Where were you when the realization hit, that the WTS was not in the truth?

by whyizit 61 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  La Capra

  Summer 1987, sitting in a redwood grove at my college with one of those "worldly" people who were more loving than the "friends at the hall." He was trying to get me all mystical, about the origins of god and the universe. And it hit me. It was all nothing. He turned my brain on, and I haven't turned it off since. No evidence I have seen, read, experienced, or heard has changed my mind. Of this, I know it's true. (thanks B.T. -those 30 minutes gave me a life.) Now, I'm an agnostic, practicing Jew who believes in some sort of singular force that connects everything in the universe (and that force would be nothing. Or perhaps I should capitalize that, Nothing...), but I doubt that Nothing is an intelligent creator.

  Shoshana
• 

  candidlynuts

  this is the kind of thread the wtbs lurkers should pay attention to..

  do they see the pain? suffering? agony? family loss? that the org has caused?

  do they not see the lack of love?

  do they not see comment after comment about how the elders never called , never tried to shepard?

  do they not see how betrayed we all feel by changing doctrorine , even the simple changes of wording from watchtower printing to bound volume printing caused a lot of people a lot of pain. its WRONG .

  threads like this show us the human side of those who have left the wtbs. we're not evil raging apostates out to devour other jw's.

  we're people who have been hurt and betrayed .

  pay attention watchtower. for every one person that posted here there are countless more stories just like it all over the world.

  and the internet gives us all the opportunity to tell our stories and every day someone disobeys your directive to not look at websites discussing jehovahs witnesses.. THEY have the compassion to see the pain.because more than likely in some way or another THEY are experiencing the lack of love themselves!
• 

  vomit

  In the hall, well for a long time I had doubts. Evolution was always in the back of my mind, the creation book had nice pictures and all, but never touched on the subjects I was interested in.
  
  Strangly enough , I was always praying to become a good JW, its funny how Jehovah never seems to listen to thoes prayers.
  
  But the Eureka! moment had nothing to do with my personal doubts, but the Christian Love they froth at the mouth with. I think it was a 1995 or slightly earlier Year Book(I hope somebody could point me to the correct one). On the platform they were giving the yearbook talk and mentioned an experience in Africa. It was about Witness fathers who would have to work everyday of the week, as the wok they do in the day would feed the family for just one day. These Brothers had to be "lovingly" counselled, that the spiritual food on Sunday was far more important that physical.
  
  Then everything fell into place with me. Smoking, blood, persecution, shunning etc. As why would God who tells us to respect our life, expect us to die over interpretation, issues and arguments? Why do religious groups want us all to die for their cause? Why do they not only want our money, but our blood, sweat, tears, love of our family and ultimatly our life? What are they giving us in exchange? Everlasting life? Hebrews 11:1? Until I see somebody who actualty has everlasting life, paul can shove Hebrews 11:1 up his arse.
• 

  JAVA

  The light came on for me over 20-years ago while at the Kingdom Hall during a meeting. I had not been in contact with ex-JWs or read material by them. For various reasons it hit me that this was nothing more than a man-made religion, and I was wasting valuable time at required meetings. Afterwards I attended a district assembly and the JW-blinders fell totally off—none of it made sense!
• 

  AuldSoul

  For me, it was a combination of two events separated by a lot of years (cognitive dissonance).

  In 1985 I was baptized with the new "2 questions" and those questions troubled me deeply, the change in those questions was from baptism in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to baptism in the name of Jehovah (through Jesus) and the spirit-directed organization (i.e. the Corporation). I was 12. ALL my family paternally and maternally were JWs. My great-grandparents on both sides were JWs. But those questions disturbed me deeply.

  In 2004 I discovered that the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc. had maintained an Associate membership with the UN/DPI for almost 10 years. I knew then that the WTS was not in the truth. A year later, I disassociated myself.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
• 

  cyberdyne systems 101

  I have to say this is a very interesting and moving thread - thank you all for posting.

  My own realisation came after many years of feeling guilty, observing the lack of love shown directly and indirectly, in my dealings with Elders. I came to the conclusion that I would die at Armageddon, as I just wasnt good enough. I heard how Jesus condemed the Pharisees, and yet It seemed to me it was just the same in the Organisation, our whole lives being micromanaged, our consciences being turned over to a group of old men. I did little things like grow beards to make myself feel I did have some control over my own life.

  It eventually came to a head when my whole happiness had finally evaporated, I turned inwards, I realised so many of the things around me were a result of the influence of the witnesses, I had no ability to make choices, someone had always made them for me. I didnt feel like attending a meeting while feeling this way, and after that I decided to never attend again. It all came out in one moment, I suddenly realised a great relief, I wouldn't be hearing the propaganda that made me feel so low any longer. Once I had made this huge change and upset my imediate and extended family, I realised my outlook on life was changing, I could now make this life count not the next one. I made many mistakes as I was learning to make life choices for myself, but I was discovering myself too, finding out who i really was and what I believed. The journey has taken a few years and of course will always continue. I feel so removed now from that previous life, I went through the depression, and feeling dead inside, to anger and finally to forgiving myself for falling for all the bulls$%t I had taken into my head. I'm still growing as a person, I still lack self confidence in many area's, but I am moving forward, surviving and living at last.

  CS 101
• 

  Gill

  It didn't hit me that it was all crap until I surfed the net in October 2004.

  I began the journey however, several years earlier when my aunt was dying. She wanted to die at home in her own bed, and infact only lasted a few weeks from returning home from hospital. However, her daughter in law is/was a fanatical full time pioneer and was having to sleep over some nights at aunty's house and take turns looking after her during the day. The Daughter in law complained constantly that she didn't want to look after her MIL. She wanted her to go into a hospice to die as she had to 'go out in Jehovah's service. That's all I want to do is served Jehovah, and She's stopping me!' I remember watching her ranting daily.

