Why can we LOSE our Religion, but not LOSE it's effects on us?

by gumby 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  gumby

  Another thread inspired by me chatting with our sweet little Mary...

  We who have exited the Jehovahs Witnesses religion, are now convinced we made the right move. Most of us have NO DOUBT this religion is a destructive, cultlike religion that we wouldn't wish on anybody....and yet,

  ....we STILL suffer the effects it had on us. Why?

  Why can we lose that religion as 'truth',, yet still be under types of bondages it had on us?

  Many STILL have low self esteem. Many have no confidence, feel unworthy, feel guilty.

  So, why do many ( though not all) still suffer from these past experiences and have such a hard time conquering them.....when they now realise it wasn't THEM, rather it was the RELIGION.

  Gumby
• 

  ButtLight

  Because everytime we run into Jw's, they remind us that we are pond scum!
• 

  jgnat

  UMMMM, because we can't lose our HISTORY? We don't get to pick our PARENTS either, and they leave a lasting mark. Not to MENTION bratty SIBLINGS.

  Some of the stuff I've been reading on how the brain develops and learns, is that it physically adapts to it's environment. That is, over time, it "hard-wires" itself. I don't think you can erase what's been stuffed in to our poor, tired brains, but we can force it to change. I think we can rewrite our "programming", but it can take years, and we need to adapt our minds to new ways of thinking and being. We need to regularly expose ourselves to new experiences, question our decisions, monitor our reactions, and choose to go contrary to our "instincts".
• 

  Lady Lee

  Why can we lose that religion as 'truth',, yet still be under types of bondages it had on us?

  Because it is like any form of education and any other type of abuse.

  Many here learned WTese from the time they were born. What we learn stays with us even if it is negative.

  Walking away from the KH doesn't mean anything about what we take away with us. All those Bible stories and WTs and Awake! and books. All those meetings. Whether a person was in since birth or was involved for just a few months it will leave an impression on us.

  And like the battered woman who leaves her abuser the lessons learned are still there.

  The only way to get rid of the strong impression is to change it. You can't unlearn what you have been exposed to but you can and need to work at learning new things to replace the old.

  I worked for 3 battered women's shelter. These shelters were slightly different than the emergency shelters for women to escape to (maximum stay of a few weeks). They were 9 - 12 months of intensive re-education to help them develop the skills they needed to undo the damage by living with an abusive partner. The last thing we wanted was for these women to take their children and return to the abuser. The program dealt with everything you can imagine from learning basic skills like budgeting and work skills to examining why they stayed as long as they did and tried so hard to make the marriage work. What did they learn about who they are and what did they need to discover what kind of person they want to be and what kind of life they wanted for themselves and their future

  We need to change so much and it does take work. But you get to discover more about your strengths and and what you believe than you can ever imagine
• 

  the dreamer dreaming

  all judgements are in reference to a standard.... and JWs are good at implanting an ideal uber-dub as the standard of comparison.

  anything that approaches that standard is good what harms it is evil...

  society, religion and traditions from birth on ward invisibily and often unnoticably implant their own ideals into us and they all form a self-created ideal world and citizen of that world and that forms the true standard of our lives and yet is it valid? most never even see it and thus never challenge it...they assume that it is true because their entire being tells them it is true by emotional responses to their actions and the actions of others and these are difficult to question.

  until and unless one challenges oneself to why he feels as he does he may never see these hidden ideals.
• 

  gumby

  We need to regularly expose ourselves to new experiences, question our decisions, monitor our reactions, and choose to go contrary to our "instincts".

  
  

  
  Jgnathead, ya fruitcake

  I saw an interesting program yesterday on "brainwashing" and how the CIA experimented with this in the past. It truely showed how a mind can be conquered and have it's free-will taken from them.

  Your correct on how the mind can be re-programmed by the means you mention above. What is odd is....we can KNOW we left a false religion, yet many cannot believe/convince themselves they have value outside of the organisation. One one hand you can re-believe, and on the other hand you cannot without a longterm struggle.

  Gumby

  Edited to add.....I missed LL comments and others as I was forming another post. Excellent job you guys
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  because we can't lose our HISTORY

  Jgnat, you are absolutely right. However long it is since we left the wts, and for me it's not that long compared to how long I was in, we will always be ex jws. I would personally love to be able to blank from my memory the years I spent as a jw, and I know my bf would as well, but it's just not possible, so all we can do is get on with the healing process and make sure we don't get ensnared again. There's a lot more help available now for those exiting, of course, but all the help in the world won't erase the memory of what we once were.
• 

  jgnat

  It is also possible to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Our HISTORY, good and bad, MAKES US. We can choose to use those painful experiences make us MORE compassionate, MORE sensitive. In the case of JW's, MORE skeptical. It's the hardest thing in the world to hoodwink a former JW.
• 

  Mary

  Some of the stuff I've been reading on how the brain develops and learns, is that it physically adapts to it's environment. That is, over time, it "hard-wires" itself. I don't think you can erase what's been stuffed in to our poor, tired brains, but we can force it to change. I think we can rewrite our "programming", but it can take years, and we need to adapt our minds to new ways of thinking and being. We need to regularly expose ourselves to new experiences, question our decisions, monitor our reactions, and choose to go contrary to our "instincts".

  This is soooo true. I've also taken a couple of courses in psychology and it's incredible how our brains adapt to our environment and refuses to let go even when we come to the realization that we've been had. The brow-beatings we got sitting at the Kingdumb Hell for decades doesn't automatically go away---it takes alot of time and healing for some (like me) before we can start to gain ground........For example, last night (Thursday) was the very first time in my whole life where I went out (to buy flowers for planting) but did not subconsciously think "...tonight's Meeting night..." and then feel guilty for not going.

  That's one small step for Mary, one giant leap for JWD.
• 

  collegegirl21

  I think its also because we can't let go. Its part of us and we'll never forget what happened to us and as much as I say that its over and that I will move on, if you have family that are still in the religion, you'll never fully be able to let go because you will resent the religion for breaking your family us... maybe thats just me, but that is how I feel.