Did you know of any JW's brothers that were "wife beaters"? Were they DF'd?

by booker-t 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  blondie

  I knew of JW parents who beat their children...one teenager called the police...Child Services investigated after removing all the children...the mother lost custody. The scuttlebutt was that the girl was rebellious and lied to punish her mother for "disciplining" her. I put an end to that story whenever I heard it having had access to the pictures of said teenager...I had never seen bruises like that on anyone before...there were new and old bruises so it was not a one time I lost my temper incident. There were bruises on the other children. But she was not DF'd or publicly reproved.

  Consider too verbal and emotional abuse.

  They only time I saw husbands finally DF'd (neither one elders) for abuse was when they put a gun to their wives heads...fortunately the guns jammed. Even then, the elders tried to get the wives to take back their husbands. The wives divorced their husbands and lost any status they had in the congregation.

  Blondie
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  Gozz

  An elder there was in my old congregation; beat the hell outta his wife routinely; the woman 'll cry; she confided in another sister, who confided in another elder, who advised the sister to persevere. She did. Then one day he beat the living daylights out of her again, then she ran out, and it became known to the neighbours. Then enter the elders. Judicial proceedings against the elder brother. I'd asked a MS who knew about this case; his answer, in retrospect, made some JW sense: ".... this elder was not only beating his wife, the neighbours knew about it and it was a great reproach on Jehovah's name...". Yeah, it's about the neighbours knowing. That he beat the woman wasn't bad enough...

  I remember the elder being "stepped-down" though, but I also recall him making a physical attack at the KH on one of the elders on his case.

  .
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  Undecided

  An opposite story. My aunt married a worldy man who was an acoholic and would abuse her. This was over a period of years. My dad got him going to the KH and he quit drinking and stoped his abuse. He died a few years later at the kitchen table.

  Ken P.
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  freetosee

  At an assembly to come a brother in our congregation couldn’t get of work to attend it. So he quit his job putting Jehovah first, so he said (?). As word spread and reached the DO, he interviewed that brother during a program part and praised him for his exemplary action. Shortly after the next COs visit the brother was appointed as elder. The brother also found a new job as a bus driver for the public transportation services. This meant he had to miss many meetings and was very irregular at attending, he came mainly when he had a part and everyone knew that. Sometimes he delivered his talks in his driver’s uniform. When some complained about this he swooped his jacket and tie with other brothers before going on the platform.
  This same person was also known by the elders to be heavy drinking and beating his wife. He was an active elder a couple of years until he disappeared. He left he wife and children and no one knew where he was living. There were many rumors about him, yet his removal as elder or his DFshipping was never announced.
  One day after my father came home from an elders meeting he mentioned wife beating is a problem in our congregation –so I believe there were more cases.
  Freetosee
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  blondie

  Think about it, what position are the elders in?

  If it seems to be a she said/he said situation, can the elders examine or have a sister examine this sister for bruises? Is that sister qualified to tell whether those bruises were caused accidentally or by abuse? What if there are 2 children who witness the abuse, assume they might be willing to tell the elders what they saw...will children who are 10 or 11 be considered qualified to testify or will they be considered too young, the same age of children who are considered old enough to be baptized as JWs.

  The same issues that swirl around child abuse, swirl around abuse of wives. The elders want to sweep it under the rug and will intimidate the victim to not "make Jehovah look bad."

  It's a crime and should be reported to the proper secular authorities. For same reasons child sexual abuse is not reported, wife abuse is not.

  I am not surprised that elders do not report it, do not believe the wives.

  But if you are an active JW reading this board, and you know of abuse and don't report, you are just as guilty as the abuser. Actually, any of us, ex-JW or never been JW, will we and have we reported the abuse we know of?

