Hi anonymous. I don't have anything to add to what's already been stated, but wanted to welcome you!
Not quite sure where else to go, I'll give this place a try.
by AnonyMouse 37 Replies latest jw friends
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Quandry
Welcome to the forum. The others have given good advice. I will just say that I was a troubled teen, although not a JW. I gave my parents fits. I was rebellious, so it is not confined to the JW religion, but is part of wanting independence as a teen.
I do appreciate that you have been honest with your Uncle and Mom. You do not want to be a JW. Please do NOT get baptized to please anyone. You will create many problems for yourself down the road. Telling your Uncle and the elders that you do not agree with the WT teachings is the right thing to do. So is sitting at the Hall in a respectful way until you are 18 because your Mom says you should. You can take the time that you are there to read the Bible. The Bible is a respected piece of literature. You can formulate your own beliefs from it if you do not agree with the Witnesses, but this way you will be armed with information to formulate a belief.
Please think of your future. Get the best education you can. Learn to love learning. Yes-make the Library your hangout. You can learn so much about the world around you.
Perhaps you could get a job-maybe in a fast food restaurant-that might take some pressure off Mom and make your relationship better. She is probably under such tremendous depressing pressure that you could not understand until you have a child of your own and are faced with the responsibility of providing for it.
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Lady Liberty
Dear Anoymouse,
WELCOME DEAR!!!!! We are so very glad you found us here! You are not alone!!! You have all of us! And believe me we need you!!! I am so very sorry your going through all of this. Your mom and uncle don't understand because they are in a cult. They have been brainwashed and they are scarred to death of losing you to "the world". There is hope though! I was raised a witness and it was my parents who left the organization. It was so... difficult for me as a adult after all those "faithful" years, to see my parents get lost "to the world". I thought they must have gotten wrapped up with "apostate" material too. I rejected anything they attempted to tell me. And I told them NEVER to ever bring the subject up. I pulled away to an extent, although I never stopped loving them. However, about a year and a half later, I began to question things myself. A long story short, I am now out, so is my husband and daughter. But it has been a long process. But very well worth it. No longer do we have the "cult" standing between us all. At the time it was painful, I was terrribly depressed, ended up with high blood pressure, and was very emotional. But I am so glad I hung in there! Now I am truely happy.
The reason I told you this story, is to show you that first of all, our situations were different, but in a way they were very much alike. Except, it was me that needed to open her eyes. Believe me, if I can eventually see through it all, then so can your mom. Something you have already said may eat at her. Now I am on the opposite end of the spectrum, like you, I have tried to talk sence to my family that is still in. Just the other day I had a terrible conversation with my aunt who called me a voice of a "stranger", and who openly called me a "apostate" repeatedly for 4 hours. I tried everything to reason with her but she was a emotional basketcase! She hollared at me, told me I was a terrible neice/grandaughter etc.. everything she could to hurt me.. and she did. But I keep thinking maybe, just maybe, something I said will eventually sink in. So...please hang in there, and don't do anything desperate. Yes, we just met you, but we do love you! We do understand, at least we can relate to some of what you are going through. We are all in this together! Lean on the ones here. You will make many new friends, some old, some young, who all have words of wisdom that will get you through this tough time! Please keep in touch!!
Sincerely,
Your friend,
Lady Liberty
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rebel8
A.M.
Oh man, I had a similar experience (see my profile). Many others have too. Check posts of RichieRich and tsunami rider.
Committing suicide is a very permanent solution to a fairly temporary problem. You will be free soon, when you're 18 or maybe sooner. It probably feels like a long ways off right now, but in the scheme of life, <2 years isn't very long at all. Another way to look at it is--WHY give them the satisfaction of having your life snuffed out without ever having the opportunity to be happy? Believe me, I was scared to death when I left. I doubted the teachings but was still afraid Armageddon would come at any moment. I thought everyone outside the Borg were drug-crazed thieving prostitutes. To my amazement, you can actually be happy and be a good person--all while not belonging to a cult.
