PROCESS: I don't belong in this world....yet. (page 2)

anewme

Freedom Lover, dont worry, in time you will be truly free!
Six months is not a long time to sort out all your feelings and beliefs.
Just keep working on the process and trying to figure it all out and one day you will look up and say to yourself, this is it! I am healed. I embrace the world and all that is in it.

I just did two weeks ago. I have been talking online for a year now. I have told my sad story so many times it has lost its stinging lethal power. I have floated way above the painful times. I am dwelling in blissful simplicity and tranquility.

The path to this enlightenment was painful yet worth it to me now. Ex-JWs are in a unique position to find true personal contentment when they reject forever the idea that someone else can give them peace. Peace comes from the searching for it. Peace comes from finding the source is within your own heart.
Inner peace does not come from others, nor can be found in a book. It comes from an inner realization that life is good.

Anewme

magoo

freedom,

i have not been a witness in over 25 years, i have family members, father, 1 sister, that still are. the rest of my siblings ( 3 sisters,4 brothers) have chosen the "freedom' of not being jw's.it is a personal choice, as i have been told so many times. even when i was a jw, i didn't seem to belong......my mother, rest in peace, used to not allow us to associate w/ some of the jw kids 'cause they were "bad" influences. not being able to associate w/ worldly or jw people makes it hard to belong.

but, even though i have been "out" so long, it's not until the last couple of years that i have felt comfortable around "new" people. i have found that if i just be myself, be kind, listen,don't put on the fake fronts that are required by the jw's, that people are really pretty easy to get along with. most are good people that have insecurities, just as x-jw's, that want to have descent friends, that don't really expect too much out of you, unlike all the "friends" in the "organization" that "expect" & fake "perfect christianity."

my advice to you is be yourself, relax, be kind,generous & sincere, the "worldly" people are not the enemy as we were taught for so long.

enjoy your freedom......freedom lover!

magoo

AudeSapere

I, too, know this feeling. Even when I reach out and do new things, sometimes I end up going alone. Not necessarily a bad thing but it makes me wonder about myself. Sometimes.

Sometimes I think I've been 'different' for so long, that it's just hard to fit in. I don't give up. And these solo excursions help me meet new people. I've lots of acquaintances. Now I'm looking to make a few real friends...

btw, freedomlover - you mentioned that you are from NY/NJ. Me, too!

Bergen County, NJ.

juni

Freedom lover, hi.

I, too, went through what you are experiencing. It does get better; it takes time. That's good that you are taking steps to enjoy things that you haven't done for a long time. Sometimes you might feel guilt, but it passes.

By the way, I really like your colorful Ying/Yang!

Juni

sass_my_frass

Yeah I'm still finding my way, and am not in a rush to 'make it happen'. I'm getting on in life in other important ways such as study and house plans, but I'm happy to let my emotions take the course they have to in order to deal with the grief. I've wondered if I'd be better off not coming here, but I think that if I don't purge all the rubbish here, I'm only going to hang onto it for longer. Every time I'm here I'm getting ammo for those times ahead when my Spiritual Training will kick in and tell me I should get reinstated. I was very deeply immersed in it, so I'm not going to pretend that I can rush out now and get on with life. I'm happy to know that one day I'll be an ex-ex-JW.... but I've got to get through this first, and I'm realistic about what it's going to take. I can also help other people through it here, so I think it's worth it.

Get on with life in some simple ways, but give your mind and heart all the time it needs. What we've been through can't be clinically and simply solved.

wanderlustguy

Keep learning and reading...as you get farther down the road it will hit you one day what everything really means and what the real point is, and just like when the veil of the org was lifted...so will the numbness you feel now.

Glad to see you're still around!

WLG

Narkissos

Hey freedomlover,

Nice to see you posting.

Every story is different, and I sure hope yours will get smoother. Yet I believe that some people will never "belong". Whether in the weirdest cult or in "normal" surroundings, right where they were born or far away from home, they will always feel strange.

Their life ain't easy but they are the salt of the earth.

damselfly

I've been out for the better part of a decade and I still feel like an observer at times. It gets better the longer you're out though. (Ihope!)

Dams

bikerchic

yet - the kinship here you feel with others - it's because of sharing this same experience. I have to remember to be patient and considerate of myself and others as they go through this process. this process of re-learning how to feel, and act like a "normal" person takes time. It's a whole new world that was there all the time - right in front of me- yet I don't belong in it yet. I'm getting there though.... ;)

Some day you'll not even recall feeling odd, healing happens when you're busy living.

I can honestly say though that I never felt like I didn't really belong in the world, for a JW I was always considered to be "worldly", but mostly I just never let what other's think of me bother me, it's more about "them".

I'm ok, you're ok and that's ok.

Merry Magdalene

(((((freedom lover))))) the things you express are so thought-provoking and helpful. Thank you for continuing to share your process with us, even if at less frequent intervals.

And I think Narkissos just described me...

I believe that some people will never "belong". Whether in the weirdest cult or in "normal" surroundings, right where they were born or far away from home, they will always feel strange.

I have been "out" for almost 20 years now and have still only managed to experience brief but beautiful moments of "belonging," even here at JWD.

I have yet to find that elusive sense of "belonging" and "home" and "normal" (though I'm not that interested in normal, to be honest). I may very well always feel "stange"--wherever I go, whoever I'm with--and I am beginning to be ok with that...but just barely.

~Merry

PROCESS: I don't belong in this world....yet.

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