Been in an longdistance relationship with a married woman

by SWolf 34 Replies latest social relationships

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  My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

  jgnat has much better advice than this, but you wanted opinions and I spent 20 minutes writing this so here goes.....

  i may be young but shes the one i want and i would do anything for her

  If you truly mean that, then the anything may need to include encouraging her to seek out a qualified therapist. Ultimately it may include that you may have to walk away from the situation.

  so far shes still with me but i know that i need to show her she can divorce him and be with me

  Part of taking care of any woman involves more than one area. Taking care of a 41 year old women who has experienced life will also require more than a 23 year olds taste, because I don't know of one 41 year old woman who wants to start over from scratch.. You would have to upgrade her from her present circumstances, so lets think about the following areas that you will need to handle as a bare minimum.

  Security: providing a comfortable home. An average home in the US is about $200,000. To furnish that home figure another $40,000. Then there is auto expenses, power, electric etc.... I think that I'm fair in saying that you are going to need current liquid assets of about $80,000 for a house downpayment and misc. expenses to get started. Then you are going to have to bang home about $60,000 a year for starters.

  Emotional: she's been through the ringer and it may take her years to recover from all that she's been through. In fact she may never completely recover and you may have to hear about her husband for the rest of your life. Plus she's closing in on Menapause. (that's when she'll get extremely irritated at the way you breath, talk, laugh, close the door, walk in to the room etc....) If you've been married for 27 years, its not that upsetting, but for the unprepared, you'll be online looking for someone new to chat with faster than you can say "hot sweats".

  Physical: You haven't had sex with her yet. Which is good, because "I don't know if I can make you happy" is women code for "My marriage sucks so bad and has so completely sucked the life out of me that sex is the last thing on my mind. In fact I don't care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life. So you could have that to look forward to.

  please anybody just help me to talk to her using scriptures or giving me advice on how to do this

  Encourage her to go to a therapist. Don't ask her to violate her moral code. Love her enough to walk away if neccessary.
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  diamondblue1974

  This smacks of being very unhealthy from the very outset my friend; admittedly you cannot sometimes choose who you fall for but on this one I think you will get hurt.

  Run like the wind my friend and find someone who wishes to be with you.

  DB74
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  lowden

  Dude................RUN AWAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

  Not that i quote the bible often but 'the heart is treacherous' at times, especially when we're young.

  I have t-shirts to prove it!!!

  Peace

  Lowden
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  katiekitten

  I have underpants to prove it BWHAHAHAHAHA!
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  lowden

  I have underpants to prove it BWHAHAHAHAHA!

  Tha's tapped int th'ed thy is, dusta know? By 'eck tha's banna be careful lookin' up at't full moon.

  'Ow big's yer undies any road?

  Lewden
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  katiekitten

  Tha cheeky bugger, askin' a laydee 'ow big er trollies are.

  For shame!
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  daystar

  She needs to come out of this on her own. You may be able to plant some seeds such as others have recommended. But you really need to back away, explaining this very thing to her. She must dig deeply within herself to gather the strength of character to leave the abusive relationship on her own terms.

  I know you probably don't want to hear all of this even though you did ask. You have to understand that we have a great deal of experience with the JWs and we can see that if you pursue this as you are, you are just asking to be hurt deeply and are not doing the woman much of a favor either.

  If she comes out of it, on her own, she'll be a better person for it and you'll have a better friend for it as well.
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  JWdaughter

  There is nothing you can really do at this point to make anything happen. She needs to get out of the abusive relationship(if indeed it is-right now you are getting the word of a woman who is cheating on her husband online with a young man who was a teenager when this begain). She will then (likely) still be a devoted to Jehovah's Witness, JW. Which is harder to overcome than the marriage-cause women may leave a bad husband for a younger man, but a JW just abandoning their religious convictions isn't something that happens easy or overnight. That in and of itself can take YEARS. And if she is still emotionally attached to the religion, even if she is kicked out or leaves it, will cause difficulties in forming a new relationship, emotional AND sexual. And one way or another, you will come out of it being a very young man, with a much older woman who has so much baggage she needs the Orient Express to haul it around with her. And we haven't discussed children, yours, hers, etc. She is getting past her pull date and you are just getting started. If everything else was overcome, her children and/or family could totally anihilate the entire relationship. That happens in a LOT of relationships, even without the special circumstances of this one-which makes it all the more likely.

  If I were you, I'd change my email address and go back to college and meet a nice uncomplicated young woman whose only baggage is the really cute shoes that she still owes her parents $50 for!
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  morty

  If I were you, I'd change my email address and go back to college and meet a nice uncomplicated young woman whose only baggage is the really cute shoes that she still owes her parents $50 for!

  could not have said that any better myself......good call JWdaughter...
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  SWolf

  TY guys...yes i have been with her spent a whole week and a half with her...now what io'm about to say is i am crazed up in the head i am best friends with her husband...he is an elder that is why this whole thing got started i met her 1st and then proceeded to end it...after i have starting to feel bad....but during one of my visits i saw her upset and as she had said "no one cares Joe...23 yrs in marriage and no one cares about what i say and think or my feelings...this is my life and i guess i will just learn to live it like Jehova has aked me" Keep in mind he is an elder and she tried to help thir marriage but all they told her was to compensate and be more of a submissive wife she told me. Now to make things i worst im now friends with her entire family and her kids are 21 just got married, 20, and 18...yes i am deep but everyone else gave up on her long ago...2 weeks ago i went fishing with her husband..with the other elders...she came along and she was bringing a beer to him well she tripped and spilled the beer on him" I just smiled cause it was funny..he threw his pole down and yelled "Damnit you stupid Whore"....Well the other elders were not nearby of course..but it boiled my blood people...i'm a big guy and if i really wanted to end this marriage i could by just kicking his butt and taking her..now i know thats just cruel thinking...but i never ever want to make her feel regrets so i'm giving her time....right now its great because with my mom out of her job i'm supporting her school and mortgage...so right now this gives her time to relax and think about it...untill yesterday...but thx to Blondie's section on the Article.....we have overcame this and i'm hoping shes see the control...because she never interrupted me aor defended the watchtower so maybe i opened her eyes a lil. I know i should run get the hell out and believe me a year ago i would have....but i can't explain it evertime we try to walk away one of us calls in the morning....and says i can't and we learn to work it out...now i know its still my option...but i love her too much and i know i could never be friends with her if we ended it like a quoue a learn..."painful thing the heart will ever go through..i sitting next to a person everyday you love and want and knowing you cannot have her" As one person said on here leave her and move on thats what will happen....i would drop off the face of the earth from her family, and friends. Why don't i you ask...because i know her better then her own husband..and i know that she would end up going dowhill, her husband asking where is Joe and putting 2 and 2 together he would break her and she would confess...so she would lose everything....and i will not do that...i been through worst people with her and i tell you now i will not give up on her...and just keep an open mind if you were in my shoes and in this deep....maybe you all could see my reason too....have faith my grandad told me certain situations no matter how bad will soon come a purpose that will support your happiness....well i rather try everything then live wondering if i only did this or that. Ty again guys for your posts Joe