Hi everyone, I've been a member of the site for a month, but have been reading the posts for a lot longer, however this is my first post. I was raised a j-dub by my mother (my father wasn't religious) with my sister and brother. I was pretty much convinced by my dub friends, bible study conductor, and mother that I should get baptized when I was 15 and decided to go for it. Not more than 3 months after I got baptized I really lost interest in going to the meetings and spent more time hanging out with my friends from high school. After a few months I started dating a few girls and got a girlfriend. I tried not to do anything sexually with her but after a few weeks I just decided that I wanted to and I didn't care about the consequences. After dating my girlfriend for a year I got a call from an elder that wanted speak with me and when they asked me point blank if I was sleeping with her, I was honest and told them. I was disfellowshipped in 1998 right after I graduated from High school. I then went to college and would come back to my home in the summers and be shunned by diffrent family members and it would bother me. However since my father was not a dub, I never recieved any harsh shunning from my immediate family except for not being able to attend my sisters graduation party. After college I got engaged and married to my wife who was actually the girl I was disfellowshipped for sleeping with 8 years ago. After I was married I got a call from the local elders wanting to speak with me. At this time I was sporadically attending meetings to please my mother. I met with them at the kingdom hall and they told me that since I am married now, what I was disfellowshipped for was cleaned up in my life and that I could write a letter telling them this and reinstatment should occur. This brings us to 4 months ago. I never really questioned any doctrine because I just believed it was the truth. I had heard from some ex jdubs about bath sarim, and 1975 but never investigated it for myself. I am so happy that I decided to look into it for myself. This message board is the most uplifting thing I have found out there. After watching the jeremiah films documentary on Jehovahs witnesses, I decided to read Crisis of Conscience, and Ray Franz's insight and knowledge on how the whole organization is run blew me away, not to mention the history behind the watchtower org. Up until a month ago I believed that i was doomed to die in an Armegeddon. Now I feel at peace to know that "the truth" is what you believe it to be. I never realized how much the watchtower organization controls how the scriptures are interpreted. I feel removed of all the guilt that the organization put on me and all of the fear of not living up to the Watchtower Orgs standards. That being said. My mother, sister, cousins, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandmother are J dubs. The ones that talk to me keep telling me to send in my letter. "Hurry up and get reinsated" they say. Even though I totally do not believe the doctrine or want to be a part of the organization I think I may get reinsated just so I can associate freely with my family. I really need some help sorting these things out and would appreciate any support or even critiscm of my situation. Also, If anybody here has written a succesful reinsatement letter I would love to see it if you still had it. Thanks in advance, JR
My Story..... Need advice on reinstatement Letter.
by jrjr4189 44 Replies latest jw experiences
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jgnat
I don't know if a letter would do it. I believe you need to meet with a couple elders and display appropriate humility. You will then likely be assigned a book study with a brother, six months minimum. In that time, keep up on meeting attendance, and of course, always displaying appropriate heart attitude (aka humility).
Yuk.
Ain't fun.
Good luck. Come here for release.
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Seeker4
Wow, JR, that's a tough one. I can understand your desire to get reinstated in order to freely be with your family, but it may not be that easy. If you're going to do it, I'd be very careful to give as little information as possible. You will likely have to lie, especially if the brothers ask you if you believe it is "the Truth." Are you willing to do that?
You will also be setting yourself up for being disfellowshipped again, if you decide to do any of the myriad of things for which you can be disfellowshipped, like celebrate your wife's or kids' birthdays, enjoy a holiday, party a little too hard, etc. Unless you can successfully fade, by getting reinstated you are effectively giving these elders, at least in their minds, permission to meddle in your life as much as they want.
Also, if you are only occasionally attending meetings, I would be surprised if they would reinstate you. A more likely scenario is that they will get your letter and meet with you, then tell you they want to see improved meeting attendance for the next six months or so. Are you prepared - and is your wife prepared - for you to be back at five meetings a week through the end of the year?
I'm sure you'll get some more advice on this. I hope it helps you. Glad you've come to see the truth about the Witnesses while you were out.
S4
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LittleToe
My sister took that route. Eventually the DFed her again...
Good luck, whatever you do. We're rooting for you
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nicolaou
That's a tricky one but I suppose you need to ask yourself if you really want to live on the fringe of the Watchtower Whirlpool. What about your wife and any children you have - now or in the future. Is this the life you really want for them?
Only you can answer that.
I wish you all the best
Nic'
jrjr - I've reproduced your post with improved formatting just so that more here may read and hopefully you will get more response. I've changed nothing.
Hi everyone, I've been a member of the site for a month, but have been reading the posts for a lot longer, however this is my first post.
