Please help, don't want to lose daughter

by katy 30 Replies latest social relationships

  • looking_glass
    looking_glass

    Katy - As you can tell based on the responses you have received, many people have strong opinions about the people and the beliefs. Just the same as you would ask people to respect your views, that is all Witnesses can ask of others. I can already hear the SREAMING from the crowds. I recognize that I am asking you to do something that a lot of Witnesses will not do and that is to be understanding and accomidating to other's beliefs. However, I can honestly say that having left the "truth" and having many family and friends that are still in the "truth", I have not been shunned or treated badly by those who love me. In the end you can only hope for the best and work hard on not thinking with a heavy heart that you are losing your daughter but rather you have been given the chance to be a mother who loves her daughter unconditionally. As for brain washing, I suppose we all could claim that in some fashion (i.e., young girls think they are too fat; young men think they must act macho, etc.). Religion has always been a catlyst for good or evil, even before Russell came along and formed the religion.

    A mother's love can overcome many things.

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises
    Does she want a divorce for her daughter so she can hang storks?

    It has nothing to do with such trivial concerns... the matter has to do with WHO SHOULD GET TO DECIDE whether she can hang storks.

    Who her daughter allows to be in control of her life is a matter of the utmost importance. Because nobody but her daughter could possibly know, better than she, what is in her own best interests.

    God gave us all a conscience for a reason. And that reason is not to discard it for the conscience of another person who is just as capable of self-delusion as anybody else.

  • Death to the Pixies
    Death to the Pixies
    It has nothing to do with such trivial concerns... the matter has to do with WHO SHOULD GET TO DECIDE whether she can hang storks.

    Who her daughter allows to be in control of her life is a matter of the utmost importance. Because nobody but her daughter could possibly know, better than she, what is in her own best interests.

    God gave us all a conscience for a reason. And that reason is not to discard it for the conscience of another person who is just as capable of self-delusion as anybody else.

    I Agree, but as I am sure you agree, it is the daughters choice who she lets influence her decisions. It is the mothers job to respect that and not be intrusive. I think you agree with the rule in the above. Same if the roles were reversed, if it was the JW mother in law that was imposing her values on her daughter-in-law- the advice would be the same.

    Anyway, I think AnewMe gave the best advice to be given here. I think this situation sounds pretty harmless and they will get along and be happy.

    Congrats on the grand-baby :>)

  • anewme
    anewme

    Excuse me Death to the Pixies, I do not want my words misinterpreted. This is a family tragedy like any other. This is a terrible dissappointment for Katy. This religion definitely divides family loyalties.

    But in gaining the higher perspective that life and the expected future are not guaranteed we may find there are ways to find happiness despite the extreme challenges.

    Im recommending to Katy to search out ways to find peace between her daughter and son in law.
    Because those who oppose this cult openly will be banished from association.
    And to wait patiently for the opportunity to put a hole in their brainwashed thinking.

  • Death to the Pixies
    Death to the Pixies

    Well since you have clarified your "good advice", I will withdraw my endorsement from your "not good" clarifications .

    Sorry If I mis-read it. Your biases should not make you give bad advice and ignorerules . For instance, if the roles were reversed, you would change your advice based on your biases. That is wrong. People would rail gainst the JW mother. Double standard.

    It does sound like everybody invloved in Katys situation (Katy included) has their head on straight.

  • carla
    carla

    I think this situation sounds pretty harmless and they will get along and be happy.----------------------------------Nothing could be further from the truth! You know as well as anybody that the jw's destroy families everyday. And when this new grandchild is not allowed to see grandma because the jw's have told him/her that grandma is evil and will be destroyed at armageddon because she is not a jw, what will you advise then? become a jw so you can see your granchild?

    Make no mistake, this is a terrible cult that is not only harmful to ones mental health it is also a deadly cult. Do some research and try not to call it a cult to her face, they cannot/willnot see it. If she is not already sucked in see if she will read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz before making any commitment to the organization. She should read about an organization that will run her entire life before joining. That is only rational, to investigate both sides.

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    You wrote: Please help, don't want to lose daughter

    Show her unconditional support and approval and I bet you won't lose her.

    There are the parents who suffer deeply and genuinely, because their son (or daughter) does not love them, and who, simultaneously, ignore, oppose or attempt to destroy everything they know of their son's convictions, values and goals, never thinking of the connection between those two facts, never making an attempt to understand their son. The world they never made and dare not challenge, has told them that children love parents automatically. (Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness © 1961)





  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises
    I Agree, but as I am sure you agree, it is the daughters choice who she lets influence her decisions. It is the mothers job to respect that and not be intrusive. I think you agree with the rule in the above. Same if the roles were reversed, if it was the JW mother in law that was imposing her values on her daughter-in-law- the advice would be the same.

    Oh so clever. All influence is equally legitimate. This ladies and gentlemen is a beautiful piece of sophistry. Marvel at it's close resemblance to an ethical and logical position.

    But also note the difference. This woman is motivated to INFLUENCE her daughter such that the DAUGHTER has more control over HER own life.

    The jw are motivated to INFLUENCE her so that the JW have more control over HER life.

    See the difference?

    Now let's notice the difference in methods.

    The mother will appeal to her daughter using carefully thought out questions designed to get her to be open to ALL facts and ideas.

    The JW will appeal to the daughter by asking her to ONLY look at facts and ideas that support the JW paradigm.

    The mother will encourage the daughter to talk to other people with different points of view. IN that way she will be able to make the best informed and thought out choices.

    The Jw will encourage her to be surrounded ONLY by other JW's so that no other ideas or fact may ever come to light.

    See the difference?

    Of course not. To notice the difference would likley threaten your fragile world view.

    CYP

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises
    I think this situation sounds pretty harmless and they will get along and be happy.

    Until the daughter or baby needs a blood transfusion...

    Sorry mom. Don't mean to scare you here. But I also don't want you to be lulled into complacency about this religion. It could be low in terms of cost for you. For many others it has been a far greater cost than any should have to bear.

    CYP

  • delilah
    delilah

    But also note the difference. This woman is motivated to INFLUENCE her daughter such that the DAUGHTER has more control over HER own life.

    The jw are motivated to INFLUENCE her so that the JW have more control over HER life.

    See the difference?

    CYP, Right on!!!!! This mother has every right to be worried....this religion can, and does, tear families apart. They give no consideration to the non-witness family involved,their beliefs and customs, but the JW family and their rules, and customs, are to be honored at all times. The non-jw family has no right to interfere.....for they are "outsiders".

    Looking_glass, you said,"A mother's love can overcome many things". I'd like to say, i agree, however that depends from whose viewpoint you are speaking. A JW mother, whose son or daughter has been DF'f or DA'd, is supposed to shun that child. How can her love overcome that? Why is it up to the non-believing mom, to overlook her daughter possibly becoming a JW, as if it's nothing to worry about? Of course she loves her daughter, which is why she has EVERY right to question, and make sure that this is absolutely what her daughter wants, and is prepared to follow the WTBTS's every law...especially concerning the health and welfare of this new baby, about to be born. It is NOT something, the non-believing mom should take lightly, and just accept.

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