I joined yesterday... (page 2)

juni

Dear Kathy,

I completely understand what you are asking. I would suggest a good counselor (therapist) and talk, talk, talk. You will be amazed how many have dealt w/JWs - ones that were DFed, etc.

They will help you put things in perspective, improve your self-esteem, and give solid advice as to how to move on. Volunteering is a wonderful outlet. You are helping others which helps you in return.

I hope this helped a little.

Juni

You had said:

Eight years ago I was raped by a Ministerial Servant who was my husband's best friend... We (husband and I) were devastated. This was after I had sincerely gone to the elders to report a congregationwide scandal and been marked for it.

How sad! Are you and your husband still together? Is he also out of the org.?

Don't feel that you are alone w/this sort of treatment. There are a lot of others who have been unfairly marked. Crisis of Conscience is an excellent book to read Kathy.

katiekitten

Welcome Calyndra.

I am truly sorry to hear of your devastating experiences. We are not all bitter. Some of us come here for healing , some of us just come for a chat.

I think you will find healing and resolution eventually, but its a longer harder road for some than for others. I hope we can share your journey and maybe help a little too.

Sunspot

I thought I HAD healed.

Hello and welcome, Kathy!

I spent 30 years as a faithful JW and left seven years ago. I thought too, that I had healed and was staring our fresh. It is like the layers of an onion, just peeling away layer after layer.....and sometimes just as startlingly smelly and tear-inducing as peeling an onion can be.

I have come here and been strengthened, been argued AT and been argued WITH, been made to ask myself some hard questions and have been here to offer love, comfort and support to others here on JWD. No matter why one comes here to post, they are all (for the most part) "a" part of the group.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us and I look forward to hearing more from you!

hugs,

Annie

Calyndra

Frannie,

I totally understand that it's a phase that many go through... If you read the tone of my own posts, there is bitterness, and hurt, and anger... I just want to be very careful not to allow this to swallow me up and not let go. I don't want to get trapped in the negativity. That (to me) would be trading one "enslavement" for another.

Believe me, I am not judging ANYONE for their feelings. I simply want to take responsibility for MINE and make conscious decisions rather than cave in to knee-jerk responses I'm having right now.

Clam

Welcome Calyndra.

I hope that being here helps you to heal.

MsMcDucket

To invest negative energy towards these people in an ongoing way is to continue to give them power in my life, and I want to end their power.

They'll, probably, always have power in my life as long as my twin daughters are in the religion. Some can get over it, but I don't think that I can.

Welcome to the board!

Calyndra

Wow,

So many to respond to:

1.) No, I did not report it to the police. I didn't think I was supposed to.I didn't tell the elders right away because I didn't "scream" (though I fought hard and desperately tried to convince him not to continue) so I thought the Elders would punish me. I already felt separated from my congregation because in the last month there had been five disfellowshippings and several other things happened as a result of my reporting something to the Circuit Overseer. My rapist said "Don't bother to tell anyone, they won't believe you anyway"

2.) My husband and I are no longer together. We care for each other, and we parent our son as a team, but the simply don't feel we are happiest together. Thankfully, I found my soul-mate seven years ago. We married three years ago and we are more in love every day! Quite often he will hear a snippet of my experience as a Witness and will go off about the organization. I will immediately begin defending the publishers - why I wonder?

When I found the silentlambs website Friday night, I read for six hours without stopping... crawled into bed with Jason and I think every CELL in my body cried. I've never felt so hurt and scared in all my life. I'd convinced myself that this didn't happen to anyone else... that my case was unique. Imagine my relief and my dismay that I'm not alone...

MsMcDucket

My rapist said "Don't bother to tell anyone, they won't believe you anyway"

After I poured a pot of hot grits over his body, that's what I'd say to him.

I quit!

Welcome to the board Kathy.

You said: I've never felt so hurt and scared in all my life. I'd convinced myself that this didn't happen to anyone else... that my case was unique. Imagine my relief and my dismay that I'm not alone...

I think this is one of the areas where the WT has been most sucessful. Convincing people that they are the only one going through a particular situation. Because everyone is afraid of saying something that might get them in trouble there is no real communication in a kingdom hall. People tend to hold things in to where they can become physically or metally sick. You can get to the point were you feel you have to leave die without it even being clear why you feel this way. Then you get out find out they were the problem not you.

Frannie Banannie

I totally understand that it's a phase that many go through... If you read the tone of my own posts, there is bitterness, and hurt, and anger... I just want to be very careful not to allow this to swallow me up and not let go. I don't want to get trapped in the negativity. That (to me) would be trading one "enslavement" for another.
Believe me, I am not judging ANYONE for their feelings. I simply want to take responsibility for MINE and make conscious decisions rather than cave in to knee-jerk responses I'm having right now.

Sorry, Calyndra. I understand where you're coming from now. I hafta slap my silly self for those same kneejerk responses to comments others make at times. It's obviously still somewhat a source of embarrassment to me that I showed my big wazoo in outrageous displays of anger and hostility against online jdubyas when I first began to "wake up" after forcing my DF'ing. Mea culpa, chere.

When I found the silentlambs website Friday night, I read for six hours without stopping... crawled into bed with Jason and I think every CELL in my body cried. I've never felt so hurt and scared in all my life. I'd convinced myself that this didn't happen to anyone else... that my case was unique. Imagine my relief and my dismay that I'm not alone...

((((((Calyndra))))) I'm so glad you found Silentlambs website and this forum. How long did you believe you were alone, chere? I was isolated from any friendship for 7 yrs after my DF'ing before I found xjdubyas online.

Frannie

I joined yesterday...

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