Don't step on the Ducks !! Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck! Ian
TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUGH!
by Dansk 53 Replies latest social humour
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Dansk
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Dansk
POST YOUR JOKES HERE!
Here's another:
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."Ian
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crazyblondeb
Thanks Ian, I just spewed coffee all over my monitor. I needed that laugh on this rainy, dreary morning!! I can't ever remember any jokes!
shelley
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zagor
Ian I almost spilled coffee all over my keyboard
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chiddy
any one heard the joke about the Pakistani, Cuban, Scotsman, and an Englishman on a train?
Might get deleted though if I finish it
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Dismembered
Careful Ian, we all have keyboards to worry about so early in the am
Dismembered
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dido
Ian-`the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on....very tall,long eyelashes, muscular and thin` does that determine a `good looking man`? Apart from that very funny!
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chiddy
What do you call a guy witha shovel on his head? Doug
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AuldSoul
The little girl's "pyfon" was a hoot, Ian!
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zagor
This was something my father (who's not a JW ) told me when I was a teenager.
A wife was a regular churchgoer and several priests were flirty with her much to her and husband's annoyance.
One day, after contemplating how to make money they devised a brilliant plan.
Wife invites separately three of them to come for "coffee" each one to arrive 15 minutes after the other.
So the first one comes in, has a coffee and before even being able to touch her there's somebody knocking on the door. "Quick" she say "hide under the bad must be my husband."
Second priest enters has a coffee, then knock on the door comes again. "Quick" woman says, "hide up in the loft." So priest somehow squeezes through the whole in the ceiling, just in time before next priest enters.
Third priest has a coffee, and then there is another knock on the door. "Quick" wife says in an apparent panic, "must be my husband, hide here in a cupboard"
Husband enters the room, looking run down and sad. "You know everything is so expensive these days" he's mourning. But you know what is the most expensive thing? he asks "what" wife says "priest’s hide (skin)" husband replies . “Really” wife asks, "well that’s great because I've got three of them"
So the first priest comes out from under the bed gives his moneybag, gets stripped off his garment, gets kick in the ass and leaves. Second priest comes out of cupboard, pious looking and pleading “please spare me from this shame and I promise you the father from above will repay you for everything"
At that very moment voice comes from above with one finger salute poking through the opening in the ceiling, "no brother everyone pays for his own hide"