If you're in the US, there is an option called emancipating yourself. This is a legal procedure changing your status to being a free minor--but I think you need to be able to live on your own and have a source of income. OR you could just stick with life in the Borg until you're 18. In the meantime, is there any way you can get yourself some job skills to be prepared? Can you enroll in nursing or vocational school or something? Tell your parents it's good for youth to have these skills in case they decide to pioneer. (That's true.)
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Nathan Natas
Hi AnonyMouse,
There's a lot of great advice in the comments you've read so far. I'd like to add some of my own thoughts here.
*First, do no harm. I was your age once several decades ago, growing up in a fatherless home with a fanatic JW Mom who somehow found everything that was of value to me to be "not for a JW." So I can identify with the despair you feel. But this is a very temporary situation - even though it doesn't seem that way now. Endure. Be tougher than you think you can be. You will be "serving time" until your liberation day, which will be either when you turn 18 or when your Mom has an epiphany.
*The idea of LITERALLY marking off the days is a good one - it helps you focus on what you are doing today - TODAY - to survive. And what will you be doing? You will be caring for both the physical and mental aspects of your well being. Stress and depression make one lethargic and unhealthily overweight. If you have any athletic outlets you enjoy (and I realize that as a Dub kid you may not) then use them. If you don't have athletic interests, you can develop an excellent fitness program for yourself using walking, hill sprints, pushups, pullups and squats. Make one of your goals to become an excellent physical specimen.
*Get the sleep you need. The exercise will help you get the sleep.
*Apply yourself to your studies. Set another goal for yourself of getting into college and finishing with at least a bachelor's degree in your chosen field. Seek a scholarship the way a hungry wolf seeks food.
*If the scholarship angle doesn't work out for you, there is still hope - join the US military. Yes, some soldiers die. Most do not. Many never even see combat. Your Mom will protest. Tell her, "Well, if you and the elders want me dead, this is the way to get your wish come true." Of course YOUR goal in joining the military will not be to die - it will be to get a roof over your head and a job that requires physical fitness and provides you an opportunity for higher education. Will it be difficult? Yes, at times it will, but softer men than you have completed it. You can too.
*Avoid bad associations. They may seem like "fun" but they can leave you wishing you've never met them.
It wasn't clear from your message if you were a guy or a gal. That doesn't mattter. My advice will work the same for either.
Last bit of advice - be good to yourself. Imagine that you had a sibling or a close friend who was in your situation. You would be kind and supportive with them, no? Be kind and supportive with YOURSELF.
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schne_belly
(((((((((HUGS))))))))
You've gotten some great suggestions already and I can't really add much more but a BIG WARM WELCOME!
Just to reiterate, hold tight until you are 18. It seems like a long time, but I promise the 2 years will go by fast.
Bottom line though, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT give up on life. There is so much to enjoy when you DO break Free from this religion. Don't let them win....you are stronger than that!
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AnonyMouse
Wow.
Major help.
I see all of you are concerned about this whole knife thing. But I've come up with a probable diagnosis:
For some reason, I was torturing my self. I suspect some sort of self imposed guilt. Although I don't really know how that got into my system.
I understand my situation would seem hopeless, but your suggestions are very good. I don't think I'd have access to a library (the closest one is quite far away). And I have had no driving lessons or have funds to purchase a car.
I did have inheritence that I planned to use to get my life started, about $14,000 worth. But mom 'asked' me to borrow half of it for bills when I was 10 (like I could say no at that age) and the other half seems to have disapeared. So that plan is gone, as she seems unable to pay off her 'debt' to me any time soon. Of course, having a house to live in and food is probably better than having nothing and $14,000 once I get off the street.
But I'm starting to cheer up again. Still a sense of hoplessness, but not so intense.
So no need to worry about my health. I do have a few freinds online. That, and I hope to find a wife (me being male, for those of you wondering ;) ) someday and have children.
