My dad died.... (page 3)

I am so sorry for your loss and your circumstances. When my brother in law died suddenly and his sister couldn't make it to his funeral due to distance and financial difficulties she went to a church at the same time his funeral was going on and she just spent the hour there alone knowing she was connected in spirit. Be good to yourself at this sad time. One day at a time....Love Arwen

blondie

Sorry to hear about this final chapter in your father's life. While he was alive, there was still hope...

My father is alive so far but is the unrepentant sexual abuser of all his children. We don't agree on much, but just that one thing, not going to his funeral.

Please don't go back to drink or drugs because of this. It will hurt you.

Just be determined to do what you can today to love yourself.

Love, Blondie

freedomlover

Hey Shelley -

wondering how you are this morning??

-freedomlover

thecarpenter

Sorry for your loss, hang in there, things will get better... it always does.

Sweetheart, you also have to learn to forgive yourself, we all do things we regret. Burdening ourselves with too much guilt is destructive and doesn't make you a better person. Learning from ourmistakes and moving on to become a better person does.

LovesDubs

Im so sorry for this burden you have. I think its best that you DONT go to this funeral as the people there would make you feel worse than you do now. Which you certainly dont need. Your dad forgave you even if he never said so and hes gone now. You can talk to him any time you want to from wherever you want to. Some day when you have some spare funds and you have a better grip on your life...and you MUST DO THIS baby as you have a daughter to think about and PEOPLE WHO MATTER who love you....you can go to where he is buried with your daughter and lay some flowers and talk to him in private there with nobody hassling you. Usually people go to funerals for those who are the survivors...since that isnt the case with you, and you want to say goodbye to dad, you can go anytime you want to.

We ALL have screwed up and made bad decisions in our lives and so have those who insist on pointing out OUR problems and ignoring or denying their own! Take care of yourself because abusing yourself or using this for an excuse to continue to drink wont elicit any pity or love from those jerks who continue to persecute you. The best revenge is to live a GOOD LIFE!

Hugs, Loves

FlyingHighNow

Shelly, since I left the jws, I eventually returned to the Episcopal Church of my youth, the one that gave me a very healthy view of God. Turns out they are even wiser now than they were in the 1960s. The priest of my church, Mother Val, told me that all things will be resolved in heaven. I'd like to believe this.

Why did she say this to me? We were discussing the fact that my jw sister is so angry with me, for leaving, that she will not be telling me if she gets cancer or someone in her family is dead. Val told me that I can pray for sis and hope for the best, but unless sis wants to get rid of her anger, I need to accept that sis may always be angry. Val then smiled warmly at me and said, "Take heart though, all things will be resolved in heaven." Matters that aren't healed here on earth, will be healed then. So, maybe there is hope for you and your dad afterall.

I've also been reading about loved ones visiting after death. If you are open to it, eventually, your father will heal, come to his senses and let you know that he loves and forgives you AND your sister.

purplesofa

Hi......how are you this morning.........I am sorry I did not read this sooner.

you have a pm.

purps

FlyingHighNow

Shelly, when you are strong enough, have your own funeral/memorial service. Not all funeral/memorial services are done at the time of death with the deceased person present. Doing this could help you a lot and show your father your respect for his memory. The song is one I want played when I die because it can sound like the one who has passed on is singing to those left here on earth. Your father's bad company were those who steered him not to reconcile with you.

Here's a song for your father and you:

Sitting

by Cat Stevens

Oh I'm on my way, I know I am, somewhere not so far from here

All I know is all I feel right now, I feel the power growing in my head

Sitting on my own not by myself, everybody's here with me

I don't need to touch your face to know, and I don't need to use my eyes to see

I keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I always wake up the same (or so)?

And keep on wondering if I sleep too long, will I even wake up again or something

Oh I'm on my way I know I am, but times there were when I thought not

Bleeding half my soul in bad company, I thank the moon I had the strength to stop

I'm not making love to anyone's wishes, only for that light I see

'Cause when I'm dead and lowered low in my grave, that's gonna

be the only thing that's left of me

And if I make it to the waterside, will I even find me a boat (or so)?

And if I make it to the waterside, I'll be sure to write you note or something

Oh I'm on my way, I know I am, somewhere not so far from here

All I know is all I feel right now, I feel the power growing in my hair

Oh life is like a maze of doors and they all open from the side you're on

Just keep on pushing hard boy, try as you may

You're going to wind up where you started from

You're going to wind up where you started from

Fleur

I'm so sorry about your loss.

This part really worries me:

I'd rather slit my wrists than carry this guilt.

You don't have to do either, dear heart. Guilt is, in my opinion, only useful if it stops you from doing something that you shouldn't in the moment. Or, if it helps to make amends with someone you have mistreated in some way. You tried to do that and your dad was not receptive, for whatever reason which I would bet had more to do with him than you...you should not carry guilt over what can not be altered.

One of my all time favorite sayings is something that Maya Angelou said. It is this: "You did what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better."

You did better, and you did the best that you could.

I like to think that whatever happens to us when we die, if we're concious of anything or become part of anything larger than our mere corporeal existence, that we know, and understand, all the things we could not during our lifetime in this confined space. I hope that my grandmother understands now things she could not while she was alive (funny, I just typed "when I was alive," and had to go back and correct... wonder what that means?) and perhaps your father does too.

As for interfering, manipulative sisters...you have also my complete understanding on that one. I have a set myself, and they make everything in life harder to deal with.

hugs...

essie

My dad died....

lonelysheep

arwen

blondie

freedomlover

thecarpenter

LovesDubs

FlyingHighNow

purplesofa

FlyingHighNow

Fleur

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