How do you deal with JW's knowing they will shun you?

by JH 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  JH

  I went to the grocery store yesterday, and I saw a JW who was looking at me with a sort of sad face. I said hello, and he didn't reply. So why does he stare at me for if he knows he won't reply to me when I say hello?

  I figured that it's like a bate. They look at me in order to make me do the first move and say something. Then they just ignore me.

  So, from now on, knowing that they mostly all act that way, if they look at me, I'll say hello to them, and turn my head away very quickly so that they can't shun me by not answering.

  Like this they can't say that I was rude by not saying anything, and they won't be able to try to hurt me by not answering, because I won't be looking their way more than a second when I said hello.

  OH, and I was never disfellowshipped....
• 

  snarf

  Ouch, some people can be so hurtful ! Like a simple "hello" would have hurt for them to say. How are you supposed to be encouraged if they can't even say a single nice word? Frustrating !!! I think you did great, you were nice, the bigger person. I run into witnesses all the time, I live in a really small town. I always look them straight in the eye and say hello with a big smile, sometimes they reply back and sometimes they keep going. At least I know who the bigger person is when I walk away. Please don't avert your stare though, it will make them feel like you are hiding something. Look em in the eye, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
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  fullofdoubtnow

  It can be a little embarassing when you speak to someone and they tota;;y blank you, so I just smile at them. I have done this a couple of times, and the jw has lowered their head or turned away.
• 

  geevee

  I think that the way you describe is a good way to go, acknowlege them and move on, otherwise it's just their game. I remember years ago a young guy from another town was DFed for who knows what, and we didnt know. He came upto us and started talking. Other dubs who knew his situation saw this and came over real fast and told us about his status. We were incensed that he had the gall to talk to us!!
  
  Now, well, it would be different. I am happy to talk to anyone regardless of their JW status. The x-dubs are blown away that you would talk to them, and are happy when they know you dont go anymore. They wondered when we would wise up. One guy said I always thought you were smart, but wondered when you would see it!! He was very happy.
  
  Another guy that all the dubs avoid like the plague was in front of me in the supermarket. I walked up to him and said hi. He was stunned. He said "you know, in 8 years you are the first one [jw] to come up and talk to me"!! I said I have news for you, WE dont go any more!! We both just laughed and I said to him, I bet we could talk for hours!
  
  When I see dubs down the street and they are making a point of not seeing me...and it is usually obvious, I love to say hello to them. Why not? I am not DF/DA so they should be happy to talk to me shouldn't they? And wouldnt it get under their skin? Wouldn't they get annoyed about it? Hope so.
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  ButtLight

  I really hate it when they stare at you like you have a big fat wart on your nose or something. One lady did that to me. She kept looking and then look away, over and over and over. I was getting irritated. Then my bf said, look who just walked in the door! It was her elder husband who df'd me. I said to my bf "he can shove that wt up his arse." Well, he must have heard me, cause he turned around and gave me a weird look!
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  luna2

  I haven't been shunned yet. Hard to know exactly how I'll take it. I don't want to play by their rules, though. Hopefully, I'll smile, say hello and then leave it up to them. Have barely spoken to any of the folks from my old congo in the past four years. Somehow, I don't think its going to be much of a problem.
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  unclebruce

  Loud and proud works well. I'm a pretty quiet guy in real life but I can crank it up. JWs expect us to get about looking sad and glum so do the opposite .. smile be happy and polite. We're so lucky they don't expect us to be happy then we'd have to pretend we're sad to prove them wrong.

  As it is, all we have to do to 'plant seeds' is be happy. When I went back to Adelaide last November and met a lot of old JW friends, Elders etc.. it was obvious that they didn't know what to expect. My beard said I was no longer one of them but my manner was friendly .. we laughed and told old stories and stired each other just like old times. One Elder got a bit carried away and invited me to dinner at his place (the look on his wifes face was priceless.) A few swear worsds slipped out in conversation with my brother in law but he's cool enough for a jehovah's retard.

  I've found that my old JW friends don't mind me being out - they prefer that to people who are neither in nor out. At least with me they can say what they like (tell bawdy jokes and talk a bit rough even lol).

  I imagine that if a JW snubbed me at a supermarket I'd give them a big cheery wave .. but in reality I'd probably feel too sad .. JW is a small town religion.
• 

  JH

  Well, some will talk to me, as if all is OK.

  Elders all say hello to me, hoping I'll come back or that I'll say something interesting to them....

  I'd say, it's about half of the JW's who will shun me to a certain extent.

  I never was df'd, just inactive on and off since years. Since they don't all act the same way, proves that they aren't 100% united in their beliefs and actions. The elders should make it clear that you Don't shun a person who isn't officially Disfellowshipped.
• 

  garybuss

  If people are nice to me, and nice to people who are important to me, I treat them accordingly. If people snub me and are mean to me and to people who are important to me, I shun and snub them till they die.
  
  
• 

  lovelylil

  one elderly lady who accidently walked right into my path in a walmart almost fell over her own feet trying to get away from me. She was saying "oh,oh" and was very awkward nearly tripping to get away fast. It was so hillairous like I had the plague or something.

  Then there is this other old nut job who used to be jealous of me when I was in the hall. She just hides behind the aisle in the grocery store and stares at me then turns away when I turn towards her. The next time she does this I think I will say something like, do the elders know you are spying on me? And see what she does.