I hope the memories don't cause you overwhelming pain at this point in your life. And of course I'm sorry this happened to you or anyone.
suppose it's time....
by BlackSwan of Memphis 23 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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crazyblondeb
blackswan,Give yourself a big hug for all of us. I was sexually abuse by my stepdad, who was a MS at the time. It's hard to talk about, so I feel your pain. Over the years I tried drinking, drugs, suicide attempts, ect....Being here has helped SSSSSSSSSOOOOO much.
I'm at the point now I'll talk about it. If it will help put even a slight doubt out there, it's served it's purpose. I tried pressing charges, but the statue of limitations ran out. I talked to Kimberly Norris, the attorney, but she didn't think it'd do any good. I'd like to find a way now to bring him down a noch or two. Anyway.....sorry about getting off the subject.
shelley
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Lady Liberty
Dear MSOM,
I am SO very sorry!! What a horrible thing to have to have gone through and to have to live with!! (((HUGS))) We are glad you felt you could talk to us here. And were here when ever you need to release. Again, (((HUGS)))!!!
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
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outnfree
(((((((((sweetie))))))))!
Despite our conversations re silentlambs, you never really said anything. I am proud of you for making this declaration. It's very hard.
I just read an article about a bunch of boys tackling a girl in a local park, pulling down her pants to have a look. The cops called it an assault (they squeezed her breasts, too) and were asking the public for any information it might have based on the descriptions she provided. This was curious kids against another kid -- they were pre-teens -- and the authorities called it assault. What you describe was assault AND abuse. The perverted perp was the wrongdoer here, not you, Black Swan, as others have pointed out.
If you need me to lend an ear, you've got my number.
Love and hugs,
Brenda
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Star Moore
wow, what a jerk, to abuse a preteen.
It may be partially the person's fault in the home, that made you feel like running out in the night...
((((((((((((meagie)))))))))))))
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merfi
(((((BSoM))))) You got lotsa real sisters here. My heart hurts for you....
~merfi
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Sad emo
(((BlackSwan)))
It's a long difficult road after such abuse. It's not easy to let go of the guilt and place it with the only guilty one - the perp.
What you have done in posting is taken another step down that road to your freedom.
We'll walk with you if you like.
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BlackSwan of Memphis
Kw: ThxFerret; sf; looking-glass; sad emo: yeah the guilt. The policies that the wts held (or hold) in place for so long regarding rape/abuse is just ridiculous. They place the blame on the victim in many instances. I researched it on the cd rom and it wasn’t until maybe (I think) the late 90’s before they acknowledged maybe they had been slightly wrong. And in Some cases a woman may be frozen with fear.
There had been a member of my family come out and say she had been raped. I remember that the BIG thing was, well the elders have to talk to her to make sure she was raped and that she didn’t comply, because had she complied, she would be guilty of allowing it to happen.
I remember feeling sick to my stomach. This had happened After what had happened to me. It took until a couple of months ago before I finally realized that …
Before I finally was willing to admit that they were wrong and maybe I wasn’t guilty like the publications said.
I came home from work that day it hit me and just spilled it all out in tears to my husband and while he had an idea what happened, I never was upset about it. He could never figure it out, but when I explained the entire situation, he got it. And so many things just connected.
The WTS has a lot to answer for. Hearts that have been absolutely broken and crushed, spirits that are nearly devastated. They won’t even apologize.
One stupid apology can’t be heard from them. Instead people tell us we are on a witch hunt. That, that alone puts me down, man.
Confusedjw: thank you. (trying to figure out what overwhelming is)
CrzyBlonde: Yep, you get it. I don’t think I can even verbalize the details of what took place to myself, let alone to others. I never even wanted to tell you guys. Y’know why? Because like I said I have always just felt I was just as guilty. The hardest part right now is acknowledging exactly what took place, processing it and saying to myself: that is what happened, that was not your fault.
LadyLiberty: Thx for the (((((hugs)))) guess I felt it was time to talk.
Outnfree: I am so sorry I didn’t tell you. Didn’t know how. (((((((hugs))))))
Merfi: thank you, you’re sweet!
It's a long difficult road after such abuse. It's not easy to let go of the guilt and place it with the only guilty one - the perp.
Yep. Long difficult. Tiresome.
Thank you for the responses.
Truthfully, I have been terrified of telling you all. Because (ok here come the dumb teaers) I guess I didn’t want people to think that I was trying to get attention or being overly dramatic about things. Afraid of being questioned the way I fear I would have had I gone to the elders. Afraid of people I know on here (like family who might be lurking), who would question me. Afraid, just afraid.
I have never, never, never ever thought of myself as being a victim on the same plane as so many of you. Not once would I let myself think of what happened that night as being rape. I went to other forums to talk first and get it out there and see what the response would be first, because I just was scared.
Sorry it took so long. And sorry for second guessing you all.
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AuldSoul
(((BlackSwan of Memphis))),
You did what you were supposed to do. You survived. Now you need to learn productive coping skills to deal with it. This is one of those "can't see the forest for the trees" type of monster issues in your life. This event from your past is affecting you in hundreds of ways that you probably aren't even aware of.
Have you had clinical counseling? If not, I strongly urge you to do that for yourself. There are management techniques for minimizing the impacts on the rest of your life. You were a victim of a violent crime. No one goes through that unscathed. It creates a "before" and "after" moment in your life, a watershed moment. There is no going back to before. In fact, such a traumatic event can alter our perceptions of "before" in dramatic ways.
Victims carry scars, of a sort, whether physically, or emotionally, or mentally. You could think of counseling as an ointment specially designed to minimize the appearance of an unsightly scar or two. The wounds may not even be healed yet, much less scarred. Imagine someone with an open wound, bleeding and exposed to infection which could make it even worse, pretending to be tough enough to go on and that the wound isn't really affecting them. What would you encourage that person to do?
One survivor to another, please get counseling. Someone with an outside perspective can see things you have missed. Also, I highly recommend "Courage to Heal." This book was recommended to me by my therapist. It is geared toward women, so I had to change around a lot of things to make it more applicable to me, but it has really helped my wife a lot. She is more aware of why certain things in here life are the way they are, she has now remembered the outspoken little girl she was before the abuse started and is beginning to let herself be more assertive (that is how the abuse affected her).
Respectfully,
AuldSoul