Hi. First excuse my spelling throughout this piece.This issue has a lot of back history that is needed to understand it, so please bear with the long summary.
I am currently still a jehovah witness, on paper; I have not attended a meeting for over 6 months. I was reproved about 7 months ago. Why? Because I questioned their actions, and I had influence over others. Atleast that is what I feel is the truthful explanation.
Over a year ago, i was engaged to a "brother" in the congregation. He was a ministerial servant. We started off as one of those "all around" couples in the congregation. Always out in field service and always active. Yet, about a year ago, he was wrongfully accused and arrested for robbery. Any way, the elders in the congregation treated him as though they had seen him commit a crime. They did not believe him when he said he was innocent, and they eventually told him he was going to be disfellowshipped. He tried to have it appealed. Yet, the elders monopolize everything and cast the vote against him. Because many people believed my fiance and they knew he was not the kind of individual who would do something like that, the elders grew vengeful with my fiance. Ever since then, the elders have carried a grudge against him and me. They are against me because I stood up for him and they know that while I do not admit it, I most certainly still do. The elders tried to break up the engagement and as much as they have been led to believe, we are no longer together. Because I did not willfullly break up my engagement, I was reproved. The only reason I was not disfellowshipped was because I lied and told them I was not with him anymore.
Yet the elders were still very rude.When my parents would leave the house and I was by myself, they would approach me and tell me that my fiance was a liar and that if I stayed with him it meant I was an accomplous. I knew my fiance was innocent; therefore, I did not believe them. The elders peak into the windows of my car looing for visible evidence that I am still with him. They have searched through my mail looking for phone bills to check if I still talk to him over the phone. They insulted me to the point that I quit going to the meetings. I can not remember the last time I prayed.
Back in February, my fiance was exonerated of all charges. He was proved innocent in court. When he approached the elders and showed them the letter stating he was innocent, they said that it did not matter what the court said, but what they thought.
How fair is that?! That was the last straw. I have never been known to quit. I don't like the way it feels to quit. But is there a time when enough is enough? My life has been put on hold ever since and I dont know which way to get out of the rut I am currently in. Do I disassociate myself? Do I go get married to him and let them disfellowship me? Do I wait till he is reinstated for us to get married and then never attend afterwards? The only reason for the last option is because both of our families are jehovah witnesses.
On a personal note:
I use to think there was nothing that the elders could have done that was ever bad. I originally thought they were so loving and that they actually cared. I was very wrong. I am not angry with them. I am just really hurt and I dont know how to forgive them. Is it even possible?
I cannot speak of anyone around here. I will be called an apostate. But comments and opinions are very welcomed.
Thank you.