by curiousabouthim 52 Replies latest social relationships
The experience of a great many people -- yours truly included -- is that marrying a JW is an invitation to long term unhappiness. Even the Bible says that yoking an ass and an ox together is bad idea. JWs -- no matter how good they might appear at the moment -- will in the long run prove to be asses and a lot worse. Put your emotional money on another horse.
AlanF
Hi curiousabouthim, and welcome to the forum.
Are you aware of how jws view women? They practice the headship principle, as outlined here at 1Corinthians 11:3
But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.
If you marry this jw, he will be regarded as the head of the household, with the right to make final decisions on child rearing etc. Are you prepared to accept this? If he feels that your future children should be raised as jws, and his fellow jws will pressure him to do that, are you ready for the inevitable conflict that that will bring if you disagree with him? He will also be under pressure to bring you into the congregation, are you ok with that?
Whatever he is saying now, those things will be in your future. If you are fine with that, then stay with him. If you are not, then I would think very carefully before you commit yourself fully.
Linda
It sounds like you really love each other and it would be a shame to throw that away.
If you do marry, it will be you that has to make all the sacrifices to accomodate his beliefs. Are you prepared to do that?
The good thing is that he has no other family members that are jws, so at least the marriage won't be subject to added pressure from them. You never know, you could raise a few issues about the jws that you learn on this forum and be able to get him out of the evil cult. Now that would be worthwhile!!
Good luck with whatever you decide. XXX
Please do all the reading and researching you can and get his truthful answers before you even consider marriage. I am sure he is a wonderful man but he is controlled by an organization that tells him what and what no he is able to do. He has to obey these "men" to the ultimate or he will be ousted. He will be forever trying to please these "men" and your needs, wants, and emotions will be last on his list. My ex became a JW after five years of our marriage and for the next five years I was so damaged that I will never be the same person again. When I tried to end the marriage he kidnapped our two sons and I didn't see them or know where they were for six month. They were four and nine. They were assisted by different Witness congregations in different provinces. So tread very carefully my dear girl....Life is too short to be so uphappy.
Here's how it goes if you marry a jw or your spouse becomes one later, the jw's control- how they wear their hair, cothing, all their time by 5 meetings a week and don't forget Saturday field service, who they may associate with (there seems to be some wiggle room there) how you can make love to your spouse, how much passion is allowed, what games they are allowed to play, what books they may read, what shows or movies they may watch, holidays (none), family traditions (bad), basically every minute detail of their life. Children? you believe he won't be telling them mommy is filled with satan because you don't join? and don't forget they aren't called a 'pedophile paradise' for nothing! Bible study? hate to tell you they don't do Bible study, they do 'book' studies in which they study jw doctrine and interpretation not the bible.
So if you don't mind having your entire life controlled by a cult by all means marry the fellow. I think you should do some research first. Read the pain here or on other exjw boards that being associated with the jw's has caused. The pain won't be yours alone it will affect your entire family.
Here's how it goes if you marry a jw or your spouse becomes one later, the jw's control- how they wear their hair, cothing, all their time by 5 meetings a week and don't forget Saturday field service, who they may associate with (there seems to be some wiggle room there) how you can make love to your spouse, how much passion is allowed, what games they are allowed to play, what books they may read, what shows or movies they may watch, holidays (none), family traditions (bad), basically every minute detail of their life. Children? you believe he won't be telling them mommy is filled with satan because you don't join? and don't forget they aren't called a 'pedophile paradise' for nothing! Bible study? hate to tell you they don't do Bible study, they do 'book' studies in which they study jw doctrine and interpretation not the bible.
So if you don't mind having your entire life controlled by a cult by all means marry the fellow. I think you should do some research first. Read the pain here or on other exjw boards that being associated with the jw's has caused. The pain won't be yours alone it will affect your entire family.
Here's how it goes if you marry a jw or your spouse becomes one later, the jw's control- how they wear their hair, cothing, all their time by 5 meetings a week and don't forget Saturday field service, who they may associate with (there seems to be some wiggle room there) how you can make love to your spouse, how much passion is allowed, what games they are allowed to play, what books they may read, what shows or movies they may watch, holidays (none), family traditions (bad), basically every minute detail of their life. Children? you believe he won't be telling them mommy is filled with satan because you don't join? and don't forget they aren't called a 'pedophile paradise' for nothing! Bible study? hate to tell you they don't do Bible study, they do 'book' studies in which they study jw doctrine and interpretation not the bible.
So if you don't mind having your entire life controlled by a cult by all means marry the fellow. I think you should do some research first. Read the pain here or on other exjw boards that being associated with the jw's has caused. The pain won't be yours alone it will affect your entire family.
As said by most people above marrying a JW is not an easy task since they believe that the whole world is evil and due for destruction very soon except themselves. They look down upon everyone else. But the person you are interested in may decide to leave the JWs, or maybe not.
I smell a rat, but shall press on.........(remember I said that).............
Other than devoting a whole lot of time to understanding their beliefs, is their an easier way to find this info out?
Yes. Rather than devote a lot of your precious time finding out about the beliefs of your fiance that will dictate the shape of the rest yof your life and your childrens' lives - just go ahead and marry him. You'll get a quick education, but then of course, it will be too late.
Also, he doesn't sound like he's for real - JWs are cautioned endlessly about not even associating with unbelievers, and here he is dating one and contemplating marriage with one? Not that this never happens, but it sounds suspiciously calculating. He is either (1)on his way out of the cult or (2) he is planning for you to get into it. The only other possibility is that (3) he is amazingly short-sighted - after all, he knows more about what you're getting into than you do. I can't imagine anyone who loves someone putting them through that.
(I still smell a rat)
WOW!
My mouth dropped as I read all that stuff. Thank you again for replying, and obviously I have some research to do. Yikes.
Darnet. Everything else about this man is amazing. He is incredible. And other than the fact he will not sleep with me till we are married, that is the only thing that has been different in the way we wish to be right now. (so far) I don' sleep around, but I don't personally require a marriage to allow me to have sex with someone I love. Just me.
Hmmmm, sounds pretty crazy, this JW cult.
There are so many questions I have. I guess i just am confused because he is so understanding and not pushy. time will tell I suppose.
I will update when I learn anything new. Thankyou all again, I really appreciate it as I have no idea about his stuff.
