by Cabin in the woods 23 Replies latest jw friends
Right now I am in a bit of a turning point in my world and was wondering if anyone else is there or had been there and would like to chit chat. I guess I am feeling that if these difficult decision and transitions are shared with others that understand they might be a bit easier to live through.
Cab.
No - I have no one to seperate from but I am at a huge metaphorical cross roads in my life... I am between jobs, I am between girlfriends (actually that sounds quite good lol) and I have no baggage no comitments, I can do whatever I want and go anywhere in the world. F**k, I'm a lucky git and I don't realise it.
Well last year I left my husband and moved to a new city - does that count?
It was the best thing I did for that situation. Now I live on my own and despite the difficulties of my increasing disability I am so glad I made the choices I did.
But then when I left my first husband and the WTS 20 years ago that was a major improvement also.
Ballistic, bless your little heart it sounds like you have things pretty much under control. You are at a cross road waiting for a new adventure. That is not bad!
Lady Lee, your situation sounds like mine. I have to stay here in the country as I have no other form of livelihood but what I can form from the land and my environment. My hubby keeps telling me that I would be in big trouble without his insurance and he is right. I sure do feel trapped. Finishing a small addition so that I can have clients live here as that seems to be what I do best. Caring for them and providing a home and etc. This is my second marriage as well and it sure is hard, huh? 11 years the first time and 17 years this time. I am trapped in the area for a year as I exchanged carpentry/ electrical work for free client care to the man and his sons that are working on the addition. I can not break my word. I will use that time to formulate a plan.
Cab.
Cab
Having a plan that works for you can make a transition easier.
When I left the first (married for 15 yrs and had 2 children) I had no idea where I would go or how I would support myself. Due to my mother and the JWs had had few marketable skills. But I applied for student loans and got myself through college and university. I look back and still wonder how I did it all.
Before I left I made my plan. I slowly started buying things I knew I would need and discretely hid them around the house. A friend co-signed a rental for an apartment. My plan came together. In the beginning I had used furniture from friends who didn't need them anymore. My plan worked and I had the basics I needed to survive.
I left the second husband after only 5 years. As I became more disabled, he became more difficult and angry. The anger was seriously affecting my physical health and I knew I had to get out. I did stay for an extra 6 months and tried to get him to understand what was going on and that it had to stop but he said there was no problem. Hmmm pretty much what the first one said. So I started planning and only told him I was leaving 2 weeks before my planned departure. I had just about everything packed already and if I was going to pack anything else he would have noticed so I just sat down and told him I was going and not coming back.
Like magic he became the person I had married and asked if I would change my mind if he behaved better. I thought about 30 seconds and just did not trust him that he would really change. And without the trust there really was no basis for me to stay.
I moved to a new city, where I knew only 1 person (Scully). I lived in a room at the YMCA for the homeless for 9 very long months. And believe me, that was easier than living with the husband. I now have a nice little apartment looking over a park and the river. I am content and working on dealing with the limitations of my disability.
I value my independance a great deal. After a lifetime of abuse and control I hate leaning on others. So I just do what makes me feel good. I've worked hard to get the things I need to take care of myself. Right now I am waiting for a new power wheelchair. - any day I hope.
Work on your plan. Think of all the things you will need to take care of yourself. That includes things for the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom - essentials. Put some money aside if you can and keep it in a safe place
I don't know if this applies to your situation but if it does: If there is any risk of physical danger on your home:
I hope some of this is helpful to you. There is no good reason to stay somewhere and be miserable. I was suicidal when I left the first and just plain fed up with the second. That is no way to live. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who makes me miserable
WOW. Lady Lee I just want you to know how powerful it is that you shared your story. It's amazing how similar we all are, but don't really ever know it. Thanks, I'm definetly going to keep that empowering story in the back of my mind.
Cabin, that's so tough. I like it that he knows where you stand. Too bad you are "stuck" for a little time. You can always vent here.
If all goes well in the next two weeks, in the fall I will be changing provinces, new school, new living arrangements and will be on my own for the first time in my life. To keep myself from melting into a puddle on the floor I plan everything out in advance. I'm paying off my credit card, going thru my belongings now and doing a lot of positive mental thinking. " I will be ok, I will be ok" LOL!
Dams
PMT Dams - Positive Mental Thinking.
PMT Dams - Positive Mental Thinking.
Yes! I need to rememeber that there is a difference between "Postive Mental Thinking" and "Positively Mental Thinking" Fine line at times.
Dams
goodgirl
You just never know when someone else can bemefit fit your experience. Situations might not be identical in all the details but often there are enough similarities that sharing can help others. I hope this helped you too.
Dams
Good show. A good plan, carefully thought out can work wonders. When I left the first husband I had never lived on my own either. But surviving abuse taught me many skills - more than I realized. If you can get through and survive an abusive marriage, even if the abuse is not physical, then you do have the skills to manage on your own. I left my husband in May but school didn't start until Sept. I went on welfare for those few months before school started. It was a hand up for me, not a hand out.
