Welcome to the board. I hope this site will be a comfort to you, it has certainly helped me. You've already received some fantastic advice, & you sound like you've as good an attitude as anyone could muster in your depressing situation. I sincerely empathize with you... I absolutely hate that anyone has to go through things like this. :-( But I do agree with the idea of biding your time & trying to keep peace around the house until you can move out. It's hellish to have to live a lie, to be so untrue to yourself, just to keep peace, but the alternative would probably be harder to deal with, at least from my perspective. The lesser of two evils, if you will. I can relate to your situation somewhat, as I'm still in the organization, mostly for my family. I'm biding my time until I figure out what I truly believe, & then I'll go from there. One day at a time.
You've got a bright future. You're a smart guy, & I know things will work out well for you if you play your cards right. As you said, similar situations have been conquered before on many occasions. Here, you have the support of a lot of caring, intelligent people. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
With love,
anakolouthos
Not quite sure where else to go, I'll give this place a try.
by AnonyMouse 37 Replies latest jw friends
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anakolouthos
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AnonyMouse
What do you mean by "Old Soul" catagory?
I'm trying to keep it together. I understand Mom, but when she walks past me with that keyboard (she needs it to get on the internet to find a job, then imediatly stows it away where I cant get it), it infuriates me. I think I'm addicted to the computer, but for good reason. I know I use it as an escape, and while escapism isn't very good, it's all I have had to keep sane for several years.
She thinks punishing me will help me on down the road, but it's only pushing me farther away. And I'm getting to the point where I dont want to talk much to her, because all the time it seems the universe keeps saying "Don't talk!". Telling her what I think and feel only seems to get me in trouble and make things harder.
In my lack of studies (I don't know if I learn psychology from TV or what...) on psychology, I'm begining to learn how words work. A subtle change in the way a word is presented can make a person trust you, or make them hate you. Also, I've been getting better at lieing. While I realize this is nothing to be proud of, it's a necessary evil. I looked her in the eye and told her I wasn't getting on the internet, even tho I am.
Also, I discovered quite some time ago why mom sticks with it. She indeed belives that without the truth, she will never see her husband again. From what she tells me of him, she loved him very much. But me being 3 when he died, it feels more like a distant relative died, rather than my father. I'm just not used to him. She also does think that I won't ever meet him if I leave. I don't really want to meet him...
Honestly, I don't see what the appeal in "Everlasting Life" is. Sure, its human nature to want to live for a long time, but a word of perfection...boring... Not to mention impossible. I just can't ever see everyone becoming perfect. We each have our own differences and faults that make us unique. To take that away would be to destroy what we were. If god resurected a person that was born with a mental deffect, what would they be like? They were born without a complete personality, it's impossible to know who they ever were, and therefore impossible to fill in the blanks without changing them completely.
Forever serving someone I see as kind of annoying and somewhat naive doesn't sound fun (no insults intended). -
RichieRich
hi there AnonyMouse.
First and foremost, put the knife away. If your life is worth nothing to you, how can you expect anyone else to value it? Find your innner strength, your inner power. Work out, draw, go outside and scream. Loose yourself in this board, or a video game. That being said,
Very clever user name. My name is Richie, and I'm young like you. If you want to talk, I'm here. Have AIM? I'm theycallmeb1gred.
Look, you've already seen through the crap. YOu know its BS, so we can skip all the anti JW stuff. When you know that, you're already most of the way free. Now, you have to find a way to survive. Would your mom be able to handle you not going to the meetings? Can you get back in school?
From me to you- don't break any bonds with your mom. Don't hate her. She's your mother, and she might be all you have.
Feel free to PM me, or whatever you need to do.
RR
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AnonyMouse
There's no way for me to get out of anything. I can't even get out of service like some of you suggested. And of course, mom is upgrading her zeal once again, and has gone out twice during the week. Normally she only goes out on saturday, if at all (there was once a time where we barely went out in service). So I'll be sucked into that. And she will never let me get out of meetings, or let me go to school.
And as for not hating her...that will take some time. I'm majorly hurt by the way she is treating me, I feel sub-human. I know time heals all wounds, but that time will probably only start after I turn 18.
I can see that this board doesn't bump, so I'll stop checking this after a day or two. But expect me around here in small quantities. -
Wordly Andre
Anonymouse,
Check in once and a while with us, you do have us on your side, sorry that things are so down for you right now, do you have any nonJW friends? are you able to talk to anyone outside the society other than here? Do you have any nonJW family, maybe you can go stay with? Well you are 16 right, you have 2 more years and you will be free, what are your plans for after your birthday?
Take care
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MsMcDucket
Anon, your mother is in a bad relationship. It can be likened to a man that doesn't love her back, but takes everything she has and abuses her child. She is blinded by love for the organization; even if means forcing you to live in a box, she will do it for that religion Most religions require that you raise your children the way that one was raised. This doesn't make it right. You must find your way!
