by free2beme 47 Replies latest jw friends
I can honestly tell you true happiness isn't found in a promiscuous life style. There is nothing more fullfilling then two people who are committed to love and respect each other. That truely brought me inner happiness.
Following on from my earlier confession can I say that the above is So true. True love will knock you off your feet and send you flying!
I think that mental health problems untreated can lead people to put themselves in that situation. I know part of a doctors depression questionaire is to ask about out of control sexual activity. When people are depressed, they see no answers and they have no hope. They feel trapped in a very bleak state. Many just believe they deserve to be mistreated. If you feel like dirt, you will let people treat you like dirt. When my depression was out of control, I wasn't sexually out of control but I did let people treat me like a door mat. I was always trying to please and then would get very down when people were unpleasable.
my finance and girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about three weeks ago. Yes that is depressing, but I'm doing well. I just see this as an opportunity to get some of that tail that I couldn't have when I was in a monogamous relationship. Sort of a wild fucking spree if you would.
This kind of supports what has been said about depression and insecurity leading to promiscuity. It also brings up another contributing factor - anger.
I agree with the self esteem...or rather lack thereof...as a factor in promiscuous sex. For some women I know who are very active, sex = love or at least acceptance of some sort. Not sure that men have the same motivation.
I did go through a sexual freedom phase after leaving the borg and during my divorce, even sleeping with some of the people on this forum, one woman, two men, none of whom I see posting anymore. It was fun to date a bunch of people, have wild sex, but it still felt really empty. When it came down to it, it was all about me. I wanted to do things, didn't care so much who I did them with, it was about experimenting and flaunting my freedom. I'm now with someone who really loves me and there is no way I would ever dream of being single again. Love is so much more...
I knew single women that ONLY slept with married men because "The men just wanted to have great sex with no strings attached."
For some guys (and girls too) sleeping around a lot is a means to an end, ie finding the right person. The ones that i have seen doing this and ending up w someone as a steady, probably permanent partner were in their 40s to 50s. Of course they are going to have self worth. They were just doing what was nesesary, try before you buy type of thing. A lot of younger people in their teens or twenties go through a fuck frenzy phase. That is probably the normal human/animal activity for most people. My 25 cents worth.
S
Devilsnok said: Looking back my promiscuity came about as a result of low self esteem, a lack of self worth. I grew up a dub and was constantly told I wasn't good enough, wasn't spiritual enough and eventually I faded away. In my mind I was a useless dub, I'd failed and had been rejected by everyone I knew because I wasn't good enough. What followed my leaving the org was years of promiscuity. I wanted to be loved and accepted and it wasn't good enough to hear that from just one person I had to hear it time and time again from loads of different people.
I tend to agree. When my sister left the Borg at the tender age of 16, she had absolutely no sense of self worth. In the years that followed she slept with half the city, most of them one night stands. She's had some serious relationships too: with men who beat her up, drug dealers, losers, alcoholics. While I'm sure she's gotten depressed at times, she doesn't suffer from depression in the classical sense, so I don't think her promiscuity was cause by that, but rather by a desperate need to be loved and a lack of self esteem.
With the people I know who do this, they have a "you wish you were me" attitude. As they think this is something everyone wants. Not just the men, either, I see this with the woman too. What I see though, is this. I spend my weekends camping, playing, enjoying the love of a family. They spend theirs, drinking, having sex waking up in strange bed and with hangovers. Dealing the next week with odd moments of seeing people eye to eye in the work place, that you used to know casually, who now is among your list of sexual partners. Feeling maybe some shame, vulnerability, etc. I seems more stable and balanced, yet they never seem to want my life, but seem to think I should want theirs.
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