  One day I turned up for my turn to look after my aunty. A nurse from the hospice was just leaving. I walked into the hall and the Daughter In Law from hell, 'Sarah' shall we call her, approached me. 'Don't talk to her and don't be nice to her', she whispered to me pulling me into the kitchen. 'I'm afraid it's gone too far now and She (meaning aunty) is just being a burden to anyone. I've told her she's going to the hospice and that is THAT!' I remember looking at this crazy woman and then walking into the living room which had been turned into my aunt's bedroom. There she sat, my aunt, shivering in the cold November chill, in her wheel chair. The fire was NOT on. She had on a thin nightie and she was sobbing her heart out. 'I need to pack', she was crying. 'She says I have to leave'.

  'We'll see,' I said.

  Sarah put her head round the door. 'I'm off now. Got to go out on service', she smiled. And she left.

  I called all available family round. We interrogated the nurses and aunty and found out that Sarah was arranging for Aunty to go into a hospice behind everyones backs, because 'she wanted to get her hours in and serve Jehovah'.

  We all decided, there would be NO hospice for aunty.

  However, a family meeting was called and Sarah's husband, Super Elder decided to pray. He said in his prayed that 'No One was to say anything against eachother that might cause family disunity and NO ONE was to be accused of doing anything that they shouldn't.'

  I wanted to laugh, and shout, 'your wife is an arse hole' but it suddenly all seemed so funny and stupid. Everything was being covered over as a pretext of JWism and Christianity and so much crap.

  Aunty lasted a week and died at home with everyone around her that week.

  She helped to set me free, evern though she was a fanatical JW herself, by letting me see the real cruelty of JWs.

  It was just a matter of time and research before I left JW land forever, still kicking myself that it took so long.
• 

  Gill

  CS 101 - There's the wonderful thing though, I don't know if you think so too, but once you FINALLY leave the JWs completely, and your mind is free, everyday is new, and there's always so much more to do and ways to develop. It's a wonderful freedom, like a flower finally being able to open properly and beautifully.

  The JWs are so twisted mentally, it's a tragedy to see what has become of friends and family.
• 

  Van Gogh

  I always was a true blue believer; firmly embedded. There was NO possibility this was not God’s organization. But I was always a sideliner, even out for a couple of years. I simply sat in the hall and did my duty (served my time). I was never an MS but had pioneered (including pioneer school) for a year in 1980 after which I went into deep black hole of depression for many years. My personal JW history can be summed up as a long and drawn out struggle wrought with tragedy. But Jesus chose this organization in 1919; there were anointed – this could not be wrong, they could not be wrong about this. In my large JW family I grew up with much criticism against the organization – I was used to this. In the end I could see ONLY wrong within the organization… but like King Saul they were anointed and like in ancient Israel the many wrongs were no proof against special status. Besides, we were not involved in politics and war. Especially coming from Europe with my JW family in during WWII: JWs were in the concentration camps! A pioneer who was hidden by my granddad died in a German concentration camp. My mother was arrested during the war while on field service. That ought to be enough. There was no arguing with that. But in the end my last/past five years of Kingdom Hall attendance and field service signified my own silent peaceful protest. I would only take the bible with me on field service – no mags. The thought of taking this further into conducting a bible study with someone and introducing them into the Hall seemed impossible to me… but preaching was an identifying mark of a true Christian to me. All my friends were equally extremely critical of the org. I could see no other way. I enjoyed Robert King’s (E-watchman) ramblings against Brooklyn until it dawned on me that he was more of the same: a religious lunatic. That is until…
  
  LIGHT
  A very close JW friend gave me Penton’s Apocalypse delayed. I read it around August 2005. That is when a light was switched on in my head.
  
  EPIPHANY
  Then this same friend mailed me a link to Don Cameron’s Captives of a Concept. I remember reading this in front of my computer screen at my workplace one evening around October 2005. There and then I had my epiphany that this was indeed possibly not the truth and that this could not be God’s organization. A couple of days later at the cinema with this friend for the first time I uttered these words to him: It is NOT the truth. He had known this for a while, but had never admitted this to me. We just sat there in the audience in the darkness. It was an emotional and momentous occasion for me.
  
  THUNDERBOLT
  Immediately afterwards I ordered CoC and Jonssons books on Amazon. I remember reading CoC late at night in bed halfway through Dec 2005. I had arrived at page 27. There and then I said to myself: remember this moment for the rest of your life and know this. There and then you were reading page 27 of CoC and this is when you decided to NEVER set one foot in a Kingdom Hall ever again.
  VG
• 

  freedomlover

  These are amazing stories. I must have missed this thread before.
  
  My moment was about a year ago and we started to study the Daniel book at BS again. I told my hubby that I was going to make a chart so that I could understand this book this time. (He was already "out" but hadn't told me yet.) I started my chart and my research and after the first few weeks things weren't adding up. I found info. online that said JW's were the only ones that didn't believe the real date of Jerusalem's destruction. I was so terrified. I researched the society's publications and encyclopedias. I remember I didn't sleep for two whole nights, and during those sleepless nights it hit me that this may be a sham! I didn't tell my hubby because I was terrified yet I felt this HUGE burden lifted off of me. I remember thinking "what IF I really didn't have to go to all these meetings, and service, etc.?" Then I would tell myself "don't think like that, of course you have to do it!" But then again....maybe not??????
  
  It took a little longer for everything to come to a head with my hubby and I still tried to play the good JW, meetings and service and stuff. But I just couldn't forget what I knew. I was out mentally about 6 weeks after those sleepless nights.