by daystar 36 Replies latest social relationships
She is busy with business, house, kid and her, you know, fiance. Which, BTW, also has me on edge. I, as a rule, never involve myself with someone who is already otherwise involved. But, she had said she was not married in the beginning, which is technically true, I suppose, and also, what's done is done.
If she is willing to sneak around on HIM then she is willing to sneak around on YOU.
I say give it some time. If you really like her, then ask her what her plans are. Is she going to leave her fiance? Will you be patient enough to give her time if she is willing? Just talk to her about your feelings, and see what she has to say!
Good advice hon. I've got quite a lot of patience, the rest of my life, in fact. I think the email I sent to her earlier should more or less lay it all out. But I am being cautious, perhaps too cautious. But better that than the alternative.
If she is willing to sneak around on HIM then she is willing to sneak around on YOU.
"Oh, but this is different!" Yeah, you know, I've said the same thing to other people. And I think it is generally true. But, not always. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is one of those sayings as well. I used to cheat. Years before I met my ex-wife, I had cheated on several girls in a row. I haven't cheated in... probably elevn or twelve years and I've dated a number of women in that time.
However, odds are, as you say, that if she's willing to do it with him, she'll do it with me. I'll keep my whits about me.
Wow, though I said I didn't need any advice, you guys are giving some goodies! Thanks!
I agree w/ Elsewhere.
It is one thing for a chick to chat up a guy, but another to go to dinner and sing a song all the while knowing you got one at home. Just be careful. Her heart may not be as in it as yours.
The thing that concerns me is .... is she the type of woman that is generally unhappy with any man, but stays until the next one comes along. There are women out there like that. They flit and float from guy to guy. Maybe no one can make her happy. Again, just be careful.
Well, from past experience, sometimes women feel "stuck" in a relationship. You dont want to be alone, or you feel for some reason that you should stay. But your not happy, and really want out. Maybe that is what she is feeling, and just doesnt know how to do it! Sometimes just having the security of a man around feels comfy. And the thought of uprooting your children when they are use to something is scary too. Wait it out a bit, you never know.
Looking_glass, I will be. Thank you.
I would make a very simple request of her: Ask her to stop seeing "the other guy" before you will see her. If she refuses, you have your answer.
So long as she is still seeing him, she is in effect cheating on you.
I know a few people that have tried to start relationships with others that still live in the same home as their exs. They never work out. These people haven't moved out because they are still holding on even if they claim they aren't happy.
Ask her when she has plans to move and offer to help.
Dams
"Once a cheater, always a cheater"
I dont agree. I think people can make huge godalmighty mistakes and learn from them. My current partner cheated on his last partner with me and the utter misery and turmoil it caused all 3 of us has made him one of the most trustworthy people I know. He was young and selfish and stupid, then he was on the steepest most painful learning curve of his life. He says he would NEVER go through that again precisely because he knows how cruel and painful it was to everyone. (BTW I was deceived as well as his previous partner).
I think this woman is giving you mixed messages because she probably does feel kind of bad about what she is doing and its hard for her to live with him and see you.
But I think life is short and you have to grab things. I hope she manages to make a choice that has her and your long term happpiness at heart. And her partners too, because it would be ultimately selfish for her to stop with him if she doesnt love him.
Dont get to the end of your life and wish you had found out if that person who made your life light up was the lid for your pot or not. You might not meet someone who rings your bells again. Ever.
katiekitten
Dont get to the end of your life and wish you had found out if that person who made your life light up was the lid for your pot or not. You might not meet someone who rings your bells again. Ever.
Right, and this is one reason I didn't cut and run immediately. When I was younger, falling in love was easy. Not so much any more. (Not that this is "love" necessarily, yet. But it's the closest to it that I've felt in a long time... intense interest and sparks.)
Thanks a lot for your perspective.
