Enjoyed reading your post. Good luck on your reinstatement, I don't envy you. I count myself very lucky as I was reinstated years ago and then did a successful fade. I am still shunned by any JWs I meet on the street, though. But my sister talks to me and that's all I care about--she is the only family member who is a JW.
My Story..... Need advice on reinstatement Letter.
by jrjr4189 44 Replies latest jw experiences
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jaredg
"After I was married I got a call from the local elders wanting to speak with me. At this time I was sporadically attending meetings to please my mother. I met with them at the kingdom hall and they told me that since I am married now, what I was disfellowshipped for was cleaned up in my life and that I could write a letter telling them this and reinstatment should occur." JR....my father, an elder, also believes that it will be that easy for me. i'm in the same shoes as you but not that far along. i'm engaged to be married to the woman i got disfellowshiped for having sex with before marriage. i have considered getting reinstated after getting married so I too can associate freely with my family (ALL who are JWs), but I told my father that the day I got reinstated would be my last day in a KH and he is fine with that. I just get so frustrated b/c it makes no logical sense. it's as if the only important thing is for some announcement to be made at a KH, not what i'm actually doing with my life. anyway i just wanted you to know that i can relate with you and i am considering the same thing when i get married. my beliefs won't change (just like you i discovered all the BS about the org and no longer believe it's the truth), but i won't mind cutting through some red tape to be with my family. Best of luck, Jared
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jaredg
"Is your wife a Witness? This would be a heavy thing to hang on her... to suddenly become a faithful Witness AFTER marriage. This is what my husband did, and even now, after 15 years, our marriage is hanging by a thread at any given moment because of the Watchtower slave he is (as well as the intolerable alcoholic he is because he's so screwed up by Watchtower). My experience tells me that if you are reinstated and your wife is not a Witness, your marriage will fail. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there, done that. Grace to you." Grace...don't you think a disctinction can be made b/w someone who gets reinstated b/c they believe they have to and that the JWs have the truth verses someone who is doing it just to be able to associate freely w/ family members and doesn't believe it's the truth?
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jrjr4189
I'm really appreciative for all the support and criticism so far. One thing I would like to clarify is that my wife not a witness.
She is very knowledgable about the Watchtower Organization and their policies. She supports the decision to get reinstated and knows that its all just so I can associate freely with family members (like attend my sisters wedding).
I plan to get reinstated and fade into an innactive existence. I know one poster said that he detests hypocrisy and I couldn't agree with you more. Its just that now that the Watchtower Org is a hypocritical organization I feel that if I became reinstated, that there is no hypocrisy. I want to enjoy this life on earth right now, and I would like to have a relationship with my mother and sister even though it may be a bit fake. I know its fake and that the org is fake and to me thats what matters.
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jaredg
"I plan to get reinstated and fade into an innactive existence. I know one poster said that he detests hypocrisy and I couldn't agree with you more. Its just that now that the Watchtower Org is a hypocritical organization I feel that if I became reinstated, that there is no hypocrisy. I want to enjoy this life on earth right now, and I would like to have a relationship with my mother and sister even though it may be a bit fake. I know its fake and that the org is fake and to me thats what matters." AGREED!!
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stealyourface
Welcome, JRJR. Hope you are able to pull off the 'Apostocratic Warfare' successfully and fade away into the sunset.
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Dismembered
Greetings jrjr4189,
IMO your possible reinstatement would be way more trouble than it's worth. Take S4 (a former elder) & Jgnat's (incredibly perceptive) advice. Those dopes ("elders") will attempt to have their hands all over your life if they do you their favor of deeming you moral enough to have your mom/sister etc, talk to you. It's kindergarten revisited.
Dismembered
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willyloman
JR: Given everything you said, go ahead and do it. Because the elders approached you and "invited" you back, I suspect they will not put you through that many hoops. Yes, they will admonish you to attend meetings more regularly and go out in FS, but if you keep smilling and appear willing to toe the line and do not express any doubts or doctrinal concerns whatsoever, they will reinstate you fairly soon. They are probably getting some pressure from your JW family to do so and perhaps someone in your family has influence.
I can think of dozens of examples of people who got reinstated in order to fully communicate with their families and then just disappeared off the KH radar screen.
One example is fairly typical: The daughter of an elder was df'd and moved away from home and married the guy she'd been sleeping with. A couple of years later they moved back into the area and her father urged her to get reinstated. She made an apptmt w the local elders and told them she had "learned a lot' and had previously been young and foolish. Her remorse seemed genuine and she was urged to come to all the meetings. The "rules" for non-engagement with other dubs were outlined to her and she showed up fairly faithfully at all the meetings, coming in during the song, leaving the minute the final prayer was over. This went on for about two months and she was reinstated. After that, she hardly ever set foot in the KH. Weeks would go by and no one would see her. According to her parents, she was pregnant and "having some complications" but that was just an excuse. But it seemed to excuse her absence and no one wanted to hunt her down. After about six months, the couple had moved to another state. That was 20 years ago. To this day, she is "in good standing" and shows up annually at the District Convention to hang with her family for three or four days. She gets to an occasional meeting, just often enough to keep peace in the fam. Her husband is not a dub and all their friends are "wordly" people he works with. They spend most of their weekends with their kids camping out and riding assorted dirt bikes and jet skis.
But she's "legal" association as far as her family is concerned, and that was the whole point.
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Joe Grundy
I hesitate to offer any advice on this because I'm not, and never have been, a JW and have no personal experience of WTBTS. So feel free to disregard my input.
BUT - you have explained that you can no longer accept WTBTS teachings and doctrines and authority (and quite rightly so, IMHO). How will you feel, how will your wife feel, and what will it do to your relationship with her if you have to go through a period of pretending and dishonesty in order to get yourself reinstated? I have no problem with you being dishonest towards WTBTS (don't they say themselves that you only need tell the truth to those entitled to know it?). But if your wife knows you an honest up-front person, becoming one who is prepared to live a lie may have an effect on her. In most marriages there comes a time for whatever reason when you have to absolutely depend on your spouse being honest with you. If she has seen you as someone prepared to be dishonest (however good and reasonable the motive) might that come back to bite you in the future? Only a thought.
And logically, if the JWs feel that you have expunged your sin (yuk!) by marrying your (now) wife, might it be the case that your family may - in time - come to accept you WITHOUT you being reinstated?
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damselfly
If I thought I could step foot in the hall without vomiting I would do it so my mom would talk to me again.
Dams