I think I did it! (page 5)

SixofNine

Tatiana, don't worry my friend, reasonable people understand. I'm very sorry for your experience, and I can imagine how hard it was for you to get that picture. It is just the inhumane outworking of what I call "spiritual materialism". They aren't exactly evil, per se, but they have succombed, to one extent or another, to spiritual greed. I guess at some point, we all did.

It is really hard to know just what to make of our witness relatives. I think we just have to make a concious decision to be "bigger" than they are.

thewiz

you f***ing ass*****! you want to talk about suicide and/or attempts?
you want to feel what it's like to have life-long depression?
you want to know what it's like to have your own father tell you daily that your worthless, never amount to anything, you will never be as good as I am bullshit. Beat the living life out of you. Can't have ANY friends, not even the ones at the Hall, You're all going to die at Armageddon, crap. Ever go to school and be virtually covered head-to-toe, on your back, in welts from the metal coat hanger ya got beat with? Worse the "caring loving teachers" never stepped in. That was at least a bi-monthly occurance for me, for ten f****** years. I've got a long list as I'm sure most of us do. I'm ready for persecution, I already went through it. Ever see your siblings turn into another person because of a mental break down? I have, 3 times over. Ever see your mother begging for mercy? Things get worse, but I'm not going into it. You don't know me either or where I come from.

you want to know what it's like to be at the top of your class in nearly everything, including college and then not know what the hell to do with it? Ya want to do something with it and you're going to hell? this one, to me, is the most humiliating to my ego.

I fear death like anyone does, but when it comes what a relief. Peace at last.

I should say, people don't know me either. Tatiana, I didn't accuse you of those things. By asking, I'm accusing?

Tatiana, taking a different approach, my parents live hundreds of miles away, does that mean to show them a picture of their grandparents "hurts" them? I don't know, they may never see them again, again does that mean I can't show them a picture? It's the just the approach or angle I was recommending, if you hadn't of thought of it. It wasn't meant to be accusatory.

I have a very difficult time with my Dad, but now that I have children I can understand some things. Does that mean I condone it. No! but I understand. my brother is waiting the day he dies, I'm not. when he does, his sins will be paid up. so will mine.

Abraham, David, Judah all had relations with more than one women, they are friends of God. David was also a murderer. God still used him. The only sinless person on earth that God had dealings with, was Jesus.

Gopher I disagree with you, there is big time comformity. Create a thread on anything and take an opposing view and see what happens. You get ganged up on. I know how it works for over 30 years, I know it's not just the JWs and the WTBS who do it.

I don't want a one word of sympathy from any of you.

LDH

HA HA Wiz it's a good thing you don't want any sympathy, cuz this ain't the board for it!

Seriously, I think the issue is this: When I post about my actions in relation to my JW parents (yes I have had almost the same expereinces Tatiana) I have already played devil's advocate in my head.

So while it does good to have different viewpoints, we all know how touchy we are about family dynamics. It's been built into us by the WBTS.

PS Tatiana, I'm 7 mos pregnant. My mother hasn't called me to talk with me one time in the whole 7 months, and she knows how sick I've been. But every time I call there I never hesitate to ask my dad how she's doing. I just can't stoop to her level of game playing.

Lisa

Tatiana

Wiz, I DO know what all these things are like. Only they occurred "daily" in my home.
Acute clinical depression? Yeah, I think I know what that is. Already been diagnosed. My sister took the easy way out and got rid of the pain.
I was also at the top of my class. A 4.00 grade average in college. So what? That certainly was not the BIGGEST crush to my ego. The biggest thing was not having a mother who loved me enough to care. My step-father was a hanger-on jw. He just did what she said. When she said beat the hell out of the girls, he gladly obliged. Verbal abuse?? I remember standing there watching my sister get beat and remember my mom telling her she wished she'd died at birth; she was demonized;and that she must have been sent as a test from Jehovah.

When my sister started killing little animals and setting fires, I thought they would get her some psychiatric help at last. No, that would have taken up too much time from field service. They sent her to reform school, where she got worse and worse. Soon came alcohol, drugs, different men, anything to kill the pain. Finally she killed herself. And you think I can keep a photo of my mom hugging some strange child??????

