How do I explain my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate?

by The wanderer 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer
    Explaining my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate

    All things considered, this is the one thing that bothers me tremendously.
    So much so, that it has kept me out of the dating scene let alone to be
    properly wed.

    Having been a Jehovah's Witness

    How do I explain to a potential mate that for 14 years, I was
    captured by an institution called the Watchtower Bible
    and Tract Society?

    I think it would be easier to say that I lived in a cave for
    14 years of my life.

    The standard of morals that were taught

    Admittedly, though, I loved the standard of high morals that
    I applied in my life as a Jehovah's Witness and still adhere
    to them. And, I would love to find someone with the same
    nice qualities that I am used to.

    (*Sigh, I should have been born in the 18th or 19th century).

    The world's morals are loose and something I personally
    despise. The thought of becoming wrapped up with a can-
    didate from the Jerry Springer show mortifies me.

    Seeking advice regarding a potential mate

    • Can any one share some advice on finding a potential
      mate and disclosing your past to them?

    • How did you successfully handle it? Or, did you?

    • Would you try sites such as e-harmony, match.com
      or would you consider an ex-witness first?

    Any good advice would be appreciated.

    Respectfully,

    The Wanderer

  • Fe2O3Girl
    Fe2O3Girl

    Well, first of all, I decided that animals "mate", so I met someone and fell in love instead.

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer

    Thank you for the ridicule. When
    I need a joker, I will email you.

    The Wanderer

  • Clam
    Clam

    I know where you're coming from. I felt uncomfortable telling girlfriends about my Dub past, but it was unavoidable as I've still got close family in "the truth" who they would normally end up meeting. I found that I made a bigger deal of it than they did. If a girl really likes you then being an ex Dub isn't going to be a problem IMO. They're more interested in previous girlfriends! Don't make a big thing out of it, it still isn't a crime to be a follower of the Watchtower.

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer

    Thank you Clam!

    Points well taken.

    Respectfully,

    The Wanderer

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Wanderer..I have met some of the least moral people I have ever met in the JW`s..Moral people are not All within the walls of the KIngdom Hall..Dude you gotta get out..If you had lived in the 18th century you could have went to the local saloon,had a steak,beer,gambled and went up stairs for a sportin night with one of the saloon girls..Morals are not confined to a religion or a certain time in history..Don`t worry about telling a potentual mate about your life in a cult..Most people don`t give a sh*t...OUTLAW

  • james_woods
    james_woods

    Iron Oxide Girl was not giving you ridicule. She made a pointed statement of fact that you may be ignoring - which is

    You do not "pick a mate" like a new pair of shoes. You are better off to actually find someone you love. Part of that process is letting them find you. The subject of this thread will not be an issue when the right one comes along.

    You lashed out at Fe2o3 with this -

    Thank you for the ridicule. When
    I need a joker, I will email you.

    The Wanderer     When the right one comes along, I hope you can & will find it in your heart to lighten up a little. It might be a good first step to lose the coat & tie and redo the avatar.

  • megsmomma
    megsmomma

    "Worldly" people are not usually trained to be one track minded, like we were...so I think they have a broader view of differnt people and are pretty understanding of different backgrounds. My husband didn't really understand the extent of my background for quite a while...but over time, and many discussions later, he can see how I have been affected, and is really good at helping me through it. It is kind of funny.....he can now talk with the "society lingo" since he has learned so much from our discussions. I crack up when he says things I would only expect to hear from an ex-JW.

    When you meet someone to date, remember that theyhave a "lifestory" too....and you can help eachother through all your past issues. Good luck....enjoy discovering!

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    I agree with Clam.

    I also agree with FerrousOxideGirl. I think she was mostly posting in good-natured fun, but she has a valid point. Finding a "potential mate" outside JW-Land (a.k.a. The Theme Park That Never Closes, and America's Least Favorite Theme Park) will reasonably include not referring to her as a "potential mate."

    For people who've never been JWs, that expression is cold, distant, and passionless (not likely you, at all) and will come across as though you view relationships from a clinical, calculating standpoint. JWs have their own language, but unless you want to attract a JW wife you might seriously want to check into the possibility of leaving the JW-Lingo in JW-Land.

    You did ask, in part, how to find someone to share your life with. The words you choose really do affect how you think about things and how others view you. Even potential life-partners.

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer

    I wish to apologise to Fe203. My mistake
    no hard feelings. In addition, Brandon
    you make a case as well.

    Sadly, I am still influenced by the
    Society's approach. Okay, thank you
    for your perspective on the matter.

    Respectfully,

    The Wanderer

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