I feel the need to update the ending to my mother's story.
After her surgery last September, when no tumor was found, she went home to enjoy happy visits from family (constantly), recovery, and two new kittens. One month of happiness at her home, which she had designed herself 20 years ago. My parents were reading and preparing her for living with MS, which was her new diagnosis.
A new MS attack came in late October. She was hospitalized Nov 1. When I visited, she could squeeze my hand, wiggle her toes, wiggle an eyebrow, and barely say one word. She could not open her eyes, but if we opened her lids she indicated she could see us by squeezing to our questions.
Over the next 6 weeks she would appear to gain ground... and then lose more ground than was gained. It was a daily and weekly roller coaster. We needed her to survive the attack so that she could be given medication to help prevent a subsequent one. She developed pneumonia, rashes, bedsores, and high blood pressure. A feeding tube gave way to a permanent tube to her stomache. She nearly died of respiratory failure in late November (the priest was called) and we rushed in. The breathing difficulty actually got overcome (she was eventually also given a tracheotomy)... and so did all the other medical conditions!
But gradually she slipped away. No more toe wiggles. No more finger movements. The only things left were very faint hand squeezes (and they only came 1-2 days a week), and the fact that sometimes she could see us. Subsequent MRIs showed that a tiny pinpoint lesion in her brainstem had been visible in her first MRI... but overlooked. It was extremely small! And though the lesion in her front brain was improving, it all meant nothing because of the one in her brain stem. She was on and off the ventilator, improving... then worsening. We held on, hoping that the MS attack would finally recede and even if there were SOME damage, we could still have her with us in hopefully many ways.
What did she have? The doctors don't know for sure (the disease progressed like cancer, not MS, by many of the things they looked at), but agreed last month that it was beyond treatment.
2 weeks ago she faintly squeezed my hand for the last time. I was reading to her from Psalm 73 when she suddenly surprised me with three squeezes during the last verses (25 and 26).
Whom have I in heaven, but You?
And earth has nothing I desire beside you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength
And my portion forever.
...For the last 2 months she has nearly always been asleep. She has been manicured, pampered, massaged, lotioned up, read to, sung to, given physical therapy by all of us, and basically living the "good life" of an endless spa treatment. We would tease her that something smelled fishy...
... except that... it wasn't a spa.
We have some very precious memories, though. My dad is a musician, and our family enjoys singing together. Gathered around her bed this last Tuesday night, we again sang songs to her that we used to sing in the car, or from church, or from boat trips. "Country Roads" and "Precious Friends" we sang. "Dona Nobis Pacem" was mostly our own prayer.. "You've got a Friend" will probably always make me cry now; it sounded exactly like a hymn, so slowly and gently sung to her, with all of us singing parts perfectly. And finally, we sang our family song, "Today". The chorus for this goes
Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine.
A million tomorrows shall all pass away,
Ere I forget all the joys that are mine, today.
Every boat trip before bed (growing up), every celebration, every party or family reunion (they had 7 kids and there's a ton of us) would include this song, usually at the end. It was, that night, a requiem.
Then she was disconnected from her ventilator to let God take her home. Somehow she managed to continue breathing until this morning.
Godspeed, my dear mom, my beloved mom, my good mom.
bebu
