PROCESS: I don't belong in this world....yet.

by freedomlover 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  mandivided

  I agree with this completely....been out of the borg for about....wow I guess like 10 months now. Moved from Pennsylvania to escape the pain of being so near to my-once-very-tight-knit family, and being able to have nothing to do with them. Came to California to be closer to my Aunt and my Dad.

  Went from PA to beautiful Orange County....beaches and sun and anything you could want at 22 years old....but for months I felt nothing! They would take me to great restaurants and beautiful beaches and even being in the outdoors which is my passion brought me nothing....I felt empty. That's the only way I can describe it. Finally one day it clicked. I was hiking in beautiful canyons by the ocean and saw the most amazing sunset....something just happened, and I allowed myself to enjoy it.

  Fortunately, things have been getting better ever since.
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  MegaDude

  Great book. One I recommend to others.
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  freedomlover

  wow, I haven't checked this thread for a few days and I was so surprised to see all the responses.
  
  thanks to all of you.
  
  I suppose Narkissos you hit a "nail on the head" for me. I've always been able to superficially "fit in" with my group whatever that may be at the time. I'm done with the superficial having to fit in so as to "show love to the whole association of brothers." How screwed up was that?! It's stifling to put that many people together and actually try to make them all "get along." I'm finally getting more comfortable with the idea that a lot of people aren't going to like me - and that's FINE!
  
  However - there are very few people in my life that really "get" me. Those people have been very few and far between. I suppose my numbness is in part to the idea that I've left people from the JW's that I thought really knew me - however now, they wouldn't even recognize my dramatically changed soul. - who could blame them? I don't recognize my own soul most days! -
  
  I've always FELT everything. I remember being scolded as a child for how *emotional* I could be. I always thought my high receptive and emotional state was a gift and now, not being able to feel - is so foreign and almost physically painful to me in some ways.
  
  I am trying to "feel" again. It is returning slowly. I am a person that has trouble at times "letting" things happen. I'm usually trying to make things happen. This lesson is a strong one for me. To just let this process happen at it's own pace.
  
  thanks for the words from all of you.
  
  
  
  
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  SPAZnik

  Someone loaned me this book. Maybe I'll read it. :)