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TweetieBird
Hi Anonymouse...when my oldest son was 15 he rebelled against the witnesses, I was still a believer then. Fast forward a few years and I finally saw the light.
Perhaps you could apply "theocratic warfare" in reverse. Right now she is scared. Scared that you are going to die at Armageddon, scared that you will never see your dad again, scared that she will never see him. That's all she's got to hang onto. She has not developed a normal life outside of the organization. But you can help her. It might take time but you can do it.
There's a poster on this board that posted how he got his family out of the organization. Maybe someone else can post the link. Anyway, he slowly re-educated his family about the organization by way of a family study by having them do research on certain things. In time they saw the organization for what it really was and now they are free.
Possibly you could tell your mom that you don't like the tension between you two and that you are willing to have a study with her. Slowly ask her questions that will really make her think about what she believes. Maybe tell her that you only want to study the bible and not the publications if she is willing to meet you half-way. When she is not fearing for your spiritual life maybe she will loosen the reigns a bit and allow you more freedom.
You seem extremely intuitive for your age, the comment about independent thinking is more like independent thought was brilliant.
I will be thinking about you. I wish you all the best. -
my_boys
Dear AnonyMouse....I feel for your situation so much. I was your age when I told my mother who was newly divorced and struggling to make ends meet that I wanted out of the religion. My reason was a boy at school and had seen a friend judicially reproved for talking to a wordly boy on the phone. Thank goodness for me I wasn't baptized, but my mom had an elder that was close to our family come over to try and speak with me. He told me that I could still date the boy and go to the meetings, that it wasn't out of the question, just kinda frowned upon. That was just one of many points of hypocricy I ran across. Anyway, when I first told my mom that I wanted out she seemed to be okay with it. After the elder wasn't able to change my mind she informed me that I would still be going to meetings. This was after she had always told my brothers and I that she would never force it on us like her parents did to her, but would allow us to make our own decisions. When I threw that point back at her, her response was basically the same as your mom's and uncle's, "My house, my rules." I couldn't fight her out of it, but when I was at the meetings I refused to raise my hand, sing, or talk to others. After the meetings were over I would head to the car and wait. I stopped setting my alarm clock on Sunday mornings and she had the extra burden of making sure I was up and ready. One morning I woke up to her and my brothers walking out the door for the Sunday meeting. When I asked her why she didn't wake me up (all very innocent like, of course) she said that she had enough to deal with without fighting to get me up and that I didn't want to go anyway. Well, DUH!!! What was it you said about a 90 point IQ? Now the difference between you and I is that I had a job outside the house, which got me the association and money I craved and I wasn't homeschooled. You do need to tow the line until you are able to go out on your own. It is very likely that if you push her too much on this issue she could kick you out and since you don't have any friends from school or other family to fall back on, you would really be stuck. She may surprise you at some point, though, and start dating once she finds a job. That is exactly what my mom did. Even though it was very hypocritical of her, she layed off of me a little bit when she started doing exactly what she had told me not to do. Anyway, I think you have a lot of good advice from all of these posts. It really sucks to be where you are, but there is a definite end to the madness when you turn 18 and it's right around the corner. Until then
Hang in there and try to be nice to her at home. In my experience having a fit about it never helped, but made it worse. Make your feelings known when she asks you about them so she is aware that you are going along with things, but that you are still your own person. She may feel guilty at some point that she's stifling you.
Get a job if you can. Stock away as much money as you can for when you are 18 or if she and your uncle decide to kick you out earlier. My mom did that to my brother when it was his turn to tell her he wanted out. He says that he thinks she was just trying to call his bluff, but he called hers and out he went. He had a harder road because he ended up getting baptized, while I never was
If you aren't baptized yet, DO NOT DO IT! That is one thing they most definitely can't force on you. How can you be baptized if you do not believe? And nobody wants to create a scene carrying a 16 year old girl kicking and screaming down to the pool.
Great on having the extra keyboard. Read as much as you can, if only to have a mental escape, but also to hopefully feel that you are not alone and suicide is definitely not the answer. Besides, that will give your mom and uncle another thing to add to their martyrdom list. Like I said, I was your age when I had that fateful conversation with my mom....to give you some extra perspective I'll be 27 in September and have a wonderful family of my own. I do not talk to my mom and most members of that side of my family. They don't talk to my brother. One day this will be you, too. Maybe not the husband and kids, if that is not what you want, but whatever life you create for yourself. Do not cheat yourself from that future.
One last thing, your mom does have a lot on her plate and hopefully she can see that you are truly a blessing in that you aren't pregnant, doing drugs, or being out and out disrespectful. Again, hang on and good luck!
