TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUGH! (page 4)

chiddy

What did the Duck say to the Tax man?

Told him where to stick his Bill

twinkletoes

All so funny - thanks, just what we need on a miserable rainy day.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired

Man who runs behind car gets exhausted

twink

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) ,

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to attack us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives. SM:Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down .

Ian

MidwichCuckoo

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

MidwichCuckoo

Husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Clam

A Russian Czar's birthday arrived and when he woke up he saw a message written in urine in the heavy snow from the night before:

"A happy birthday to you my master, signed Ivan " -

The Czar called Ivan and said " Although rather disgusting, it was nice of you to remember my birthday, but how on earth did you do it? You are illiterate! "

The servant responded " Oh it was simple. I was pissing in the snow and your wife was holding my dick "

Dansk

A social worker decides to take a bunch of blind children out into the countryside on a coach. The coach arrives at a log cabin deep in a forest. There is a soccer pitch opposite the cabin and the social worker directs the children to this pitch and then gives them a ball to play with.

Just then a man who looked after the log cabin sidled up to the social worker and said:

"Amazing! How do the kids know where the ball is if they can't see?"

"Oh, there's a bell in the ball," replies the social worker. "The children have such developed hearing that they just listen out for the bell tinkling so they know where it is."

Suitably impressed, the man asked the social worker if he'd like to come into the cabin for a cup of tea. The social worker, making sure the children were deep in play, consented and went inside the cabin to enjoy his cuppa.

After half an hour's conversation both men stepped outside - to silence. All the children were gone!

Frantically, the social worker and his new-found friend went hurriedly into the forest to see if they could find the children. After 3 hours searching, and covered in sweat and flies, they came back defeated. Both men felt terrible and decided they had to telephone the police - when, suddenly, a police van came into view driving towards them along a dirt track.

The police van pulled up outside the front of the cabin and the officer asked:

"Are these kids anything to do with you?"

Looking into the back of the van where all the children were sitting crestfallen, the social worker gleefully replied "Yes!"

The policeman then sternly replied: "Well, would you take better care of them next time! I found them in the village. They've been kicking the shins out of the morris dancers!"

Ian

Hecklerboy

And then there's the one about the three legged dog that walked into the saloon and said "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw".

Get it? Paw. I kill me!!!

TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUGH!

SWALKER

chiddy

Moomin

twinkletoes

Dansk

MidwichCuckoo

MidwichCuckoo

Clam

Dansk

Hecklerboy

Share this