Being a parent is the most thankless job anyone ever had. Kids look at at us saying "you did this and this and this to me and ruined my life." Some children may be justified, but 1/2 of it isn't. Mostly when they are teens and in their early 20's (so far as I can see) they just want to forget they ever had parents unless they need money. LOL Now granted I have to say my sons have not beenthat way mostly. They haven't told me the many times they have been in dire straights and needed money. Why I'm not sure, but probably because they either feel I could not care less, or they actually know I can't afford to bail them out. I chose to believe that they know and understand I have nothing to help them with since I've been on disability. They don't complain about it so I guess that is good.
I just pray that somehow the lives they are living right now will go away. My two sons share an apartment and it has become a flop house for other teens who have been kicked out of their parents homes because of drug use. Up to 12 at a time sleeping there. It sickens me that they are living like this because I know they are better than that. Also my youngest son who is graduating smokes pot to dull his mind, and his older brother has been snorting cocaine lately but swears it isn't a habit yet. I see the problems and talk to them but they just say "Oh Mom you worry to much".
I wish I could arrange their lives for them but as parents we can't do that when their grown and making their own choices. I brace myself daily for that call from the police telling me one or both of them have died or been arrested. I want so much good for them, but they don't want it for themselves, which leaves me powerless. They see no value to just plain old working hard, being true to one woman and finding love and happiness in day to day life. All they want is the next thrill that they find in drugs and partying. They are 18 and 22 yrs old.
I pray that if there is a kindly divine force out there they will turn my son's around and save them. But I know the divine, if it's out there, is very busy lisnening to other's prayers for their kids too, and probably will do nothing to help mine. But still I pray and hope for a miracle in just a change of attitude in them. I think I would come to believe in God if they did turn around. It would surely be a miracle that I could not even bring about. I'll pray harder maybe there is still hope.
