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BurnTheShips

Hi You are in a tough spot, I know because I have been there. I was a Ministerial Servant until 2 Sundays past. I am finally giving it up (though I still have a book study group meeting at my home). Little by little now, I am "fading into the light"! It must be tough for you since it sounds like you still live with your parents. It would have been tough for me too. I was in a similar situation 2 years ago when they approached me about being an MS, only I was married instead of living with my parents. I had been a regular pioneer during the preceding year along with my wife. I figured "well I will give this a try". Think carefully! If you go "deeper" by accepting special privileges in the Org when you know in your heart it is not the truth you will be very unhappy. The responsibilities you will have will feel like a very heavy burden because you do not believe in them. I know they were for me although I did enjoy teaching from the platform and tried to do things my own way as much as possible. I disliked regurgitating the assigned materials too much and I know the brothers enjoyed hearing something different-so I did a lot of personal research when I had an assignment. However I was assigned the congregaton accounts and that is a lot of work! Work that I hated! It would have been easier had I "believed" in what I was doing. I also realized what an unnecessary financial burden is placed on the brothers-not a Christian burden. Just remember this, if you know in your heart and mind that this is not the truth there will always be that bother in the back off your head-even if you are an MS. And the deeper you are into the Org the harder it will be for you to leave. As for your parents, don't confront them too much with the truth that you are learning, like a turtle, they will poke themselves in and only show you a hard shell. Work on them little by little. Trust me. That is the only whay I got my wife to see the light. When she felt threatened by a direct method 8 years ago there was no reasoning with her. It has taken me the last 2 years of baby steps to get her to see the truth. Now our family study involves reading a chapter of Ray Franz "Crisis of Conscience" every evening. I pray that Jehovah guides to the light. Remember: "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." I pray for your freedom brother. BurnTheSHips

cyberdyne systems 101

I can relate to how your family took to hearing your doubts, mine were the same causing me to bottle it up for a while longer. It sounds like your doing the right thing by making some plans before you jump ship. As far as the MS appointment goes there are two things you can do 1) fluctuate on your service (ministry, attendance, answering, appearance etc) 2) Say no when they ask if you want to be appointed - this is hard due to the pressure of the situation but can be done if you pre plan to do so. I wish you all the best at discovering your new life and hope the family can accept your choice, oh and welcome to the forum!

CS 101

Mary

Chamelon said: Also, since the first year that I started going to meetings, every once in a while I would hear "apostate" and I asked what that was. What never clicked with me was that if the JWs were the truth, then surely all the criticism would be lies, so why wasn't it ok to see/read/listen to the critics?

Chamelon, that is exactly what I thought when I first started investigating the religion. Ironic that it was the WT's own literature on apostacy that was the instrument in my finding out the truth about the religion.

As for your parents not turning you in: I say that's great, but still use caution. My parents would not turn me in either, but I don't want to hurt them or rock the boat, so we simply don't talk about the religion at all. I've never told them what I've found out about the religion as they're old and it could destroy them. I think they know I don't believe alot of it anymore, but they don't want to know why, so they don't ask.

I would recommend that you sort of leave off trying to tell your parents what you've found out about the religion for now if you can't afford to move out. I would strongly recommend that you enroll in a college or university and get a decent education (if your parents will still let you live at home). That way, you at least have an excuse for missing the meetings (you're too busy with school). While this would still be frowned upon, it's better than not having any excuse as to why you're not going out in service or missing meetings. I'll assume you want to avoid any hassle with the elders on this, but be prepared for a "shepherding call" to find out what the problem is. If you even hint that you know about the UN scandal or believe the pedophile scandal, they could try to charge you with apostasy and force your parents to chose between the religion and you.

This forum is an excellent place to help you try to come to term with the reality that we were lied to about having "the Truth".

Welcome aboard.

Dismembered

Greetings Chameleon,

Welcome to JWD, and being brave enough to register. There are so many here in the same type of situation. Pull up a chair and read the threads. There's lots to learn. Cheers!

