What weird things have you read in the bible?

by stillAwitness 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    Great link Leogalos!

    I emailed it to this fanatical Baptist I used to date who broke it off after saying I was not "in good enough standing with the Lord"

    Of course a few days later his baby mama called me asking me "wtf was I doing with her man."

    Anyways this one was great! I'm sure he'll have a hard time explaining this one to me:

    JG 19:22-29 A group of sexual depraved men beat on the door of an old man's house demanding that he turn over to them a male house guest. Instead, the old man offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine (or wife): "Behold, here are my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out now. Ravish them and do with them what seems good to you; but against this man do not do so vile a thing." The man's concubine is ravished and dies. The man then cuts her body into twelve pieces and sends one piece to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

    At least the Society is good at following this scripture! Never want to sacrifice an elder or MS to the police-better to let little molested Susie Smith suffer instead.

  • james_woods
    james_woods

    I am kind of partial to the Samson legend - you know; general acts of animal torture, war crimes, crimes against humanity, and heroic suicide. It was kind of OK to have that thing for Delilah the hottie - he was just finding an opportunity to kill the enemy.

    Also, Jacob and the pot of stew...who was being the deceptive a**hole here? IMHO - gods chosen one.

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    30 Later Lot went up from Zo´ar and began dwelling in the mountainous region, and his two daughters along with him, because he got afraid of dwelling in Zo´ar. So he began dwelling in a cave, he and his two daughters. 31 And the firstborn proceeded to say to the younger woman: “Our father is old and there is not a man in the land to have relations with us according to the way of the whole earth. 32 Come, let us give our father wine to drink and let us lie down with him and preserve offspring from our father.”

    YEAH! That's the one! Oh god... excuse me a second...

    But is that the correct translation. The link you gave Leoglos, a lot of the scriptures were cited from the KJV (which would be more accurate) but looking them up in the NWT-words seemed to be changed around to maybe seem more PG?

    Who needs porn when ya got the Bible huh guys??

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii
    stillAwitness: Who needs porn when ya got the Bible huh guys??

    Yep, how true, how true

    Song of Solomon 2: 3 "As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste."

    Song of Solomon 5:4 "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."

    Song of Solomon 7:7-8 7 "This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. 8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples.

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    The song of Solomon is superb poetry, it is something lofty and not crude or vulgar porn. I never saw it as being something that incites base passions.

  • Spectrum
    Spectrum

    dorayakii,

    Can you translate them in plain english please.

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii
    Spectrum: dorayakii, Can you translate them in plain english please.

    Song of Solomon 5:4 "My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."...... You need a translation??

  • stillAwitness
    stillAwitness

    LOL! At dorayakii! Hey, man you crack me up! I don't think we've meant? Me, stillA. You, funny.

    freedawn-you are right.The Song of Solomon is beautifully written-really! It a shame its probably the least used Bible book amongst the DubS for obvious reasons.

  • Spectrum
    Spectrum

    It would have been fun to see your translation of them. The apple tree one seemed really rude.

  • dorayakii
    dorayakii
    Song of Solomon 4:11-13, 16 " 11 With comb honey your lips keep dripping, O [my] bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue, and the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Leb´a·non. 12 A garden barred in is my sister, [my] bride, a garden barred in, a spring sealed up. 13 Your skin is a paradise of pomegranates, with the choicest fruits, henna plants along with spikenard plants [...] 16 Awake, O north wind, and come in, O south wind. Breathe upon my garden. Let its perfumes trickle. Let my dear one come into his garden and eat its choicest fruits.”

    The "garden" refers to her vulva and vagina. When the lover says it is locked, he is saying it has never been entered; she is a virgin. Thus to describe his wife's vulva as a garden is to say it is beautiful to behold, like flowered gardens of the East.
    The "spring sealed up" the precious liquid of the vagina is reserved for private use. Because water was scarce in the East, owners of fountains sealed the fountain with clay which quickly hardened in the sun. Thus, a walled fountain was shut against all impurity, no one could get water out of it except its rightful owner. The
    "paradise of pomegranates" depicts the beauty and colortone of her vulva which abounds in delights to his senses. The
    "choicest fruits" refer to her vagina is a source of sexual refreshment for him to experience. As a carefully cultivated Eastern garden yields delicious "fruit", so his bride's garden is a source of delicious fruit (sexual pleasure), when "cultivated." Furthermore, it is a source of fertility. To make love with her is like entering Paradise. Her pleasures are secret and hidden from all but her husband - the rightful owner of the garden. The Hebrew word (literally, "enter" or "come into") is used frequently of sexual penetration.

    greendawn, I do strongly agree with you that its not crude or vulgar porn, but from a fundamentalist point of view it is just that. Normal people can see him just describing the wonderful beauty of the sexual act, fundamentalists on the other hand cannot let these verses mean what they actually mean for fear of offending their own bigotted views. The original Hebrew version of this book is much more explicit in its meaning, but most Modern Bibles translate Song of Solomon to drain the colour out of the original meaning. For example the original Hebrew version of Solomon 2:3b word-for-word is literally "I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste."... the NWT says " His shade I have passionately desired, and there I have sat down, and his fruit has been sweet to my palate." Solomon 4:16 word-for-word says "Awake, O north wind; and come, you south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out." the NWT says: " Awake, O north wind, and come in, O south wind. Breathe upon my garden. Let its perfumes trickle .”

    Solomon 5:4 is translated as " My dear one himself pulled back his hand from the hole [of the door], and my inward parts themselves became boisterous within me." Note the dredded square brackets. "[of the door]" is added just in case we mistakenly think its talking about vaginas... lol
    ... notice also the word "bowels"/"intestines" changed to "inward parts"... but least the verb " haw-maw" can be translated as either "move", "murmer" or "become boisterous" so thats no biggy.
    Its not such a direct translation as the NWT authors would have you believe. Its merely a paraphrase, to obscure the sexual meaning. They're not big changes, but they change the meaning tremendously. Fortunately, the theme of the Song of Solomon is too strong to be completely over-ridden by dishonest changes.

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