Great and healing thread. I agree and empathize with everyone including uninformed: “there is nothing to do about it except commiserate with all of you. My respect and love to all of you.”
Gumby,
Yes, we are now convinced we made the right move and STILL suffer the effects it had on us.
We cannot lose that religion as 'truth' because we keep looking to replace it with a truth or an answer somewhere “out there” “in the book” (moanzy). But as dreamer said: NO ONE has the right answer.
Yes, many STILL have low self-esteem. Many have no confidence, feel unworthy, feel guilty.
Jgnat said: we can’t loose our history; our brains are hard-wired; we need to rewrite the programming and choose to go contrary to our "instincts", despite the fact that our entire being tells us it is true. (dreamer). We have taken the “red pill” and rationally know the “truth” was not the truth. Like fullofdoubtnow, it would be nice to take the “blue pill” and blank it all out. But we can’t, because it is all we have and all we are: Our HISTORY, good and bad, MAKES US (jgnat).
eyeslice put it concisely:
“…a total loss of identity. I has been a witness all my life, had given up lots for my religion, education, work opportunities etc, and was therefore only defined by who I was as part of 'God's organization'. I suddenly lost all that through no fault of my own and although I thought I could just walk away, it has been a long hard and sometimes lonely walk.”
This loss of identity can be compounded by parents who stunted any normal growth in the first place (moanzy and garybuss).
After summarizing these comments, I think the problem is that we keep seeking answers OUTSIDE ourselves. We were conditioned to distrust ourselves (our wicked heart). We should of course look INSIDE. But then we have another problem: Which inner voice or gut feeling do we listen to if, at he same time, we have to go contrary to our instincts and what our entire being tells us is true?
Yes, all these wasted years Jgnat… I agree with, and fully understand Gumby: “when you've become older, you don't feel you have ENOUGH time to learn… I'll be 70 when I'll learn things I shoulda known at 30!” but as you say, we’ve been through a unique experience. IMO age is crucial to some ones exit attitude. Raised as a JW and exiting over 40 it tends to become especially sobering. I found Ray Franz’s final words in CoC on his exit age and future prospects both poignant and consoling. Prolonging the WTS-induced self-doubt and cultivating a sceptical viewpoint can become a drag. Looking outside ourselves to others to see how we should be or could have been won’t make for much happiness either. In the end acceptance and forgiveness can make the seed bloom and make us bear fruit. We can choose to use those painful experiences make us MORE compassionate, MORE sensitive (Jgnat). Perhaps past experiences need to be conquered by those. Perhaps we’ll once find out that this is the reason we are/were here after all. Till we find out, faith is all we have.
Peace to us all.
VG