So, I'll stick with it for now. Hopefully having skills in psychology (seriously, I've never read a single book on the subject. I have no idea how I do it...), and my usual cheery mood (I used to laugh at the hoplessness of the situation, and I'll be back in that state of mind by tommorow), I should be able to diagnose and cure my psychological problems.
All in all, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I don't get some sort of sick pleasure out of other's being in my situation, but it gives me hope that this has been conquered before, many times. College is right around the corner (I have little doubt I'll make it into a college somehow. And I think that's based more off fact than ego). Thanks muchly ;) ! -
jgnat
Nice to see you visiting again. I'm still a huge fan of libraries, and if the closest one is too far away, I am sure there is a way to hook in to some distance borrowing. Then you can read your first psychology book.
What state are you in?
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MsMcDucket
You are so smart. So, I know that you can make it through this. Don't let them get the better of you. Consider getting a job. Also, think about becoming an emancipated minor. If this is really making you consider suicide, you need to get outside help. I recommend going to some sort of teen's help center. Hang in there!
Coming here was a definite plus. We have people here all ages and races that are going through what you are going through. The witnesses are into mind control and breaking up families, but the most important thing now is your state of mind. You have to get some outside help. I can't say that enough!
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LovesDubs
Wow....some great advice for you on here kiddo. Ive been on this site since its get go and it still impresses me how deep into their pockets people go to give to total strangers their love, their experience, their support. I hope you stay with us and welcome.
You are an intelligent guy there is no doubt about that. Your ability to see and analyze others, at least in my opinion, puts you into the "old soul" catagory and if helping others feels natural to you then by all means go for it. I wonder if there is such a thing as educational emanicipation if you prefer to go to a regular school? I know there is medical emancipation....I mean lordy at 16 you should be able to decide for yourself what training you should be getting. The JWs are big on pushing their kids into getting BAPTIZED a helluva lot earlier than 16 which is a LIFE ALTERING decision. Certainly you should be entitled to learn on your own terms. Mom is so afraid of everything that goes bump in the night that she is stifling you as a human being. She is desperate to protect you hence the threats and the taking away of all things meaningful to you to FORCE you to acquiesce. My mother in law used to pray that her nonJW kids DIE so that they would get a ressurection! So sure she was that Armageddon was IMMINENT as the Society constantly for the last 120 years has portended it was. The fear is real to them.
Was your dad a JW? Mom might also be terrified that if she and you...dont continue to be loyal JWs that she will never be together with him again. There is only one way to Paradise and/or ressurection and thats being a BAPTIZED JW. As long as she is so earth shakingly fearful of something taking away that chance, she will continue to push on you to go with her. Obviously her brother isnt helping your situation but being as you dont have a "male model" keeping you on the straight and narrow, he is stepping in to be your spiritual guide. And apparently he feels that the crack the whip routine is the only thing that works having failed the intellectual approach with you. They both fear your intelligence...they both fear your desire to be independent...and they will both lose you in two years and they know it.
Hang in there...keep the sharp objects away from yourself. There is no need to cut yourself to FEEL. I think you are probably an A-personality stuck in an inhibiting environment...but like anything springy if you are held down tight enough for long enough when you are released you will go FAR and STRONG. You are way way past rolling over and doing whatever the adults in your life tell you you should do. The harder they push, the kinder you become. You know how people talk to the handicapped? Or the ones with Alzheimers or mental retardation? Try to envision that this is the case with your mom and uncle. They have no more control over the way they are thinking right now than somebody with Downs syndrome and Im dead serious about that. So....be kind, be cooperative, remove their constant scrutiny from you...chillax for a couple years and then hit the door.
You are resourceful...use that resourcefulness now like you were living inside the warzone in Iraq baby. Make all your new moms and dads and sistahs and brothahs out here in cyberspace proud. :)
Hugs, Loves