I was raised a j-dub by my mother (my father wasn't religious) with my sister and brother. I was pretty much convinced by my dub friends, bible study conductor, and mother that I should get baptized when I was 15 and decided to go for it.
Not more than 3 months after I got baptized I really lost interest in going to the meetings and spent more time hanging out with my friends from high school. After a few months I started dating a few girls and got a girlfriend. I tried not to do anything sexually with her but after a few weeks I just decided that I wanted to and I didn't care about the consequences.
After dating my girlfriend for a year I got a call from an elder that wanted speak with me and when they asked me point blank if I was sleeping with her, I was honest and told them. I was disfellowshipped in 1998 right after I graduated from High school.
I then went to college and would come back to my home in the summers and be shunned by different family members and it would bother me. However since my father was not a dub, I never received any harsh shunning from my immediate family except for not being able to attend my sisters’ graduation party.
After college I got engaged and married to my wife who was actually the girl I was disfellowshipped for sleeping with 8 years ago. After I was married I got a call from the local elders wanting to speak with me. At this time I was sporadically attending meetings to please my mother.
I met with them at the Kingdom Hall and they told me that since I am married now, what I was disfellowshipped for was cleaned up in my life and that I could write a letter telling them this and reinstatement should occur. This brings us to 4 months ago.
I never really questioned any doctrine because I just believed it was the truth. I had heard from some ex jdubs about Beth Sarim, and 1975 but never investigated it for myself. I am so happy that I decided to look into it for myself. This message board is the most uplifting thing I have found out there. After watching the Jeremiah films documentary on Jehovah’s witnesses, I decided to read Crisis of Conscience, and Ray Franz's insight and knowledge on how the whole organization is run blew me away, not to mention the history behind the watchtower org. Up until a month ago I believed that I was doomed to die in an Armageddon.
Now I feel at peace to know that "the truth" is what you believe it to be. I never realized how much the watchtower organization controls how the scriptures are interpreted. I feel removed of all the guilt that the organization put on me and all of the fear of not living up to the Watchtower Orgs standards.
That being said. My mother, sister, cousins, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandmother are J dubs. The ones that talk to me keep telling me to send in my letter. "Hurry up and get reinstated" they say. Even though I totally do not believe the doctrine or want to be a part of the organization I think I may get reinstated just so I can associate freely with my family. I really need some help sorting these things out and would appreciate any support or even criticism of my situation. Also, if anybody here has written a successful reinstatement letter I would love to see it if you still had it.
Thanks in advance, JR
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Nowman
Hi jrjr4189...
I had a similiar situation happen to me back in 1992. My mom and dad were the only ones in the org in our family and so when I left I had alot of support from other family members and friends who were not JWs. Yet, the shunning thing from my mother and father was so tough, even though I felt they were abusive while I was in the org. I was an only child. If I did have the outside support I did, I still think I would be stuck there but maybe not, I never thought I had the guts to leave. Anyway, I never wrote a letter. I just left (I even went out in service the entire day on the day I left). My dad eventually found where I was. He would keep calling to see if I had committed fornication yet. I would tell him the truth, no, no, no, and then yes. I did not sleep with my boyfriend right away, I was too scared. Well, eventually I wasn't scared anymore. So, the night I told my elder father that I had committed fornication, one week later I was disfellowshipped. That was it. Oh, I did go to one meeting, and that was my finall confirmation that I again did not want to be a JW. You have to do what you have to do, every situation is different. With this cult, people are so concerned about getting out, how to write a letter, have a feeeling of being scared to get out, this just isn't right. Yet, I know it is so tough. Best wishes to you.
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james_woods
Maybe you should take a little time to see if this is what you really want to do.
It might also be interesting to see if they really want you back as a person, or if they are just wanting to make you a part of the numbers...
James, of the hard-line "run away fast" class...
But, of course, good luck to you anyway!
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Dansk
Even though I totally do not believe the doctrine or want to be a part of the organization I think I may get reinsated just so I can associate freely with my family.
First of all one must be true to oneself!
If you get reinstated you'll increase their numbers, which is all they're interested in. Personally, I detest hypocrisy. I understand how painful it is not to be able to associate with family but if you can't be true to yourself you'll never be true to anyone.
Ian
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Stealth453
Do not do it
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Grace
Is your wife a Witness? This would be a heavy thing to hang on her... to suddenly become a faithful Witness AFTER marriage. This is what my husband did, and even now, after 15 years, our marriage is hanging by a thread at any given moment because of the Watchtower slave he is (as well as the intolerable alcoholic he is because he's so screwed up by Watchtower).
My experience tells me that if you are reinstated and your wife is not a Witness, your marriage will fail. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there, done that.
Grace to you.