Another JW Suicide

by orangefatcat 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Van Gogh

  Orangefatcat,
  Thank you for sharing your story.
  I find that one of the tragic paradoxes of this board is that in expressing our innermost feelings and thoughts in a such coherent way - without falling prey to the inhibitions and prejudices that come with seeing eye to eye in literal way – we can draw closer to each other in ways often never achieved in a lifetime living close together; lifetimes in which we fail to take advantage to literally look into the eyes of another and READ them without words. The paradox being that we can feel so close by telling, expressing, communicating, connecting profoundly, yet, without the ability to hold, hug, touch and associate in person.
  My personal paradox since leaving JW is having become aware of (being part of) something “bigger” – humanity - without judgment, yet becoming aware of your existential loneliness through the mystery as to how to connect with it. Ideally we should have both.
  Another poster PM-ed me yesterday with wisdom that struck me deeply:
  “I hope a world where people love each other comes about too, but it is obvious that all people have a degree of insanity (sin). We are driven by so many fears and anxieties and desires and they cause problems and wars and strife and misery for the human race. We don't seem to be able to work together as one as a species. It isn't a Muslim problem, or American problem, or a Bush problem. It's a human problem IMHO. Have you ever examined your own life and emotions and times where you reacted too strongly and hurt somebody? It seems that when we are put under stress we tend to over-react and become violent in our verbal expressions all the way to extreme physical violence. I see this tendency in myself and others.”
  My mum and dad – who at one time were exemplary Witnesses - killed themselves in 78/79. Many people showed up at their funerals without official involvement of course. It is only now that I can feel the true implications of true grief, tragedy and the implications of its unbroken chain.
  There is never just one single reason for such tragedies, but the WTS definitely is a catalyst. Like “sin”, whatever it signifies, this catalyst remains in place, unchanged as part of the “bigger” thing of humanity of which we as individuals are an integral part, for us to try to deal with, somehow accept, and perhaps forgive.
  VG