Jeff Foxworthy....You might be a JW if.... (page 4)

onesong

If you think that Freedom of Religion means that you can go and tell everyone else that they shouldn't be practicing their religion...who else could you be?

AK - Jeff

If you are familiar with every 'free' bathroom in town.... you might be a Jw.

If you regularly hand the person who is driving the car a dollar for gas... you might be a Jw.

If you go to 'get togethers' instead of parties.... you might be a Jw.

If your library is full of multicolored books that pre-date your grandma, and that you don't ever open due to being 'old light'... you might be a Jw.

If you work to develop a 'proper attitude' after being told by the elders that you should quit thinking ahead and worrying about the future, and just 'wait on Jehover' .... you must be a Jw.

If you still keep the old Watchtower titled '1975' as a keepsake, and still don't get it.... you might be a Jw.

Jeff

Mary

You might be a JW if....

You turn down a full scolarship to a university in order to scrub toilets as a career;
You get all the religious answers right while watching Jeapordy;
You automatically think of Jesus' invisible return whenever you come across the date 1914;
You'll only consider buying a 4 door car or a van;
Your vacation does not resemble a holiday;
You feel guilty as hell looking at birthday cards in the store;
You actually know who Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are.
You pretend you don't know the words to Silent Night or any other Christmas carols
You try not to go into labour on Nissan 14
You don't understand what the problem is in The Stepford Wives or 1984
You won't admit to watching Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie

mouthy

If you regularly hand the person who is driving the car a dollar for gas... you might be a Jw.

OR put money in the ashtray every time you go out in service

Listen to the elders advice that it "costs" to take you out in service so maybe NEXT trip you will put in $5.00

mouthy

You might be a JW- if your husband beats you (He is not one) & you are advised to take it like a strong christian---because that is what the diciples did....

Country Girl

You only have solid color t-shirts.

You tan lines include a book bag strap.

You refuse to watch a movie if it contains the sentence "Charmed. I'm sure!"

You have chaffed knuckles from knocking.

You can guide someone to every coffee shop in your town faster than MapQuest.

You have 1/2" heeled pumps you bought two weeks ago, that are now flats.

You know every address on your block and who lives there.

You think Count Chocula is a real dude that will send the demons after you.

CG

AuldSoul

If you conduct a Bible study with someone from a book that isn't the Bible hoping to one day invite them to a Book Study, you are probably a JW.

If planning a relocation to another city includes making sure you hand off your list of people who really only talk to you about the Bible 'cause their polite, you're likely a JW.

If you were excited to get your first Palm Pilot 'cause it would make keeping your house-to-house record "so much easier", you're a JW.

If your cell phone has many numbers of persons of the opposite sex, but you can only call them to invite them out for group activities in a public place, you are probably a JW.

If your idea of fun is playing a Bible trivia game and your idea of being smart is winning the Bible trivia game, you are probably a JW.

Country Girl

Your tan lines include a book bag strap.

Your two inch heels you bought two weeks ago are now flats.

Count Chocula is a dude that can give you demons.

You refuse to watch a movie that has the line "Charmed. I'm sure!"

You can't watch Animal Planet channel cuz it has too much petting on it.

You know every address, and who lives there, in town.

You know the address of every coffee shop in town, and can find it faster than MapQuest.

You can't date because you're afraid your date will go where the "need is greater."

You make jokes calling the USA the "The United Apostates of America."

You stand on street corners and the males that come up to you ask you for a date and you get mixed up.

CG

parakeet

You might be a JW if you pray joyfully every day for god to destroy your nonbelieving family and neighbors and the rest of the world's 6 billion nonbelievers.

Little Bo Peep

If you find yourself humming xmas songs and feel guilty...you might be a JW.

If you have a turkey dinner with all the fixins at Thanksgiving, but say you don't celebrate Thanksgiving...you are a JW.

If you buy your children toys, etc the day after xmas so they won't feel left out when they return to school...you are a JW.

If you think "deep study of the Bible" consists of underlining the latest WT and reading the cited scriptures...you must be a JW.

If someone asks you a question and you say, "what does the WT say", instead of "what does the Bible say", you must be a JW.

Jeff Foxworthy....You might be a JW if....

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