Perhaps promiscuity is a sign of lack of self-respect which either causes or is caused by depression and insecurity?
I would hazzard a guess that they are linked.
Is a sexually promiscuous life style linked to depression or insecurity?
by free2beme 47 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
lisavegas420
The manager at one of the jobs I work at is a 'ho'. I've been there for 5 years and he has slept with every woman that has ever worked there except for me. I found this out one day when he told me he 'loved me'I said...you only say that because I'm the only woman here that you haven't had sex with....he admitted that it was probably true.
lisa
-
Devilsnok
I used to be very promiscuous so I can talk with some experience of the subject.
Looking back my promiscuity came about as a result of low self esteem, a lack of self worth. I grew up a dub and was constantly told I wasn't good enough, wasn't spiritual enough and eventually I faded away. In my mind I was a useless dub, I'd failed and had been rejected by everyone I knew because I wasn't good enough.
What followed my leaving the org was years of promiscuity. I wanted to be loved and accepted and it wasn't good enough to hear that from just one person I had to hear it time and time again from loads of different people.
-
diamondblue1974
What followed my leaving the org was years of promiscuity. I wanted to be loved and accepted and it wasn't good enough to hear that from just one person I had to hear it time and time again from loads of different people.
I see this quite a lot actually in various people and whilst there isnt any real empirical evidence to analyse, I would also hazard a guess that there appears to be a definate correlation between the two.
DB74
-
Dansk
Free2beme,
I'm glad you brought this up. Good thread.
First of all, ((((((((((((((Vomit)))))))))))))). Hope you manage to get out of it!
Devilsnok:
Looking back my promiscuity came about as a result of low self esteem, a lack of self worth.
I think this about says it for me - plus I feel young men and women, and women especially, are put under too much pressure - be it through the media or peer.
Turn on the television, most channels, and there's usually a film or a drama where, even on the first date, the guy takes the girl back to his or her apartment and they get down to it. The scenario is repeated again and again and again to such an extent that a young couple could be forgiven for thinking it's the norm. Virginity should be prized - but, instead, it's portrayed as something to get rid of as soon as possible.
I believe a lot of girls, especially, believe sex is a way of being accepted; a way of keeping a steady boyfriend - when, often, the reverse is true. As free2beme has highlighted, (some/most?) men will use a woman given the chance. It must be pretty galling for an average looking girl to see all her pretty friends getting the guys and they may feel sex is all they have to offer. Truth be known, some beauties are as thick as ().
So, peer pressure, the media, films/dramas and low self-esteem are what cause sexual promiscuity - which leads to a lack of self worth! Obviously, this affects women far more than it does men. Men are generally considered one of the boys, while women are considered sluts!
What never ceases to amaze me are the number of films/dramas which portray sexual liasons followed by an advert advising the dangers of unprotected sex and promiscuity. Actually, there aren't so many of these adverts anymore - and AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are on the increase.
And here's one for the married guys! C'mon, be honest, how many of us have gone out with a girl hoping to get our ends away but would hate to see our daughters sleeping with anyone before they got married?! OK, some of us may be more liberal these days and accept that our daughters are probably sleeping with their regular boyfriends and whom they look likely to marry or set up home with. But as for sleeping around, I, for one, would hit the roof if ever that was the case (it isn't!).
I believe most men are hypocrites. We want sex, but we don't want our prospective partners or daughters to have slept around. As a friend told me, in his day there were two types of women: those to play around with and those whom you married! Has this really changed?
So, yes, sexual promiscuity can undoubtedly lead to depression and insecurity. We all want to keep our Western freedom - but I strongly believe our values, especially when it comes to sex, need reevaluating.