I do have a photo on my mantle of her, me, and my sister when we were about 7 and 9 years old. My children know who she is.

I'm just so tired of witnesses using the "excuse" of imperfection, and shunning, and "we all make mistakes" to get away with whatever they want to do and not have even a twinge conscience about it.

I so have sympathy for you, wiz, even though you don't want it. Because I know exactly how you feel. But from reading the first line of your post, I think you have far worse anger than I do. Don't you feel better now?

April

"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

Tatiana

Lisa, I'm sorry about your mother. I know how hard it is to go through a pregnancy without your mom. I had my last child nine years ago. I was very sick and the doctor recommended a tubaligation. (I could not take birth control pills and had heard horror stories about implants.) It is major surgery. My mother never even came to see me. She was 20 minutes away.
What gets me is I still get email from my anointed uncle in Atlanta asking how I am and how the boys are. And I have emailed him asking about my mom. She has a computer and has never emailed me once to ask how I am. Why the double standard? Who knows, maybe it's a "conscience matter" now!

April

"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

Tatiana

SixofNine-
I HAVE made a conscious decision never to be like my mother. I will never abandon any of my children. And God knows they have made mistakes. I will always be there to show them love and support and to help in any way I can. No matter what religion they choose. Or what mistakes they make along the way. I think this shows ten times more love than shunning them. I know it feels right in my heart.

Thank you for understanding.

April

"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

thewiz

LDH -fuck you I didn't want sympathy, but then I didn't expect some asshole to laugh about it. What kind of warped son-of-a-bitch are you? I was a child when that stuff happened, and you think it's funny? Tell me, do you always laugh at the torture and abuse of a child?

Tatiana -sorry to hear of that, in many ways we are akin. I really wished I had had the courage to end it all. Sometimes I call it cowardice sometimes I call it the ultimate in courage. Some cultures hold that form of expression in high regard. Dignified.

As for the crush to my ego. I have always had a special ability to learn, so much promise, wasted. Then told I couldn't use it, except for the "truth." Not that it made me better than anyone. That's what I meant.

Did you know they read a letter from the platform at the hall asking for people to come to Brooklyn on a computer releated project (I heard it read myself, and by that time it was my degree and profession), probably for the WT CD. Well that wasn't so bad. It was the next line that got me fuming. They continued with the letter, and said only those with a degree could apply! I reminded the brother who read it a couple of years later and he doesn't remember reading it. I know most JWs have short memories.

Those Son-of-a-bitches!

sf

"Those Son-of-a-bitches!"

Why are you sugar-coating your true feelings here? Tell, me, what do you really feel?

sKally, those mother fuckers!(no sugar added)

Richie

Freeman, The bible makes mention of shunning only in extreme circumstances, such as persisting in adultery, fornication, grand theft...boasting about such things and not showing any repentance...
For those and similar wrongs (if they persist in them) one should be reprimanded or even df'd for a little while because it is a relevant danger to other Christians. But here is where it stops; the Society has grown into a man-made organization by elaborating on "biblical rules and regulations" (remember the Pharisees?) by adopting additional directives toward disfellowshipping...., such as questioning scriptural meanings or disassociating yourself and the like....For these there is NO scriptural proof that they should DF you in any way whatsoever!! But then again, how different were the Pharisees? I leave that up to you to answer....

Regards...,

:*)

You are the music as long as the music last...............

thewiz

LDH sorry I misunderstood you. Thanks for the private email. I look at your post now and see it in a different light. Sorry I was so hasty. I was impulsive and let my extreme emotions get in the way.

sf - Just went into Simons thread about censuring/censoring/language. But what the hell, one last time. There're not motherfuckers because many on the GB are still virgins or don't have any children, so they wouldn't be fucking mothers.

OK, here goes. I'm fucking pissed.

Also sf
I've already cried enough tears over the once brillant potential and wasted life of mine. I still have the gift. I just don't care anymore. My outlook on life is that I'm just going to die anyway, so what's the point. Live my life while I'm here, because it ain't gonna matter when I'm dead.

I think I did it!

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