I got an email back from an elder this morning and it looks like the BOE is going to treat my email as a letter of disassociation. He said he was sad but would forward my email to the congregation that currently has my publishers card. This wonderful elder also took the liberty of calling a brother that I’m really close to and told him about my email, he also sent him a copy (this brother is not an elder!). It upset me so much that this man had to hear about this from someone other than myself.
I am waiting to hear from the other elders to see if they will be making an announcement. I hope they tell me before they do so, at least then I will have some time to call a few people up and let them know what’s going to happen, so it does not hit them as a surprise.
I feel so sad and numb. Everything I have believed in for years has turned out to be a lie; the people that I love and care about will be forced to choose to either be faithful to their god or have a relationship with me. I know what they will choose.
I know that I am doing the right thing, but I don’t understand why it hurts so much.
lola