drives one away in the day of a steady rain and a contentious wife are comparable."

    He'd had enough of his wives and concubines nagging him all the time, LOL...

    The funniest though, is the love-song of Solomon. I always thought it was a strange way to address the woman you love. In a poem to the "black girl" with whom he is in love, he writes:

    Solomon1:1-5 "Your hair is like a drove of goats that have hopped down from the mountainous region of Gil´e·ad. 2 Your teeth are like a drove of freshly shorn [ewes] that have gone up from the washing, all of which are bearing twins, with none among them having lost its young ones. 3 [...] 4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built in courses of stone, upon which are hung a thousand shields, all the circular shields of the mighty men. 5 Your two breasts are like two young ones, the twins of a female gazelle, that are feeding among the lilies."

    Theres even a verse in there which i can't find at the moment, but which describes the woman's vagina as sweet as honey. Most translators translate it as "lips" though... WTF is that all about?... and why are these verses included in a supposedly "holy" work of inspiration from God. I always used to look at this scripture when i had doubts that all scriptures were not actually inspired of God, it was a big help in opening my eyes, lol.

    During the 2004 District Convention, me and a friend of mine got to sit alone together, and we were laughing endlessly at the Song of Solomon, causing the "brothers and sisters" around us to hiss "shhhhh" at us, hehehe.

  • IP_SEC
    IP_SEC
    penisses like the size of the ones of asses and horses....

    Wow danny, how'd you know my native american name?

  • IMustBreakAway
    IMustBreakAway

    Joel 3:10 - 10 Beat YOUR plowshares into swords and YOUR pruning shears into lances. As for the weak one, let him say: “I am a powerful man.”

    Also there was one that i can't find the scripture.. But it was something to the effect of.. "And they must ask you where did you get those wounds on your body between your hands, and you must answer they were inflicted upon me in the house of my intense lover."

  • Legolas
    Legolas

    Yea Mary I always wondered why Eve didn't say...WTF? why or how is this snake talking?

    And don't forget that Noah was 500 years old before he even had kids!....I thought that they were supposed to 'fill the earth'?

    All lies I tell you, all lies!

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