I think if you are willing to wait for the right girl and you are both chaste on marriage then that can only be a good thing. You give value to your vows.
I waited for the right girl for 10 years but she never came. So now I see that a ten wasted years of celibacy. I was so frustrated in the end that I ended up with the wrong girl. That's what you have to look out for if you decide to wait and it takes a bit too long.
anyone have/had this problem?
by lonelysam 23 Replies latest jw friends
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Spectrum
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lonelysam
thank you all once again, they are all very good ideas, and you are right, i shouldnt fret over it, im just going to relax and have fun as a typical 19 year old should, the right girl will come along, and when she does it will be worth it.
lonelysam
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tetrapod.sapien
okay lonelysam, i have waited long enough. you already have a bucnh of good advice in this thread. so now i am going to say what i think:
you need to stop being a pussy about it. you need to go out and do it. it's not gonna be the bestest of times either. but everyone has gotta do it.
a lot of people are saying: "oh that's great! save yourself for marriage! you won't regret it." but, does that sound to you like they are trying to convince themselves? because it does to me. no offense, i know some of them and they are good people. but this is about you and me right now. so forget about them for a moment. look me in the eyes and tell me that you do not want more sexual partners. okay fine. take this shot of whisky and then look me in the eyes and tell me again. you're going to break down sooner or later.
you need to stop punishing yourself guy. you don't have to force it. you just have to be natural. be a predator, in your mind, and you'll find women to sleep with.
my honest opinion, is that deep down inside, women don't just want some guy who is saving himself for marriage. unless you are like ultra sexy (like russian supermodel or something), and she lives in Narnia. but generally, imo, no. whatever. they want someone they can settle down with. but shit man, how old are you? what the F are you doing settling down for? they also want someone who is good in bed. and you're not gonna get that until you start at it.
but no worries. you have lots of time to become a pro. when i was 19, i had only had oral sex. i didn't get laid until i was 21. but don't wait two years! i was a pioneer and an MS at the time you need to buy some condoms and go out this weekend. and don't get your hopes up for your first time. it's not a magical gift from heaven. it's just sex. it gets more heavenly with time.
oh, and best wishes. i am serious when i say that. i am not trying to offend you. i am trying to show you a glimpse of what being a human is all about. don't fight it. and by all means, stop punishing yourself with fear and guilt. just do it.
TS
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Enigma One
Tetra....I'm with you on this one. Some of the advice sounded all cuddly, lovey dovey and whatnot, and certainly one viewpoint but a bit naive IMHO.
LonelySam, you said you are feeling lonely. Hell, it's your nickname too. Guess what? Being lonely isn't a good reason to go out and get a girlfriend, get engaged, then married, then start popping out kids. You haven't left the Borg yet. You have layers to peel back of "issues". Does that mean you should be alone? No. But I think the biggest disservice being a JW is that it doesn't give you a chance to have practice runs at dating. Usually the first Witnoid you date is the one you marry, regardless of if you are really compatible or not. You need to figure out how to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.
So many people think that they are unhappy, and would be happy if they just met the right person. That's like going out and buying waterskis before you can afford to buy a ski boat. Find your own happiness first and foremost. I'm a firm believer that no one should get married before age 25. You will change so much from now until age 25, if you settle down now, you'll be having your first divorce at 23.
Good luck. Welcome. Now go find someone to practice with.