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Chameleon

jwfacts: thanks.

Well, my parents are the only ones I've spoken to about my doubts, so they're on red alert; I still live with them because I have no means of moving out.

They wake me up for service and if I say no, they'd probably think I've been going on more "apostate" sites (which I have, but I'm not telling them).

I doubt they would rat me out to the elders (even though my dad is one) so I don't think they would shun me if I faded away.

For now, I have to put up the illusion of being a good JW, though.

juni

Welcome Chameleon to the forum.

It's good that you're making your own choices. I know you'll receive more answers by those who have been or are in your position.

Best to you,

Juni

At 21 you need to concentrate on educating yourself and getting a good job. It will not only help you financially but it will be a source of self -esteem. Could you possibly play by the rules till you finish school and get a good job? I'm afraid that if you move out now you will find it necessary to quit school to support yourself.

Maybe you could slip in your service time, like others suggested. This should stop them from appointing you as an MS. Be a good son to your parents and avoid doing anything you would later regret. Bide your time and when you are able move out and start your life. Try to avoid getting DF'd or DAing yourself so you can keep you family intact.

You are still young, your life is still ahead of you. I am 47 and just now trying to fade w/o loosing my grown children.

Don't do anything w/o thinking it through.

Take care.

Chameleon

Thanks, Juni.

To be fair, I've never been treated badly, but I've never been treated greatly, either.

I don't really know people I consider a true friend in the hall anymore, and the main factor for my deciding to break away was the hypocrisy. It all started when I started thinking why I was a JW, and what better way to reinforce your beliefs than by reviewing the history, right? I wasn't shocked when I found out the truth about "the truth" since there always seemed something wrong with it, although I couldn't figure out what.

Also, since the first year that I started going to meetings, every once in a while I would hear "apostate" and I asked what that was. What never clicked with me was that if the JWs were the truth, then surely all the criticism would be lies, so why wasn't it ok to see/read/listen to the critics?

I can't continue living a lie for much longer.

Chameleon

becca1: I should get my AA degree in June (if I take more classes each semester) =)

In my 13 years of being a JW, there was only one month when I had more than 10 hours.

So I hope that prevents me from being an MS.

I never found the idea of living from paycheck to paycheck very appealing. =)

OnTheWayOut

You asked what kind of JW family I have. No kids, but a wife of many years (met in the congregation) and a mother who are JW. Mom was DF'ed after 1975, and later went back to JW. I am more than twice your age. I keep my identity a secret, also, because I don't want to get DF'ed.

You are in your parents house for now, so that's tough on the field service and meetings thing. You can try to skip service and say you have headaches. (You aren't truly lying if field service hurts your mind). Enough headaches and you will need a doctor. Eventually, tell your folks that you think you are depressed because of something- loneliness, or fear of the future, depressed that you don't have a car or license- whatever you can sell to them. (Most of us have some depression that we cope well with, use one that's true.) That would be a reason for poor field service. Don't do it as often for the meetings, but try it. Remember, your depression is an excuse to cut back- don't get all depressed and miss out on life outside the Kingdom Hall. Tell your folks that outdoor stuff helps your depression. If they insist you go to a doctor, and if you trust the doctor, tell him you are depressed because of the religion.

Lighten up on doctrinal discussion with the parents. Dad will deal with it like an elder sooner or later. Just stick to "doubts." That's how I resigned as an elder. I never try to win arguments with the elders. A young person is expected to have doubts and depressions. I don't want to be the only advise here. Others have great ideas. Maybe read alot here before taking a certain path of action.

parakeet

Chameleon: "How did you leave? By moving out, or did you mean leave the cong.?"

I guess I should mention that I left almost 30 years ago! I was a little older than you, still in my 20s with a nonJW husband and a small child (BTW, your instinct not to marry a JW is an extremely good one! The stories of some here with JW mates and children are just heartrending).

For a long time I was willing for my parents' sake to continue as a JW, although not a very active one, but when my son was born, I was determined that he would not have the same kind of JW upbringing I had (and that you probably had as well). Back then there was no Internet, so I struggled with my doubts for three years (my husband's support during this time was immeasurable).

I finally became so depressed I had to be hospitalized for several weeks. With the support of my husband and my doctors, I finally determined to make the break with the JWs once and for all. That's when I told my parents -- probably the single most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. They were devastated, but fortunately, they valued their relationship with me more than WTS policies. We've maintained a pretty good relationship over the years.

I don't know how your parents would be likely to react if you did something similar -- you're the best judge of that. But I can tell you that freedom from the oppressive and unkind WTS religion was the best thing I ever did for myself. I went to college, received a bachelor's and master's degree, had a rewarding career, raised my child as my husband and I saw fit, and in general have lived a life that has been far more rewarding than anything the JWs have to offer.

I would suggest that you have some kind of support system in place if you decide to make a clean break with the org. It's a terrible thing to experience rejection and shunning from your own family. This forum will be helpful, but start making a life for yourself outside the JWs so you will have something to go to when you do finally leave.

One poster here, LadyLee, is very knowledgeable about the kind of turmoil you're going through. Read her past posts or pm her for advice. She can give you very good information. Keep reading present and past posts for more direction about your dilemma. Many have been where you are now and have come through it ok. Take care.

Chameleon

My parents started studying in '93, when I was 8, and they got baptized in '95.

So I was raised as a JW, although not all my life. I missed Christmas the most during those first years.

Anyway, I thank everyone for their honest advice.

I appreciate it greatly.

OnTheWayOut

I would really like to stay and read more with you, but my wife is coming home, she doesn't know I am on the JWD. So imagine that, twice your age, and still hiding where I go on the internet. Some things take time. I will check back, tomorrow. I suggest you do the same thing (tomorrow or when you can). Don't make any rash decisions without thinking them thru. But sabatoge your MS appointment, or at least say NO, I need to get a job, or I just started this job. I need to save up for a car, rent. I need to deal with depression. Dad might hide what he knows from the elders or he might turn you in, be careful and low key until you are ready to scream your decisions.

Wasanelder Once

I reccomend that you not become a MS. When they ask you if there is any reason why you should not be appointed, say "yes", and then say you're not in a position to handle the responsibility at this time. BE FIRM. Tell them that you can serve Jehovah more acceptably as a regular publisher for a while longer. Make sure you tell them its not due to any scriptural wrongdoing on your part. You believe that it would be detrimental to your spirituality to take the extra responsibility right now. The answer is NO, not, "I'll think about it" its "NO." You don't have to tell them you have doubts, just say no.

Of course, if you want to be an MS who gets everything dumped on him so that you are not only irritated with playing along with the BS you have to listen to, but are also loaded down with busy work that no one appreciates, go ahead.

Ultimately, do what you think is right. Just know that YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YES WHEN THEY APPROACH YOU ABOUT ACCEPTING THE ASSIGNMNET.

Expect a shocked look for a response, this is highly unregular and unexpected. Too bad.

That's my two cents for what its worth.

W.Once

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