The prospect of never being in a healthy relationship, living as a single person indefinitely is so depressing, many JW women keep tolerating the abuse. After a while, I believed I was incapable of being alone until the abuse reached a new level and my life was at stake. That coupled with the JW "rule" that 2 must witness the offense, husband is the authority in a marriage and strongly discouraging any involvement of police, hospitals, or anything that could "shame the organization" the abuse went on a long time. How would I be treated after I left my abusive husband? I am the bad one. I left. I can't tell anyone what he did or why I left because then I would be punished. My husband acted so sad and "woe as me" crap that it was truly disgusting. That coupled with the fact of his stalking and harrassment (against restraining orders) was viewed by JW elders and others as his sincere attempt to patch things up and I, again, was the bad one for not trying harder and letting him do as he pleased. I was not allowed to call police for these violations, again - shame on the organization and my foolishly listening to these elders and not my safety.
It is not just the sheltering of abusers in this cult that should concern you, it is the fact this religion empowers the husband to take control and manipulate the wife's life in so many ways that she can lose her identity, all freedom of choice. The wife will be treated in the congregation as her husband or the elders chose to portray her - not for who she truly is or wishes she could be. Some men are drawn to this religion solely for these reasons. They want to control and dominate a spouse and have a religion to enforce it. Others find it easy to fall into that pattern because of the emphasis that is put on the man's place over women and the realization that they are virtually untouchable when it comes to being stopped if becomes physical/verbal abuse because it does happen privately and even marks and broken bones can be excused away as from another source or accidental or even "her misconception or fault." My experience at 2 congregations and a multitude of Elders is that the abuse if felt to be the woman's fault. That a relationship can always work out if the woman tries hard enough. Trust me, there is never enough to be given to stop an abuser.
A husband outside the JWs will mean the wife will rarely, if ever be invited anywhere. That is, if you are not disfellowshipped or reproved for being with an outsider. If this couple has children, these children will also be seen as tainted by their "worldly" father and not as good as those children from an "all JW family."
Think about what you want out of life. You are young and have time - do not limit yourself in so many ways!! The more doors you keep open the better chance for you to fully find yourself and your happiness.
WW
