by RichieRich 45 Replies latest jw friends
Richie:
For some reason, I think it might be better for both of us if we were to just exist seperately, and not have any interaction.
That may be your only option. But please make it a last resort. Give her every chance to do the right thing. At the very least, the pain of having no contact with your mother will not be compounded by guilt at not having tried.
(((((( Richie ))))) Please don't react with cruel words and hatred towards your mom . You may want to lash out at her only because your hurting so much right now . The pain and hurt is right there under the surface for you all the time . I know it is easier to deal with when you just push her out of your mind BUT ultimately these feelings will need to be resolved . Take it slow if seeing her is too stressful then just call say...something like "thanks for calling mom I was beginning to think you didn't love me anymore , I love YOU hope you and dad are well ..goodbye ." Keep her wanting more . Make her realize you are the same lovable you that you always have been AND that you are now a man capable of making it on your own if you have to . If you are strong enough, a hug from her can be healing and theraputic. You know best..... if seeing her and having her reject you will be something to painful to handle then don't do it yet . Hatefulness will eat you up from the inside out.... Don't take that route . No need to try to shock her either with the tats and such You know how she will react , why push those buttons. You did those things for yourself not as a rebelious child , right ? My son is the same age as you and a wild red head much like yourself. I always feel so emotional when I read what your going through I wish I could make everything better for you . Just know I care .
((((((((((((Richie)))))))))))))))
Whatever you decide to do I'm here for you. You know what is right FOR YOU and your well-being.
My mom calls every so often (about once a month, sometimes a little less); she called last weekend to "make sure I had RSVP'd for the wedding" - a family wedding - she knows I am organized and keep on top of this stuff... so it suspiciously sounded like she came up with an excuse to call me. But after that exchange happened, she hemmed and hawed and then let me go. I could tell the guilt had set in and she felt the need to hang up...
After reading this thread I think I will go out to see her. I can hug her and smile my biggest 100-watt smile, and she can't resist it (I always want to say to her, "mom if you wanted to resist me, you shouldn't have raised me to be so irresistible." But I don't think we are quite to that joking place ... yet...).
Richie, if I lived closer to you I'd give you the biggest hug - you, me and Sparkplug could group hug and then we'd all feel better.
((((Richie))))
Lots of good advice here.
I think you should go see your mom. She's reaching out to you. She loves you and you love her, and you miss each other. That's a good starting point for mending the relationship.
That being said, I don't think that you should set your sights too high. Don't go there expecting your mother to welcome you back into your life like before. Take things one step at a time.
Don't tolerate any abusive behavior, though. Any loving relationship has to be based on mutual respect for the other person.. even if you don't agree with their actions. Do keep in mind that your mother is torn in two directions right now... she wants to see you so badly, but is being told that if she loves and cares about you, she's being displeasing to Jehovah. Mind control is a powerful thing. But so is love of a child.
As far as your appearance..... If you do go see her, wear a shirt!
GGG
Hi Richie
I've been kinda following your story for a while.
My instincts say write her a short letter. Thank her for her voicemail - it was good to hear from her. Assure her you're doing OK and that you love her. That way you keep your distance and remain in control, avoiding any potential emotional blackmail situations that would push your buttons and get you both riled.
Hi Richie; I am sure it must have been difficult for your mom to break down and call you but be very careful. You don't want to be hurt again. Take it slow. Write a "sweet" letter or call and leave a voicemail when you know she will be at the meeting. Be sure to tell her you love her. As someone said; She is a victim herself although she doesn't realize it. Be kind to her. It will come back to you. I'll keep you in my prayers...Take care....Love Arwen
My mom was a control freak and the High Priestess of Guilt Trips, so I am reading this with that kind of perspective. I would say call her first, don't just go over, and talk to her on the phone. That way you are making contact, acknowledging her phone call, AND YOU CAN HANG UP IF SHE'S GOING TO TRY TO GET YOU ON A GUILT TRIP. Sorry, that's just my nasty suspicious mind at work.
Also, on the phone you can establish a relationship without her having the immediate visual of your new look. Let her get used to the idea that you're still alive, still her son, and still love her. Once that bond is renewed, then hopefully you will be able to see her without getting Lecture #21-#25.
Hugs,
Nina
Oh babes - the pain of it! Awful! I feel like crying with you. I'd kill for a phone call like that - just one! In 8 years I've had one phonecall and made dozens. The one phonecall was to say my grandmother was dead. The dozens I have made ignored or phones put down.
Return the call, let her know you love her, but you disapprove of her cultish ways. Take strength from the support and love we all want to give you. It was must be absolute tragic trauama and hell for her having a son like you that she cannot see.
((((((((((((((((((((((((CRUMPET)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you have been mistreated so!!!
(((((((((((((Richie)))))))))))
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. I don't know exactly how you feel becuase fortunately my parents left the org with me and my family. But I will tell you from a mothers stand point, there is nothing that my son could do that could take away my love from him. Sure, he might disappoint me and I might be grieved at decisions he makes but he is still mine and that is enough.
I know that your mom is still entrenched in that organization but you might be her only opportunity to get out. The fact that she called even though you are D'aed might mean she is not letting the Watchtower completely control her.
Express to her your love for her and even if she doesn't respond at least you've done all that you could to keep a relationship with her. Maybe eventually she will come around. You seem like a really great guy and she will be able to see though all the superficial stuff and see what is behind all the tatoos, earings and contacts.
Loruhamah
