bye bye

Devilsnok

It’s time for me to move on.

Some of you will know that recently I’ve really messed my life up. I met a lurker on a dub site and while we started off as just friends we became a lot more. Over 3 months we hurt both our partners and ourselves and in the end she ended up running back to her rich boyfriend and cut me off completely.

Ok I know that some of you embittered bible bashers just can’t wait to reach for your keyboards and start condemning me… Save it! You cant make me feel any worse than I already feel.

For me the relationship wasn’t about the sex, it was about belonging again, it was about being with someone that grew up the same way as me, about being with someone who thought like me and who felt like me. It was about being with “my people” again rather than my “worldly” girlfriend

I’ve lost that “sister” and with her a great big piece of my heart. I feel like I’m 25 and just out of the truth again, not knowing anyone in the world and having lost everyone that I loved in the truth all over again. I am so messed up and it hurts so bad

I have this great big hole where my heart used to be.

I know I can’t spend the rest of my life looking back and wishing I had someone that grew up in the truth, someone who could relate to and understand me. The chances of me finding someone like that are few and far between. So I am just going to have to put it all behind me and forget I was ever a dub. However I can’t move on while I’m still stuck on boards with other Ex Dubs, it’s a constant reminder and it hurts too much. Its time for me to move on and to get on with my life in this world with out dubs.

I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye, to all those people that have mattered over the years and that have had me roaring with laughter too, Lee, Mary, Gumby, Gary, Deliliah, Debs/ Nelly, Karl, Luna, Froggie, Miss P etc…

Thanks for being mates

Onward and upward as a mate of mine would say.

Matt

Dansk

Matt,

I still thinks it's worth coming here to help yourself heal. So many on JWD know exactly what you are going through. No one is going to judge you!

Whatever you decide, all the best with your life - and look out for British Apostafests!

There's a Chinese eat coming up next year. Perhaps you can make it. I hope so.

Best wishes,

Ian

LittleToe

You should probably stick around.

Of all the people on the planet the bunch here are generally the least judgemental. Sure there are a few asses, but they are few and far between. One mishap does not a catastrophe make.

Start by forgiving yourself, heal some, and spread your wings...

nelly136

we all make mistakes and hindsights a bitch, you just had a nasty learning curve visit. (((matt)))

fullofdoubtnow

No condemnation coming from here Matt.

I left that sort of judgemental attitude behind me when I quit the wts. I'm so lucky in that I am with another ex jw, but my friends who have never walked in my shoes don't really understand what it's like to have the kind of memories we have. I really don't know what I'd have done in your situation, but I suspect that I would have been drawn to someone with the same background as me as well.

I hope that you do come in from time to time, but if not, good luck.

Linda

daystar

Some of you will know that recently I’ve really messed my life up. I met a lurker on a dub site and while we started off as just friends we became a lot more. Over 3 months we hurt both our partners and ourselves and in the end she ended up running back to her rich boyfriend and cut me off completely.

Hey... You should probably reconsider thinking that you've messed up your life. You learned some lessons is all.

I have to say that this hits home for me as I've fallen in love with an ex-JW from here and things are not as clear-cut as either of us would like them to be. I'm really sorry things haven't worked out for you in this, so far. But you've got time. I know it probably doesn't seem like it. But you do. I didn't think I'd ever be able to be as in love as I am now, at 33.

Sunspot

My goodness! 90 posts and you are ready to leave? You're just getting warmed UP!

Seriously, I do understand the need to balance who you were then, as to who you are now.....and hopefully you see an overall improvement. I took a break from here myself....and found that I needed the folks on this board far more than they needed ME! (Selfish---but there it is!)

You have to make your own decisions and go with what you feel is best for you....but you may just be back here after all is said and done. Being here is a comfort zone for me and probably for many others here. You may see this after you've been gone a while.

So MANY topics and posters are a source of strength, advice, wisdom, comfort and friendship to me on JWD.....I'm sorry you don't see it that way. I have come to understand that it doesn't necessarily mean that I want to "hang onto" all the unpleasantness of being a JW....it means that this is the ONLY place I have found where others share my experiences and my disappointments while coming OUT of the WTS.

I truly hope you can find what you need, and what you are looking for....

I wish you all the best on your journey...

hugs,

Annie

lonelysheep

I'm sorry your heart has been broken. (((Matt))) Maybe a break is in order, but leaving all together may not be something to consider at the moment. We're here for you and I don't doubt others have been in at least a similar situation as yourself.

BizzyBee

Matt,

Relapse is part of recovery. Don't be too hard on yourself for wanting the comfort of the familiar. This is a process, not a foot race.

BlackPearl

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You can't just up and decide to leave, WE need you too much! I know I'm a newbie, but I'm going through the same things, being a JW for my whole life. You're still going to run into dubs here and there and be reminded of them, you won't be able to escape it. So...I suggest you lick your wounds, learn from them, and stick around. Time heals many things, maybe you should give yourself some time, that's what you really need.

For me the relationship wasn’t about the sex, it was about belonging again, it was about being with someone that grew up the same way as me, about being with someone who thought like me and who felt like me. It was about being with “my people” again rather than my “worldly” girlfriend

Sometimes, in life, we don't get to belong to anything. This is primarily why I left the org., I just never felt that I "fit in" or "belonged", I always felt like the odd man out. So I got just used to just being satisfied with who I was, friends or no friends, fitting in or no fitting in, belong or not belonging, it didn't matter as long as I knew who I was, and that I had worth to me.

You know the old saying, "It's darkest just before dawn", stick around here, get your bearings, and move on with your life. You haven't wasted anything, you've just learned something valuable that you can hold onto for the rest of your life.

bye bye

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