Anyone here thinking of seperating or other major life change?

by Cabin in the woods 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • damselfly
    damselfly
    A good plan, carefully thought out can work wonders.

    I learned this the hard way. When my husband and I split I had no plan, no money, no where to live. I ended up in places, situations and relatationships because I needed to survive not because they were what I needed. The second time around I am planning way in advance (and possibly not needed if I don't pass the interviews) I don't need to end up the way I did 4 years ago, trying to attend school on an empty belly living in a slummy part of town because it's cheap.

    If you can get through and survive an abusive marriage, even if the abuse is not physical, then you do have the skills to manage on your own.

    This statement is so very true. The human instinct for survival and the coping skills we come up with is astounding. When I look at my past I think that if I survived all that at such a young age then there isn't anything I can't do. With the proper planning of course.

    Dams

  • daystar
    daystar

    Oh yes... I'm about to move away from my familial support system.

    Pros:

    • More time to spend with my son and do other things. (Almost a full two hours less commute time per day.)
    • Spending much less on gas.
    • Not as likely to ever be late to work.
    • I will be able to have friends over for dinner/movies, etc.
    • I will feel more comfortable pursuing relationships with women in the new area.

    Cons:

    • It will just be me and my son. As much as I love my son, I will be lonely. (Until I meet some women from the area. )
    • I won't have as ready sitters as I do in my parents.
    • Monthly cost of living in the area I'm moving to will be slightly higher.

    It seems like the Pros outweigh the Cons, but not quite so. Loneliness really does outweigh saving on gas and being ontime to work everyday.

    However, I know that it is not a reality and is really just an idea in my mind. I think I'm going to be lonely.

    Anyway, so yeah, I've been stressing. I had a severe panic attack over the weekend complete with inability to think or speak clearly and I couldn't stop moving my legs, sort of like when a person is nervous and they keep bouncing their leg up and down when sitting... I was at my sister's for her b-day party and I had to leave teh table during a game we were playing and lie down away from everybody. It sucked. It lasted about three hours.

    But, I know that I can get through this. If I can survive everything I've already been through, I can do this.

  • damselfly
    damselfly

    Oh Sweetie! 3 hours with a panic attack?! That must have felt like forever.

    It sounds like you've carefully considered the pros and cons and should be prepared for whatever comes up. I'm the opposite of you, I don't mind being alone and in fact find the outside world a bit much to deal with at times. Some days I can't wait to get home and just be by myself. Too much interaction leaves me drained and antsy.

    Dams

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    daystar You're stronger than you think. I really treasure my alone time. I have a neighbor who would love to drop over for coffee all the time. I stopped that even before I started. This is MY space and I choose who I want in it and when.

    You have a good list of pros and cons. You might find that by the end of the day you really enjoy the peace and quiet.

    As for the panic attacks, try this and see if it works for you: Find something cold and hard. A piece of metal is good, like on a chair. Grab onto it. Focus on the feel of the metal and the coldness. If you are at home grab a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer or something similar. Instead of feeling the panic try to focus on the feelings in your hand. I know amny people have found this to be helpful. The cold helps to switch out of the panic state.

    Also, try to figure out what your triggers are, what brings on the attack. Do this when you are past the attack. Think about what was around you, something someone said, something you saw, or smelled or tasted or felt. Attacks can be triggered by any of our senses. Once you can identify the triggers you can develop other ways to deal with them

  • daystar
    daystar

    Lady Lee

    This was the very worst panic attack I've ever had. I mean, I thought I'd had them before, but not... at... all. This was like the difference between night and day. I finally got over it by taking a bit of a nap and then watching some comedy on TV.

    I had taken some Zyrtec earlier for allergies earlier. The pseudo-ephedrine HCL in that usually makes me a bit edgy, but nothing like this. It was several hours later when I felt the panic set in. I had bought a couple of pretty serious books earlier and people started showing up for the party. I was the only single person there. My mind went into overdrive and just would not shut down. If I'd not known better, I would have thought I'd been slipped some LSD, but there were no visuals.

    Thanks for the suggestions.

    dams

    *hugs* Thanks sweetie!

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I would suggest you definitely talk to your doctor about this. it may have been triggered by the group and you flying solo or it could have been the medication or both. But check it out.

  • poodlehead
    poodlehead

    Wow can I relate to some of your stories. I left my husband Over three years ago and it was the best thing I have ever done. We were together 23 years and I was very unhappy. Daystar I have panic attack and I am terrified of being alone. The ways I combat my problem is One working long hours, Two staying bussy and Three staying focused. It's like when I am alone that little voice in my head takes over and I spiral down hill. I keep the TV on even if I am not watching it. If I feel I am starting to loose it I try to focus on something. I have called Suicide Hotline and told them I am fine I just need to talk to someone. It sometimes help. Or I take a hot bath. The worst thing for me is to drink or stay in bed. I must remain active.

    I have started a new adventure in my life. I just got Married. He is a wonderful man and is very understanding. He also pushes me to not give in to my problems. He makes me get up and get out of the house. Which at times can be hard. One night I was having a panic attack and I woke him up at 3am. He was very tired but he got up and to my surprise got dressed and took me to the beach. After a long walk I was okay again. He doesn't always understand what I feel, but he does except it. I feel very lucky to have him.

  • Thegoodgirl
    Thegoodgirl

    Poodlehead, sounds like you found yourself a keeper!

    GG

  • mcsemike
    mcsemike

    Dear Cabin: My wife came to me in 2001 and said, "We're thinking of separating from you." No explanation, wouldn't discuss it. Three days later she and my 16 year old daughter came home from the Service Meeting and said, "We just came home to say goodbye. Our bags are at my sister's house and we're moving out. During the next week, she came back and took her clothes and personal things. That was it. I've seen my daughter once in the last 3 years and that was last June when they both had dinner with me to say goodbye because I was moving to Florida to stay with family while I got back on my feet.

    If you want to chat privately, I set up an email that cannot be traced. I'm also a computer geek. It's: [email protected] My alias name is Thomas King. I hope to hear from you. Good luck.

  • anewme
    anewme

    No, had my major life change in 2001.

    Now its calm waters, blue skies and little birds chirpping.

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