Dismembered

delilah

Welcome Chamelion....I agree with so many others here, when they've said, not to say too much yet to your parents, about what you feel, truthwise. Take caution, and learn all you can, BEFORE you decide what to do. I myself, have faded, but have in the past, been DF'd, so I know the agony of being shunned. It is not pleasant. Only YOU, can decide what route is best for you.

Best wishes to you, looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Legolas

Welcome to the board!

OnTheWayOut

Hey, you got some well-rounded advice here.

It sounds like you've determined to fade, taking as much as 2 years to move out and into your own situation. That's great.
As long as you turn down the MS assignment, you could fade as slow or as fast as you dare. You don't have to go
straight to totally inactive in field service. If you are dragged out of bed by parents to do stuff, you decide how much you
are willing to do. Even slipping to 5 hours a month should be reason enough to say you are not ready for more
responsibility.

The recommendations that you be careful what you say- important to listen. I am very much in love with my wife of nearly
20 years, but she just might turn me in to the elders for apostasy if I am not careful. Same for my mother (I doubt it fully in
her case, but what if I am wrong?) I have left some hints around for my wife to find- news articles reprinted from the internet
about the UN, and I told my wife that I have google alerts about JW news items (usually funeral notices and ocassionally a wierd
story about people leaving the cult) but I do not talk about such issues to her. I wait for her to ask about them. So far, she has
not asked about the UN. (If you don't know what we are talking about, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah's_Witnesses_and_the_United_Nations would be one place to look)

Again, welcome to the JWD. You can read great information here, learn alot. Feel free to add questions or comments as you do.

Lady Liberty

Dear Chameleon,

WELCOME!!!! We are glad to have you here! I can't imagine what you must be feeling everytime you go play the part! I had such a difficult time sitting through the meetings after I found that we were being lied to. Don't give up on your parents. They are just sincerely worried about you. It took me two years to FINALLY listen to what my parents were trying to tell me about the organization. It was the 607 issue that got me. No where other than the Societys own publications is the date 607 for Jerusalems destruction. I wanted to find proof for 607, so I began a journey, that actually led me out, instead of giving me the answers I was looking for to prove 607. I was devistated and shocked. But eventually came to terms with the fact that I just wanted the truth no matter what it was. Without the 607 date you have no 1914, and without that date, they lose their entire authority structure! That was Pandoras box for me as well as hundreds if not thousands of others. Maybe you can try the same approach.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

katiekitten

My doubts never were about God, but the WT claiming to be the rep. of God. I still have faith in God. =)

Welcome Chameleon. You are in good company here. Lots of people still have a strong faith in god, they have just decided that god doesnt work soley though a 12 old men.

I empathise with your position. Its not easy when you stand to lose a family and support system. I hope you find a way of resolving your issues. Always remember that life does go on, and sometimes it even gets better. It did for me, but then being a woman I was never lined up for greatness within the religion.

Please stick around.

Chameleon

Thanks, everyone. I have some questions: Ok, the wt says that it needed access to the UN library or whatever, and they were able to access it for 9 or 10 years (if we actually believe them). There's even some site going through all the differences between signing up as an NGO now and back in '91 or whatever, trying to excuse the WT of any wrongdoing. Apart from the official stance they have about the UN and how they used to brag about not having anything to do with it, if they resigned, I assume that they no longer have access to the library, so I wonder: How important was this research material if they resigned after a day of word getting out? They didn't even let it be known, much less apologize for it. My other question is: I have a friend who was never "spiritual" at all, and he'd only do 1-3 hours of service every month. He was too "wordly" (a.k.a. normal) and he missed a handful of meetings frequently. The elders finally spoke to him. I don't know what happened, but now he doesn't go at all or go to service but he's not DFd. What's it called when if you have privileges they're taken away, and you can't comment at meetings? I think that's what they did to him (although he never had privileges; i'm just describing the condition he's in with the cong. right now). Also, if the elders finally got around to talking to me after I faded, would saying I just got bored with "the truth" be helpful? I would say that Jehovah doesn't want anyone by force. Has this worked with anyone before? I figure it's better saying something like that than saying "Your cult is bs" and getting DFd for apostasy.

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