Good news: No longer an elder; Bad news: Disappointed wife

by doinmypart 50 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sspo

  Going thru the same thing, but worse, like many others on this board we ended up divorced because of finding out the "truth " was not the truth.

  In my case I spoke too much and she left after 27 years of marriage due to apostacy on my part.

  If you love your wife which I think you do, be careful how much you push your new found knowledge on her otherwise you will end up like many of us.

  Take your time and at times keep your mouth shut and put yourself in her shoes because her world is also falling apart.
• 

  Gill

  (((((((( sspo ))))))))
• 

  garybuss

  Me thinks do-it-yourself marriage counseling is more than a bit like do-it-yourself surgery . . . you can do it, but too often the outcome is not good.
  
  I always recommend going to a medical doctor for a broken body, to a auto mechanic for a broken car, and to a marriage therapist for a broken marriage.
  
  It's hard to be credible when I just proved I'm an idiot.
  
  
• 

  dido

  doinmypart- your wife should stay with you even if you don`t believe any longer. What is the difference between any other married couple with one believer? they still have to stay. I stuck it out for 25 years with an unbelieving husband who was opposed, so i don`t see why she shouldn`t stay with you. If she practices what they teach, she won`t be allowed to leave, will she? and i`m sure that you won`t oppose her, you will probably find it hard with her practising it, but if you are kind and loving, why should she go?
• 

  purplesofa

  Hey

  I sent you a pm.........

  Get all the support you need.

  Thinking of you,

  purps
• 

  jaguarbass

  She married a guy she thought would be a JW forever.

  You were married under false pretenses. The world changes for everybody. Life is dynamic. Many things are not as they seem. Welcome to the grand illusion.

  Ive been through it my wife and I survived. She followed me out of the organization ten years latter.

  Good luck.
• 

  purplesofa

  She married a guy she thought would be a JW forever

  Thats why its best to fall in love with the man......or woman, as the core of who we are stays the same.....

  but jobs, religions, looks etc etc all change.

  purps
• 

  bebu

  Hey doin,

  If you still have a lot of ice between you, then try this: when you have some time to talk together at length take a deep breath and apologize for pushing too hard on her in your discussions. She might take great advantage of this and jump all over you and let you have it, but bite your tongue!! Let her vent. Nod silently--not because of agreement, but because you are listening/understanding. It might leave you looking like the loser of the 'debate' you had, but grit your teeth and let it look so. It can build up your credibility as a caring person, and help her relax a bit... and feel more open to listening to you in the future (if you are careful to be extra considerate in the meantime). Your character will attract her to your words.

  bebu
• 

  My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

  I agree with Bebu ...

  Around year 15, things were coming to a boiling point....lots of unspoken undertones....so I told my wife that she had my undivided attention for as long as she needed to talk. I would come home from work and sit in the kitchen while she cooked and talked. I shut up. She talked for two hours a day from August until just before Xmas. I'm not kidding. I learned a lot. I stopped being sarcastic and learned how to not hurt her feelings.

  I really agree with Gary....get professional help, even it is just you. It helps. We did 4 years on and off.

  I really, really agree with GGG... Start spending way more time with your kids as their father not their ruler. Get them involved in something they've always wanted to do but couldn't..... soccer, little league, dancing lessons, anything. Take them on fun trips to fun places. Just be their supportive Dad. They will dig the new you in no time.

  And as everyone says...Love your kids Mom and treat her with respect!

  It can be done.
• 

  Lady Liberty

  In hindsight I hate that I pushed too hard, my wife wouldn't agree to read/listen to anything contrary to the WTS, but I think she was doing her best given the situation.

  Dear Doinmypart,

  I appreciate the stand you have taken for truth, even though it's not at all what we all thought it to be. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Is there anyway that you can soften things by telling her exactly what you have said here? About you feeling bad that pushed her too hard. Maybe you already have. Perhaps you could tell her that in order to have the confidence and conviction you once had, you need to have answers for some things that you can't find. Then pick something you know will get her questioning..like say the 607 thing, mediator, U.N. etc. Ask her to help you find the answers. My husband kindof gave me a hard time when I was trying to show him the 607 issue. He wanted to just use the Appendix to the Kingdom Come book to satisfy my questions. But it wasn't until I said (kindly) "No. Show me proof of 607 with using the Societys literature." It was only then that he saw what I was talking about. He is now out because of that. Maybe she will start to at least see where you are coming from, even if she doesn't want to agree at this time. You never know, she may begin to question things too.

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty