I guess I would put my energy into something more genuine, like finding new "mother and family"!
carmel
My Story..... Need advice on reinstatement Letter.
by jrjr4189 44 Replies latest jw experiences
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sunshineToo
jrjr,
First, welcome to the board!
Being reinstated doesn't just mean that you can freely associate with your family. It also means that now you have an obligation to the organization. If you don't fulfill or don't agree, what's going to happen? 2nd DF, perhaps. Maybe you can be inactive after the reinstatement. Whatever works.
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skeeter1
#1) If you lead a double life, you will go crazy & lose your self-respect. Hence, "Be true to thyne own self - thou canst not be false to any man."
#2) Being a JW is dedication.
#3) What if your wife gets really into being a JW, and she wants your kids to be JWs?
#4) Even if your wife does not become a JW, if you are reinstated....you will be pressured to raise your kids as JWs.
#5) Are you tied to your mother or your wife?
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jaredg
I think you guys are reading too much into this. JRJR stated that he doesn't want to be an active JW, he just wants to get reinstated. I can't speak for him, but I know that if I got reinstated, that would be the last time I stepped foot into a KH. I might would go to an assembly or two to see my friends but that's about it. In a weird kind of way I'm kind of looking forward to it. Imagine how much fun could be had! For example, come assembly time I'd probably show up just before the lunch break, stay for lunch to hang out with friends and then when the second session started I'd go shopping or something. If the elders started calling me and asking questions I'd tell them that if they or anyone from the cong. tried to contact me again I'd file harassment charges against them....that'll shut 'em up. If they threaten to DF me or DA me then I'd threaten a law suit against the elders individually. I'll tell you, I have learned a lot here over the past few years and I feel untouchable! If they ever did DF me with out a consultation, my dad, an elder with quite a bit of pull, would be angry ass hell. It might would be the only thing to open his eyes. I WANT MY CAKE AND TO EAT IT TOO!!
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beautifulisfree
(Sometimes the silver lining isn't enough to make some wrongs seem right). I unterstand it is SO hard to not receive the love from your family that humans need. I miss my stilla witness sister very much. However, I also realize although brainwashed it is her decision to shun her whole family. I live my life with love towards all and and try to be a good and caring person. I am sure you do the same. It seems to me it would be a shame to try and get re-instated. By doing this you are saying : "I am ashamed of my life and the 'sins' I have made and it is okay for you to shun me because you do not agree with my life choices". If they don't love you for who you are then as hard as it is move on....maybe one day they will see. I wish you a HAPPY life and take care!
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jrjr4189
Everybodys comments helped me so much. There are however a few things I would like to make more clear. 1) My wife is a complete agnostic who has no faith in any religion, as I do at this point. She knows all about the J-Dub religion, as I have not hidden anything from her. She thinks they are the coldest religion on earth and cannot believe the shunning from family, in her words, " I feel like puking when your cousin gives me hug and kiss and won't even look at you." The thing is, she is savvy enough to understand what I'm doing and supports it. She wants me to play the game if I'm willing to put up some of the bullshit. 2) I will not let the elders invade my personal life and I will lie at any point to counter their arguments. When we have children we will let our children decide they have any interest in Watchtower Organization. Trust me, they won't after what we show and tell them. 3) If I did get d'fd again,,,, SO WHAT. Thats where I am right now. Any comments about this I will appreciate. At least I know I can always come here for some venting and support. You guys rule. JR
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MinisterAmos
I realize it might seem tempting to live a lie so you can speak with your Mom again, but ask yourself who has the problem here?
You already realize it's nothing but BS yet you are willing to associate with them and even involve your wife.
They, solely because some guys in NY need to keep up the numbers, are willing to give up all contact with you.
What happens when you are still "weak" and a "bad association" after you have spent a year of 5 meetings per week, conventions, hall cleaning, yard work and studies trying to get re-instated (and it will take a year no matter what the Elders say). Will you be willing to do even more and neglect your family even more to lose that title just so that these folks say it's "OK" that your Mom speaks with you again?
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AuSet
Hi Jr.,
I'm one of those who did the reinstatement and successful fade so I could have my family in my life. I was d'f'/d at 18, and it took me 1 1/2 years of attending meetings fairly regularly to get back in. I started out attending and trying to get back in thinking that it was really the truth, and realized along the way how evil the shunning was, and then my eyes were opened to other things going on in the org.
I have a large family, (nine kids altogether) and a lot of my extended family are also JW. I lied to the elders about my repentant attitude to get back in, and basically never set foot in the KH again after my reinstatement. My family only needed my (in name only) good standing to communicate with me and accept me again. They know at this point that I will never go back, and actually they don't care so much that I'm inactive, only that my technical status remains the same. I can't say what you should do, because every situation is different. In my case, I feel it was worth it. I have younger siblings who are still at home, and I hope to influence them as they get older and leave the home. Someone in my family has to set a good example of how to be a well-adjusted worldly person!!
I moved to a remote location about 2 hours away from my original cong. The witnesses never come out here, I'm not sure if my house is even on a territory. I live my life in a completely free way, celebrating birthdays, holidays, voting, partying, whatever I want. No local JWs even know I exist at this point, and if they did ever question me, I would feel NO guilt at lying through my teeth to help my status remain the same.
As for writing your letter, a lady I know whose husband was a repeat D/F'er ( I think he was d/f'd 4 or 5 times!) gave me advice about writing a reinstatement letter. As with all communications that you have with the elders, you should be very cautious. Her advice was to make the letter as short and sweet as possible, to avoid possible self-incriminating statements. I think her hubby had boiled his reinstatement letters down to a few sentences. Simply expressing repentence, stating the desire to be reinstated, and asking that the elders meet with you is sufficient. I would spend more time coming up with a game plan of what you are going to say when they meet with you. Figure out what they want (repentance and a desire to come back into Jehovah's org., ) and express this as much as you possibly can. In some cases, you may have a special circumstance that will help you greatly, so exploit this to your advantage. In my case, I was eight months pregnant when I was reinstated, so you can bet I used the I-don't-want-my-baby-born-under-Jehovah's-disfavor line. It worked so amazingly well that I probably wouldn't have had to say a word at my meeting, and the would've reinstated me anyway.
Well, good luck to you!
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riverofdeceit
I pulled it off too. I was df'd for three years. No attendance at meetings at all during that time. I wrote a long "heartfelt" letter confessing some of the "naughty" things I'd done and how I'd stopped doing them. It wasn't all true, but I had learned a lot in those three years. While it was true that I was a completely different person than I was before I'd been disfellowshipped, it had nothing to do with religion or the bible. I actually had only gone to five meetings before I got the call that I would be reinstated at the next meeting. I attended that and then never returned there, though I did go to half of a day at a convention. Getting reinstated doesn't solve all of the issues however. Even though your relatives will talk to you, you can't stop remembering how conditional it all is.
I think that if you've been gone for a while as opposed to getting disfellowshipped and immediately trying to get reinstated, the process is a lot quicker. My cousin (a brainwashed believer who never missed a meeting after his df'ing) took over a year of letters and constant attendance.