I just want to say that you seem very mature and intelligent for a person your age.
Please, don't harm yourself. I know things can get overwhelming, it will get better for you. I'm so pleased that you at least have the internet (nicely done on the extra keyboard) because if you stick around this messageboard, you will find alot of support and people who can relate to your situation. So you are homeschooled, and you don't have any siblings from what it sounds like? Unfortunately, by law, your Mother does have alot of "say-so" in your life right now. There is as you probably know something called legal emancipation from your parents for those extreme instances. I don't think that would be the best thing for you to do. I think that like the first response said, you should focus on your education while you perhaps don't have to work just yet. Focus on that and getting into college. Once you do get into college, the little lid will be off the jar you've been kept in, and you will be free to do as you please. I think it will afford you a social support system as well, which I think at this point will be vital for you, and the reason why I would caution you against leaving your house just yet(among others). Your mother sounds like she needs counselling. Some job placement help.
I cannot imagine how much it would suck to have to live a JW lifestyle you don't believe in while you were powerless in your circumstances. Now, I am assumming that since you are living in a financially strapped situation, that you have not been as of yet able to attend driving school, let alone own a car and pay insurance on it. This of course is very limiting, it would be ideal since you are homeschooled to at least find employment in a nice setting that gets you out of the house for a number of hours a day, gives you contact with people outside the kingdom hall, etc. This of course may not work out right now, and that sucks.
In the end, I think it would be the best maybe to just go along with the program. All the while knowing what a load of rubbish it is. Keep up looking up the truth about the watchtower, I think the internet is the key outlet for some sort of "freedom" for you right now. Thats alot of knowledge at your fingertips, which is good. You probably will just have to keep your head down, attend meetings, you are free intellectually to think what you will. Maybe even try and build a better relationship with your mom. It can be difficult, and takes time. It may feel unnattural, and that may confuse you because it seems like one of those things that should be automatic. It isn't always, and your age is always a difficult time.
I wish you all the best.
smellsgood
Not quite sure where else to go, I'll give this place a try.
by AnonyMouse 37 Replies latest jw friends
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smellsgood
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Crumpet
Hi there anonymous - glad you managed to hack the password, get a keyboard and find us here. There is someone else on this board in a similar situation - Richie Rich - he just turned 18 - you may find reading his posts (you can find him on the member list) resonate with you. His mother has taken away his access to the internet etc since he stopped being a JW too and he is now I think having to move out, but hopefully going to continue school - as he is (like you my dear) a brainy young thing.
When I was 16 I said I didnt want to be a JW anymore and so had to pack my bags and move out on my own - which was tough and meant I didnt continue my education. You seem sparky, very self aware, extremely intelligent and so full of empathy - understanding without being judgemental where your mother is coming from in a way she doesnt understand you and Richie's mom doesnt understand him.
Another newbie here justinfrient has said dont end up like us in our 30's on a fifth grade education - I feel sure you won't. Its very hard being at home though because where do you go for careers advice - plus if it is your mother homeschooling you I am amazed you've done so well. I was also homeschooled so I know what its like and it can be dreadfully inhibiting socially - I still dont really know how to mix with people without alcohol !!
Anyway I'm not sure what is available in your area but we;ve already established that Uncle and mom are alligned against you so can you go to your local college where they will have some sort of student body careers advisor - explain yoru situation in the eloquent terms that you have here, tyell them you want to be pyschologist and ask them how you can get to that given your situation.
Best of luck and don;t forget your local library will have free internet so you can always say you need to go do some research!!! Thats what I usde to do - although alas no internet in my day!
crumpet x
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stillajwexelder
Welcome to the board AnonyMouse
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fullofdoubtnow
Hi AnonyMouse, and welcome to the board.
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AK - Jeff
Welcome.
Many, many good suggestions here. And a good outlet too, for you at this time.
Several points pop up in my mind;
- You possess great potential
- Your mom needs you and is stressed out
- You are a minor for 2 more years
- You love your mom
- Your mom loves you
- You wish to think
- She wishes to be controlled and directed without thinking
- You need to deal with the suicidal tendencies immediately
All in all - I agree with Ozzie on this one. Bide your time. Go to the meetings until you are able to stand alone as an adult. When that time comes, do it with the greatest of gentleness [ In this case you will now be the mature and thinking adult ] Love your mom, and support her. Though you might not trust the Bible any longer - still good advise is good advise;
"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is wicked, cling to what is good. In brotherly love have tender affection for one another. In showing honor to one another take the lead" Romans 12:9,10
This may be the best way for you to exit with the least pain, and maybe help your mom to see the reasonableness of your conduct. You might save not just yourself but your mom too in the end.
