elderly people, not married, living together?

by Mulan 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mulan

  I would like some opinions on a situation that seems to be arising in my family.

  Since my mother is now a widow, and her income will be much less, she may not be able to afford to stay where she is, even with the financial assistance she gets from the family. So we have talked about her moving in with us. The problem is, my father, her ex husband lives with us too. They aren't going to remarry, but are good friends again, and have been for many years. Dad is not a witness and swears he never will be again, and Mom won't marry anyone who isn't "in the truth". Of course they would have separate bedrooms, but would share the kitchen and bathroom in our "mother-in-law" apartment.

  I called Mom's PO today to ask him about this, and how the congregation would view it. He was pretty hesitant, and said he would give it some thought, and said he had considered that this might happen. I know people will talk, but really, they are 88 and 89, and while libidos run hot for many years, it seems silly to think Mom would do anything improper. Dad, I can't vouch for.

  Anyway, what do you guys think? Is this a ridiculous thing to consider, or does it seem like a good solution. I think Mom might help to keep Dad in his own living room, instead of in mine all the time. It sure would take that anxiety away, and I KNOW she would be respectful of our privacy.

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
• 

  josephus

  cool.

  i dont know how i would feel having my mum and dad staying at my home, but good luck, and
  who cares what people think.

  love

  neil
• 

  LDH

  Mulan, hopefully she will have fond memories of those rolls in the hay and commit fornication whereupon she will be roundly disfellowshipped!

  Think of it! Your mom could soon be on her way out of the truth, thanks to your wily DAD. ROCK ON.

  You are to be commended for taking in parents. I hate to see older people (independent, I mean) rotting away in nursing homes. I think it's one thing if they are sick or need round the clock medical care. Good for you.

  Lisa
• 

  julien

  IMO to even ask this question is preposterous. Wait I forgot, you are dealing with the bizarro world of JW rule based life micromanagement. Personally I would let your Mom decide if she is comfortable with the arrangement. If so just do it. 88 and 89 is a little bit too old to have to worry about this kind of baloney.
• 

  anglise

  Surely the arrangment is no differant to if they where living in a retirement home with communal areas and individual bedrooms.
  Would the elders dissaprove of that.
• 

  joelbear

  Just have your Dad tell the PO that he is gay now and then it won't matter.

  Seriously,

  I would think that both of them would enjoy the company. The worst part of any period of life is the time you have to spend alone.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  COMF

  Sounds like a good plan, if you're for it. If your mom likes the idea, and your dad's okay with it, who gives a (insert reference to intercourse in midair, or other term if preferable) what anybody else thinks?

  COMF
• 

  Bendrr

  I'm suprised you talked to the elders in the first place. First of all it is none of their business. Second of all, you lost the advantage when you talked to an elder beforehand. Remember in the eyes of an elder, that was asking permission and giving him{them} the power.
  Go for it regardless of the reply. Put them on the defensive if they do raise questions. Hey she's almost 90 and so is he, do you guys want to drag a 90 year old woman in front of a committee?
  Despite the stories we hear, you'd be hard pressed to find the heartless bastard who would do that.
  Take care of your family first, Marilyn.
  mike
• 

  Princess

  Sorry mom but, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!!! Who cares what they do with each other (you already heard S' story on that) I'm worried about what she will do to you. Have you considered that they both will plant their butts in your living room? Isn't there some sweet old lady at the KH that she can drive crazy? How would it be any different if he moved in with her? If they are going to be roomies, why not leave you out of it? Except of course the fact that you will be cleaning and cooking for both of them! Think carefully on this one, it could put you over the edge.

  Princess
• 

  Mulan

  Okay, Princess. I knew I could count on you.

  The only reason I would do it, is if Mom really couldn't afford to stay in her apartment. After I did this post, she called to tell me what her Widow's benefits will be from Social Security, and it looks like she will be okay, financially, and she wants to stay there. I really don't want to shirk my responsibilities to my parents.......I had a long talk with her today, about what the ground rules would be, and she was great about it. It almost seemed like the answer to my problem with Dad. But it's a moot point now. I did point out to her that people wouldn't be visiting her like they do now, since she would be living at the "dreaded apostate's" house.

  Bendrr: I only called the elder, at Mom's request. I absolutely do NOT care what they think, but she does. That's all. I don't think they would approve it. I tried to reason with him about how adult group homes are set up, and he thought it was a good point, but didn't apply. Anyway, it isn't going to happen........yet. Someday, I think I will have both of them here.

  As to their committing fornication if they did live here together: It is definitely a possibility, and I think it would be fine. For those of you who think old people don't do it, you are wrong. They do and still want to. Mom educated me about 30 years ago, that just because she was getting older, didn't mean she wasn't the same person she was at 20. Just the body is older, not the person. I appreciate knowing that, and as I get older, I see she was right.

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)