Hello all. I am new here. I began studying with the witnesses in 02 and was baptized in 04 but within months of baptism I stopped attending meetings. My marriage was rocky at best before I studied (husband abusive) but after it just continued to get worse. I had a baby daughter when I started and had my son while going to meetings and out in service as unbaptized publisher. Of course I was doing this without help of my husband so I would always come home from meetings more stressed than ever after keeping (or attempting I should say) my kids under control while there. Of course no one would ever offer to help with them...except when I would miss a few meetings and then elders would say something to sisters and then they would be like "Oh yeah we help each other don't we". I always wondered with all the LOVE they speak of why do they need to be reminded of something so simple. Another question I always had was the apostasy thing. If it was the truth what were they so afraid I would learn? Now I know, I would learn how many stupid things they have said in the past. Also with my marriage, they have all those rules about reasons for separation. Well everything I read about abuse said in cases of "extreme physical abuse". Well they really need to be inlightened because the verbal, mental and psychological abuse is the hardest to live with. (Speaking of that since leaving my husband and the organization I began to realize they used the EXACT same tactics of control that my husband did. So I wonder if I had not been so used to being controlled, would I have even fallen into their trap?) And it's funny when I was with my husband I did not have any support from them but once I left they're practically swarming me with offers of help and sympathy. Where were they when I really needed them? And when I spoke with elders about the abuse when I was still attending meetings the only thing they could say was "Try to keep the kids quieter, cook his supper and don't call the police because once you get authorities involved you can't get rid of them(look who's talking)." A lot of help that was. Now I just wish I had never gotten involved in it in the first place. My daughter is now going on 5, she's been taught their beliefs up until now so she asks me all the time "Do we celebrate birthdays? Do we do Easter? Grandma doesn't do birthdays does she?" She is so confused now. My family is very split because of it all. My aunt is baptized and she studies with my mom, but my mom shows no interest in progressing although she does not celebrate holidays and attends all meeting, she says she will NOT become a publisher and I hope she sticks to that.
I have been reading on here about Richie Rich and how he got ahold of the flock book. I read about that on other sites. Is there somewhere that it is on here. I am very curious about what it says. I told my mom a little about what I read before, but she isn't ready to listen I guess.
Thank you all for reading this and I am glad to have someone to talk to now. No one who hasn't been there understands. I have tried telling old friends how hard it is to leave the witnesses but they just don't get it. How much guilt you feel and how confused you suddenly are about what to believe. I really miss praying, but just don't know how anymore. Feel like I gotta figure out who MY god is because their version is not my idea at all. Thank you all.