Good Luck to ya' and welcome aboard
Jeff
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TheListener
Welcome AnonyMouse. I want to repeat what some other posters already mentioned. When those of us chose to leave our families treated us very similarly to how you're being treated. Some of us have lost children, parents and even spouses to this religion. You are not alone. Please come here and vent your feelings, frustrations and learn as much as possible about your faith and how you feel about things.
Good luck. We're here for you.
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jgnat
What can you do? Plan for your day of independence.
It is true, as long as you live in your parent's home, you live by their rules. Aside from the knife thing, your protests for independence is very normal for your age. In a regular home, that struggle would continue for the next couple years until you are on your own, and then your new struggle is to make your way in the world, not with your parents. In a way, these fights for independence are nature's way to get you ready for what's ahead.
But what you describe is not normal. When you express independence, your family freaks and take away more priveledges. You don't need any more freakiness in your life.
The way out of this chinese puzzle is to be "sitting down on the outside but standing up on the inside." That is, live your independent, private life within you. This you are doing already. Here are some more ideas.
- Can you negotiate some time at the public library for study? This will get you out of the house, another social outlet, free access to forbidden materials, and another way on to the internet!
- Mark "freedom day" (the day after your birthday) on the calendar and count the months/days/hours.
- Keep several blank notebooks and pen with exchangeable covers. Take them to meetings. Write down your personal thoughts in your own notebook. In the other notebook, jot down "goody" answers and scriptures from the magazine. I find I can tune out the speaker completely with an idea and a blank notebook. The "goody" notebook can be left around for your mom to find. The other, hide well. Or, you can write your own thoughts on the back page and tear it away if your mom threatens to confiscate it (a trick I learned at school).
- Learn the language of manipulation, and underline all the logical fallacies and manipulative language in the magazine article that week. Blondie's weekly "Comments you will not hear" can point the way. This will teach you critical thinking skills, provide a defence against the grinding information, AND get the magazine "studied".
- Get a part-time job. Don't disclose the full paycheque. Start squirreling away money in a private bank account for "freedom day".
- I also like the idea from a fellow poster to talk to a counsellor at a local community college. Again, you need as many outside sources of support as you can.
If these won't work, tell me. I like to make sure my advice works!
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freedomlover
Wow! what a story.
thanks for sharing it. you have for sure come to the right place.
I can relate to feeling trapped. I grew up my whole life feeling that way with my JW parents.
You are getting some great advice here. I would definitly read RichieRich's threads. He went through the same situation as you. He could probably help you learn to avoid some mistakes also.
Get a job. Finish school. Start saving money. Build friendships on the outside of the org. Get a counselor you can confide in (make sure they have confidentiality! my sisters counselor told my JW parents everything that she confided in the counselor. it was not good for her after that!) I would make a mark down till freedom day. It really does help you stay sane. learn all you can about the religion on here. it's origins, it's teachings, its fallacies. You will grow leaps and bounds in the next two years. It will go by faster if you can implement your plan.
keep trying to show love to your mother. I know it's hard to do with someone that treats you unfairly. your mom is brainwashed and she really does think she is doing the right things for you. try to be the better person, you never know how it will help you in the end.
keep posting lots!
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LittleToe
Hi AnonyMouse - welcome to the board - you've found a home - it must be your birthday
I thought about it, and it seemed to me that spirit is a clever word to replace thought.
Well spotted!
As others have said, you need to put the knife away and use this next two years wisely to prepare for the likelihood of having to leave home. It will passed quicker than you think! Read some of RichieRich's stuff, for some inspiration (I've inserted a link to his threads just there).
Many of us here understand some of the issues you're going through, though each case is unique in its own right.
Good luck
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Sunspot
Hi AnonyMouse....and welcome!
I can speak from the perspective of one who had four (out of five) teens who decided they didn't want to be JWs, and how desperate I felt to do all that I could to bring their thinking back in line with what they had been taught. It took me three decades to see the lies and hypocrisy of the Watchtower, so there IS a chance that this may eventually happen to your Mom!
I am glad you found this board because you will not only find loving and understanding companionship here (which you definitely NEED) but you will find loads and loads of suggestions on things to ask your Mom and your Uncle during your so-called "bible study" that should make them think! The more you learn here, the more ammunition you will have to put before them! (Having a "study" gives you the perfect opportunity to ask a LOT of questions!)
Don't get discouraged and try not to think in terms of "how can I LAST two years living like this".....because two years out of your upcoming lifetime of freedom---isn't actually very long! Think of how the last two years have passed! It's all in the perspective! I do wish you all the best and hope to hear more from you as you plant your feet firmly on the side of exposing this worthless and demanding excuse for a religion.
hugs,
Annie