by loosie 22 Replies latest social humour
How about a guide dog whose former master used to accept magazines from a witnesses preaching on a street corner,only this contuined with the dog taking the intiutive this time,only second master started BOOK STUDY and is now baptized!
JEHOVAH BE PRAISED!
One day the late Pope, John Paul 2, decided to phone George Dubya. He knew that George Dubya had a direct line to God, and he needed the number so he could discuss a few issues that were troubling him.
Well, believe it or not, having got God's number, John Paul misdialled and got through to JWs Brooklyn. When he said he wanted to speak direct with God, the switchboard put him through to a member of the GB. John Paul was so impressed by what the GB guy told him, he decided to become a JW and bring in the whole Roman Catholic church with him (and all their money).
But Satan found out about this and killed John Paul before he could finalise things.
JW urban legend:
Celebrated Watchtower scholars exist!!!
W
Celebrated Watchtower scholars exist!!!
That's no myth; ask Firpo Carr!
These are hilarious, but surely theyre all true???
Heres one. A man was the only Jehovahs Witness on an Island off Australia. Because there was a low population he struggled to get his time in. He therefore trained pigeons to carry tracts and drop them on nearby islands. He always wrote his address on the tract so that any interested person could contact him.
One of his pigeons eventually went missing, and the brother thought he had got his internal compass muddled up. But two years later he received a letter addressed to 'My Dear Brother' from a prison in Australia. The letter explained that the writer used to be a bandit and a murderer among the islands. One day he had robbed a man who had in his posession a pigeon with an injured leg carrying a tract. He had eaten the pigeon (it cant ALWAYS be a happy ending can it??), with a fine claret the victim was also carrying.
After drinking the claret and enjoying one of the finest pigeons he had ever tasted, he was going to wipe his hands on the tract when he noticed a picture of Armageddon. He read the tract and eventually his concience made him turn himself into the police. He is now serving an 8 year prison sentence (reduced for his honesty, and the fact that he returned many of the jewels and coins he had stolen) and is having a bible study with an elder who has permission to visit him in prison.
Or did I already read that in the Witchtower?
Heres one. A man was the only Jehovahs Witness on an Island off Australia. Because there was a low population he struggled to get his time in. He therefore trained pigeons to carry tracts and drop them on nearby islands. He always wrote his address on the tract so that any interested person could contact him.
This one exists (in a slightly different form) in "Christendom": A page from a Bible blew overboard from a sailing ship (sometime pre-1800s). It landed on an island that never had had outside contact, and the whole population became Christians.
These are hilarious, but surely theyre all true???
Not yet - but I have a feeling they will be...
Will the pigeon be resurrected as a reward for its missionary work? And the guide dog?
Ok so if I get any responses from these I will post them here. If any of you on the edge enough to still send insprirational emails, it would be welcomed if you post the responses here.
I was trying to think of a pigeon joke I used to know but could only come up with this parrot one...
A guy decides he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot answers the guy's question, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh, yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang on to your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it cause of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag: $200. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with "Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20, just make an offer." The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman..."
"What?" says the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot. "My God!!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down..." The parrot (pauses for a long time...) "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "I don't know," says the parrot, "my dick got hard and I fell off my perch....."