  Blondie
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  fullofdoubtnow

  There were rumours in my old kh that a couple of the brothers, one an ms, were beating their wives, and the wives both used to miss quite a few meetings. As far as I know, nothing was ever done about the rumours, so it's probably still going on.
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  misguided

  Feb. 1999 - I've been baptized since 16, my husband never took "the plunge." Feb 22, 1999, I'm told by social services I have to have my husband out of the house by 3 pm, or they would apprehend my children. My youngest daughter had been injured by him and told her teacher what had happened. All kids were interviewed and gave the same story and similar stories of how he'd abused them

  Sept. 2003 - Husband is charged and convicted of criminal harassment and threatening conduct (of us), serves a 30-day sentence and 1 year probation.

  Dec 2005 - Ex husband gets baptized. Jehovah's holy spirit at work there!

  Rose
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  HappyDad

  Not an elder or ms but the "bro" who was interested in my wife when I came on the scene in 1968 wound up marrying a sister 10 years older than him. He moved to her congregation and within a couple of years the gossip was everywhere about him beating her. She had separated from him a few times but always went back. I'm sure the elders had a good hand in talking her into going back for the next round.

  She finally divorced him and he was df'd for the compulsory 1 year.

  I've been out for a few years now and it has to be a good 12-15 years since I heard anything about either of them.

  Another case I was privy to when I was an elder was a family who started coming to the cong I was in (they resided in another cong territory about 10 miles away). Their reason for changing congs was that they were unhappy with the elders sticking their noses into the family business. Truth was........hubby was a wife beater. The wife in her early forty's at the time was very attractive and was working at a local K-Mart. Well......it seems hubby regularly went to the store to see what she was doing. (kind of sick......no?) She was working to help support the 5 kids he had the pleasure of knocking out for God's sake! Three of them were still home at that time.

  Anyhow.......he had a problem with her smiling and being nice to the customers. He used the excuse that she was doing more than smiling at the male customers. That's what made him angry enough to beat her. She disapeared and he came crying to us that she left him. Truth is........she went to a shelter for abused women after he almost killed her with that latest beating. I'm glad I was not on the committee for that one because my fellow a$$hole elders tried their best to keep the couple together.

  I don't know what happened to them because they changed congs once again after that last episode. And I resigned as an elder shortly after (for other issues). I'm sure my fellow elders were happy they left because now they didn't have to deal with the problem anymore.

  Finally.......................my own experience...........Blondie said........

  the elders tried to get the wives to take back their husbands. The wives divorced their husbands and lost any status they had in the congregation.

  That's what happened to my daughter when she went to them about her worthless husband. They tried their best to talk her into staying with him even though she was the victim. They tried the game of......"just think what kind of impression this will make on Jehovah's name." "What will people think?"

  I'm happy to say that she divorced him anyway and is now as happy as I am.....OUT OF THE BORG.

  HappyDad
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  Reefton Jack

  I knew of only one case of a "brother " beating his wife.( I know - one case is one case too many.)

  However, hearing of all the other cases as described on this thread comes as no surprise :

  - I can recall an instance early in my career with the borg, where one couple were having dificulties. The wife concerned did not take kindly to the WTS idea of "husbandly headship." One elder is on record as saying that, to settle the issue, her husband "should clobber her a couple of times".

  If that is an example of typical JW "marriage guidance", what else can you say?

  PS: As a 17 year old from a not altogether happy family life in the "world", this was my first introduction to domestic violence. So much for "Making your Family Life Happy"!
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  juni

  Actually, any of us, ex-JW or never been JW, will we and have we reported the abuse we know of?

  
  

  
  Very good point, Blondie. Why didn't I believe my kids when they brought it to my attention that these kids were getting "spanked" with a board?

  I feel ashamed now. You are very right. These kids are adults now w/various emotional problems. Some are married and are o.k. as they were favorites. My friend who I talk with also knows these people. This ass**** is still a MS and still obnoxious.

  All I can say is - I just didn't take it seriously as this was God's org. and I thought my kids were exaggerating. Felt that if it were happening that his cong. would take care of it.

  I am not the same person anymore as I was as a witness. I tried to explain away crap to my kids so that God's org. looked good. How sick is that? These demons still lurk in the back of my mind and I am saddened.

  Juni