Ian
-
dissnchntd1
well hi to everyone and heres my two penneth worth........... speaking from personal experience............i was depressed b4 i was married at age 18.........then as i was on tranquillizers from the doctor..........i had no energy.........i was sluggish.......had little libido.......couldnt get the housework done...and felt pretty useless. My father (bless him) had labelled me lazy, and my husband took this on board..........one day when i was watching t.v (i used it as a means to escape reality) when i should have been ironing his shirts......he just got me by the throat and shook me.......... that was the beginning.......... i was so low, i sought solace from a very kind man at work, just because i felt unloved and used at home.......(used as in, the only time he was nice was when he wanted sex). well this affair at work ultimately led to sex, making me guiltridden too. see this is a viscious cycle, i wasn`t a jw at that point, but yet felt God would not accept me as i was, so what did it matter what i did anymore. i had 5 affairs in all. i knew it had to stop, it was wrong.........so i stopped it. that was that was around 1980 in the year 2000 my husband asked me if i`d ever had any affairs (he had always suspected apparently), now........being at that time a jw, i had to be honest, i told him........crushed him..........went through a very rough couple of years, had counselling, now we`re ok thankfully.......... But the guilt i felt gave me a breakdown, i was so out of it for several years.........so for me depression came first.........during........and after. but confession freed me! hope this helps in understanding it a little better........ much love to all as always dissnchntd1. hugs
-
metatron
You can read first hand accounts by various female porn stars who seem to be enjoying the sex intensely. They have personal problems
like everybody else but I don't see that sex is necessarily the cause. People like Asia Carrera, Nina Hartley, Tiffany Million and so on.
Nina said she got into porn because she enjoys wanton sex with handsome strangers but wanted to do it in a safe environment.
metatron
-
whyizit
Been there and done that, so I am speaking from experience....YES! It is a sign of BOTH.
Everyone has their drug of choice: Some over-eat, some are alcoholics, some beat the crap out of their kids,......everyone has a sin that they migrate toward when they have "issues" in their lives that they don't know how to deal with. Sex can be used just like any other drug.
It makes you feel wanted, special, confident, and empowered. But like any other drug, when the feeling wears off, you feel miserable and sick. A lot of people think it is because you were used, but in many cases, I believe that you feel just as bad about using someone else. Sometimes they are under the impression that you must really think they are great, when actually you just want them to leave you the heck alone. Why can't they just act like nothing happened? Not everyone is wired that way. It's hard to grasp when you live that kind of lifestyle.
Now that I am on the other side of it and see it for what it really was, I am relieved that I made it through without anything really bad happening, although I had few close calls. I can tell you that every time I had sex with someone, it took a piece of my soul away. Nothing I could do would ever fill the gaps. Thankfully, Jesus did what I could never do. My soul is repaired, and my sanity returned!
What I find very upsetting now, is when I run into one of my old "flames" and they think I must still be like that. It was a long time ago and I grew up and got a life. Time for them to do the same! I own my past, but that was who I was then, not who I am NOW!
-
Ironhead
****************The manager at one of the jobs I work at is a 'ho'. I've been there for 5 years and he has slept with every woman that has ever worked there except for me. I found this out one day when he told me he 'loved me'I said...you only say that because I'm the only woman here that you haven't had sex with....he admitted that it was probably true. ************
Lisa. Good on you. Some men are letches, but so are some women. I know a girl at work who's a slapper. She has asked quite a few men at work, me in particular since she works mainly along side me, "would you cheat on your wife?" She would also ask, "You like my breast they nice and big." A few have responded to her advances, and had affairs. Her brother told me last year that she has a low self-esteem and depression, and she's always on the look out for a man to settle down with and treat her nice. Maybe her insecurity has led her to a promiscuous life.
-
kerj2leev
When someone is depressed they need something to try to help them to feel happy again. Some seek this through drinking, sex, or drugs. Although all these do bring a momentary feel of happiness it actually only leads to deeper depression and guilt.
Dansk hit the nail on the head with his comments. Our western societies glorify this life style through advertising, TV, and movies. Never showing the after effects of a promiscuous life style only the temporary enjoyment that one gets from it.
On a personal note, after being divorced for a year and having my "fun" I can honestly tell you true happiness isn't found in a promiscuous life style. There is nothing more fullfilling then two people who are committed to love and respect each other. That truely brought me inner happiness.